bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104714
 28.10.2014
Pf-f, "to ride in a wheelchair"! I recently bought a painting plan here. Well, such a board with "plug" for papers, not even a folder, so that the sheets lie more conveniently. So the poor pre-school tribe does a regular O.O. even after explaining that THIS is a tablet, and what he thought was just a shortcut from the tablet computer.
But for the first time I was not confused when he asked "Can I PLAY" on such a game?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104713
 28.10.2014
About children and stories.

Once I come to a girlfriend with my five-year-old child, and she has two children, 5 and 7 years old. I propose to go with them to the theater for the children’s opera "Terremok".
I think opera, isn’t it too difficult for such little children?
She drives me:
Isn’t it too late for such adult children to go to somewhere there?
Her son asks curiously:
What is a prison?
This determined the fate of the cult. Everyone went to education.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №104712
 28.10.2014
The ability to listen is a big plus, and the ability to pretend to listen and put the right word at the right time is virtuosity.

Wauw Very reminds some of our scientific advice.

zzz And also lectures in the universe when you sleep on the first pair on the gallery :)

No, I fell asleep at the last couple, and the lecturer was always late. Well, as late... for half an hour, let’s say. Or did not come at all. I had to wait, because it was shy. Well, what, in combination, also the rector of another institute :-) Yes, and the subject was interesting, compared to the rest.
In general, they waited, and sometimes even waited, but the forces were no longer left. I fell asleep a few times. Sitting in front of the lecturer. On the other side of the table.
But this is not the most gesture. Glory is something else. For example, when in the course of a report at the scientific council you suddenly hear a loud cries. A uncle in the front rows, a member of the council, a dean at another institute, and your former predecessor in the universe (it's all about him). A good uncle, humorous and smart, a former KVNist, one of the first.
But it’s not a gesture either. The gesture begins when after the report he stops snoring, stands up and asks a question. A normal question, well on the subject, yes.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №104711
 28.10.2014
You encountered on the Internet a picture, telling about what, say, but poorly call your parents now and just say that you love them? "Not bad"- I thought and called to my mom first.
The result - got hysterical from the mother type "What happened?!", and then from the father type "What fucking mother are you scared of?"
I love my parents, but I prefer to be silent.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104710
 28.10.2014
Discussion in OK under the photo of the bedroom:
andquot;
Yes, it is better to put the shelves and fold them during the day than the furniture-killer with which children break their heads. Are you thinking about beauty or what? When you look at this bed, you understand. Why do you want to mock your own child’s experiments? sorry child, and you would say with this bed!!!and "
andquot;
And you that all night sitting near the baby bed, it is clear that you also sleep in your bed and the child wanted to go to the toilet and began to descend broke and flew and what do you follow? Then late swing on your fist to hang, take care of your children and foresee different situations. Our "AVOS" is everywhere in Russia! The carelessness leads to sad consequences due to the fault of the parents!"
............
What an expression, what an expression!A furniture killer is hunting for the children of ruthless parents!Everyone has to buy clothes! ? ? ?

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №104709
 28.10.2014
From Picaboo:
My wife recently began to use the fashion word gadgets.
But how unusual... by the slanges.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104708
 28.10.2014
( the answers )

Q: How much can I sell these photos?
(hereinafter attached home photo of thin girl without cowards with open legs)

I’ll pay a hundred rubles so I don’t see it.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104707
 28.10.2014
Inscription on the door of the Dean:
" Is it difficult to learn? Easy in battle.and"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №104706
 28.10.2014
Among those who noticed this topic? The Dolban Head Hunter started throwing SMS, crazy, in response to feedback on vacancies. I HUEU, dear editor, now the seeker himself for his own account should call the sheep from the staff, which for this as if money gets. And the chewed carrots do not spit them in the mouth immediately?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №104705
 28.10.2014
As my mother said. Well, Annie had so many friends, and then they started marrying and not her.))))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104704
 28.10.2014
In our bathroom, some local sanitary rituals are carried out forever:
Last time, the entire wall and floor around the dryer were poured with something white, smelling like coffee. Such a feeling that someone brought coffee under the dryer and its air flow scattered all over the okurga.
This time we have the floor covered with three semi-disassembled rolls of toilet paper, and on top evenly, all over the toilet and cabins, filled with little stuff... someone sowed, probably...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №104703
 28.10.2014
Homosexuality in China.

xxx: Before the arrival of Catholic missionaries, the attitude was quite calm, homosexuality was quite widespread - for example, you can read who Dong Xiang is, what is the "passion of the cut sleeves". There are several other euphemisms in Venyan to denote this phenomenon, there are works with such plots. As a perversion, it began to be considered in China in the twentieth century in connection with the absorption of Western morality, and already in the time of communism, the non-traditional orientation was condemned and was considered, by the way, the result of the detrimental influence of the same West.

yyy: reminds the situation with Christianity – until the first missionary came, the people of the Mumbai-Yumbo tribe did not even guess that they were sinners. Nothing, they did not live.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №104702
 28.10.2014
xxx: I have a relative, relatively distant, has 3 daughters from 3 marriages, all girls are named Katya ))))
Which diagnosis would you give him, colleague?
Theme: Caterinism

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104701
 28.10.2014
I wanted to joke. Put the unseen thriller of Hitchcock on TV for the fullness of impressions, sit and watch.
The cat arrived.
It is very strange to perceive horror when the upper left corner of the screen hangs and occasionally lazyly blows the puffy cat tail.
As a result, one eye lazy look at the thriller and chase teas with cakes. In the thought, everything looked a bit wrong.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104700
 28.10.2014
XX: generally, there are people who do it in sub-contracts
xxx for food
Tagged: Soup XD

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №104699
 28.10.2014
XXX is:
I have a neighbor for 7 years to repair...perforator every weekend in the wall...I don’t understand what you can do in the apartment for 7 years and perforator....???? to
YYY :
Go to. I waited three years for the repair to be completed. The baby was born and eventually got to rise. He has a carpentry workshop in his apartment. He worked at home.
and ZZZ:
The guy over us broke the cars into spare parts right in the apartment, not entirely dragging them there, of course, but still regularly, around midnight, he began to beat and break something.
The TTT:
Have fun there.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104698
 28.10.2014
There should not be a king in the head, but brains.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №104697
 28.10.2014
Efficiency and owners.

In the USSR, the state, as a truly effective owner, skillfully manipulated slavery and assets. It would be funny if it wasn’t scary.
A simple example:
and 10 mines. In each mine there are thousands of workers.
Five mines provided coal with the cost in rubles. Three to five rubles. Two for ten rubles. The average cost is 4 rubles. Coal was purchased for 5 rubles - rubles for profit - and the enterprise fed ten thousand workers, paid nurseries, pioneering camps, prevention centers, etc. The whole city lives, grows and works.
The USSR ended, an “effective” businessman came. He closed two "loss" mines, thought a little, closed three "unprofitable". Five thousand miners on the streets. A lot of rabbits - you can reduce the salary. Camps and prevention? Loss, staff thrown out on the frost, territories and buildings are discharged from the balance sheet and sold for money to other "efficient", there will be built profitable bordels, casinos, etc. From the five closed mines, metal structures and flowers are cut - all, the mines are flooded and are not subject to restoration. Five open mines are hit on the TV (and why? It is expensive, and the miner will use one shit, because there is no more place to work) and coal is generously watered with blood.
Ten years later, these mines were developed at predatory rates and closed.
And what we have? Once a prosperous city was impoverished and collapsed, there was 90 percent unemployment, crime, drug addiction and prostitution flourished... And the “effective” made its billions in overseas accounts and went to the Canary Islands.

by PS. If anyone misunderstood - attached kindergartens and prophylactories were included in the cost. And the ruble profits from coal - subsidized public transport and similar (definitely losing) infrastructure. From sections and circles - to hairdressers and the local newspaper "Red Coal".

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №104696
 28.10.2014
After the decree of the president on import replacement chickens began to be carried three times more often, from the harvested fields collected a second harvest, with bananas and pineapples, in the ponds of Moscow began to catch Norwegian salmon.
And only Autovaz did not give in to magic, because he was astonishingly deceived.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №104695
 28.10.2014
The tip of idioticism was to go to work an hour later today and declare that I forgot to translate the clock.

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