bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134581
 10.10.2016
What do you think of "The House of Strange Children"?
It’s not bad, if it wasn’t for moments.
Q: What are the outstanding moments?
Well, the outdoors
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134580
 10.10.2016
I decided to dig into my Google account on my phone. Look at the type of location. Fuck - there almost instantly listed places where I was for all 3 years of using the phone.. well, I think there is no mistress, or the wife would immediately crossed... removed all the marks from surveillance) men, be careful there!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134579
 10.10.2016
Memento_mori: I am a walking horror

HH: What is it?

Memento_mori: I do not know. I always scare everyone. If there’s a terrible big black puppy rotating around somewhere, I say, “Girl, take your dog away!” I had no dogs at all.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №134578
 10.10.2016
by Ermouth:
I thought that in a famous fairy tale, where "the protein of the song sings, the nuts bite everything, and the nuts are not simple, all the shells are golden, the nuclei are pure smaragd..." - the protein just ticks the pistaches. Judging by the fact that he also sings songs, he goes under the beer.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134577
 10.10.2016
The wolf in the red hat is the most positive character. He eats well.
It swallows food badly.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134576
 10.10.2016
More and more men are willing to take on most of the housework or even all of it, BUT!!! It does not work!!and "

The problem is that many women are constantly doing all of these household tasks, but only - taddams! After coming from the main job.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134575
 10.10.2016
Behind the washing machines are those who first washed themselves by hand. So your grandmother just enjoys the idea that the laundry is done without applying her strength. It’s just shit, only the nerds don’t understand. For them, the grandmother washed first, and then the machine. He would put a pen once on the whole family, so that the grandmother would not be called anymore, and the rest of the older generation.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №134574
 10.10.2016
I read your shit and I understand how evil it is to live alone!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134573
 09.10.2016
When I was 16, I returned once from my grandmother from the suburbs on an electric car. It was evening, there were a few people in the front of the car, and the back of the car where I was sitting was completely empty. I sat in the back seat at the window, the grandmother from the perron pointed to me with her hand on the company of the guys of the hoops (man four in my opinion), sitting in the tambour "on the courts", said that I should move further to the people, but I swung away with my hand. It wasn’t even a minute after the electric touched, as the whole hop company crashed into the car and took all the free seats around me. The one who sat opposite was significantly older than his comrades (years twenty in appearance), but he started with the standard phrase: "Do you hear the phone call?" Then something about helping the boys and other nonsense. At that point, I had been engaged in combat for six months, and while the phrases of the hopper became more and more threatening, I was chaotically trying to figure out what I would advise my coach to do in this situation. Suddenly a decision came. I suddenly stood up from my seat and... crossed the feet of the copters and took a quick step toward the people sitting in the front of the car and sat between them. Following me I heard the disappointed “from the same cock.” As strange as they were in town, they did not persecute me.



P.S The coach, when I told him this story, said I did everything right.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134572
 09.10.2016
Alya: I long wanted to ask you... What are the contacts in your phone: TP_No1, TP_No2, TP_No3, TP_No4 and TP_No5?
13th_Ka7aHe4: This is from my past work. The Trade Representatives. Not everyone knows I’ve been fired. Who knows, I might forget to call. Even in the middle of the night.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134571
 09.10.2016
The reason is that at the beginning of a relationship, a woman is often ready to spread for a loved one, not noticing how many affairs fall on her.
And when she stands up and sees - the man doesn't understand what the matter is, because before she was all in order? And here are the children, the mortgage, so simply not to leave... Here are the wars and the redistribution of duties.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134570
 09.10.2016
An interesting employer came to us. She opens a children’s beauty salon and wanted us to give her a room (floor, ceiling, wallpaper prints, windows, niches, etc.) and all this – absolutely free!
Her arguments were as follows: since the visitors of the salon will be children of well-off parents, these same parents, coming to her salon and seeing all this beauty, will wonder where this can be done - and this is already the advertisement of our office. And most importantly, she asked if such a parent would come from her to order something from us...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134569
 09.10.2016
I went to the museum on a tour. The tour guide that the youngest official in Tsarist Russia, the salary was very small, but for this salary the official could hire a cook and his wife did not work. You continue to argue who in the house is the master in modern society.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134568
 09.10.2016
I can’t say for all of them, but I had a bowl of dirty clothes when I washed my hands, and a bowl of dirty clothes at the machine machine. As there was a layer of dust on the old luster, so it is on the new one. Although there is a huge closet in the hallway with a volume of under 9 cubic meters, and things still roll. Order does not depend on technology and it starts in the head.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134567
 09.10.2016
The husband shook, but came out of the danza and went to entertain the cat. There are no scandals 😉

Where is the scandal when duties are fairly distributed? You have lunch, preparations and laundry, the husband played with the compass and the cat. of equality.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134566
 09.10.2016
A neighbor on the first floor is a lonely single man aged 45-50 (lived with an elderly mother, then she died). I don’t know if he has an official diagnosis, but the man is obviously weird. I was somewhat foolish - people are not thrown on - and thank God, the rest is his business.

A few days ago, this beautiful man was drawn to me on the doorstep, stating that my children had him in charge of running, jumping and playing the ball at home. The problems here are two: first, I have no children (no one), second, I live on the third floor, the apartment on the left, and he - on the first, the apartment on the right. That is, even if there were children, all of their jumps would not have fallen on his head at all. “No,” he says, “I’m an engineer and calculated how the sound spreads through the panels, it turns out that the noise is coming from your apartment. He broke up to me to check where I hid the children. Thanks, two students live in the neighboring apartment, jumped out of the noise and pulled it away.

I got a complaint to the management on Monday, now I really don’t know what to do.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134565
 09.10.2016
For a long time I tried to explain to my grandmother (80 years old) that new banknotes are being introduced in circulation for 200 and 2000 years. In the past, we had to pay 200r, we gave two papers of 100r. And now there will be such a paper - 200r" about 2000r similarly. In the evening, I hear my grandmother’s conversation with her sister (82 years old): “Man, I heard, money is changing! 2000 will be like 200!" Oh, ah, guard, the bike flew on the sarafan radio further.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134564
 09.10.2016
XXX is fuck! He sneezed on the hill with seed skins!

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134563
 09.10.2016
I spoke with a future mother about the harm of vegetarianism with anemia II degree during pregnancy (she, by the way, a small child, who is also a vegetarian - a pale green creature with a lag in physical development), cited the example of WHO documents, ICD, etc., to which I had the answer "What I do your international documents, they are written by meat eaters, Which to survive us vegetarians, survive and disappear!!And I was crying...

by BES

[ + 40 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134562
 09.10.2016
Sometimes when I take off my jeans, something falls out of my pockets. There is no time to pick up, and when I come back, there are no small things. She didn’t care until she found her cat dragging coins under her bed. Two thousand under the bed. A little bit. and two. of thousands.
•×•×•×•×:¢

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna