bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №148494
 25.01.2018
At the shootings of one of the series "The Inhabitants of Evil" Actor Oded Peer played a fighter of the spearhead. And here the seven, Peer with the team, equipped, with weapons, start the movement.

This is “Stop!” A military consultant, a former "specialist", points to him with the finger, "You are moving wrongly and you hold the weapons wrongly and everything is not right at all! "

Yes well? Peer was born in Tel Aviv and served in the Israeli Naval Special Forces.

- That you are from the "former" can be seen immediately, - smiled the consultant, appropriately. But here’s Hollywood, you guys. You do not have to move right, but beautifully. Let me show...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148493
 25.01.2018
Today my boyfriend was so impressed with my abilities in sex that he wrote to my ex-boyfriend a message of thanks.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №148492
 25.01.2018
Newborns cry very little, especially at night.
What!?? What was that, puff? The author is deaf. Have you never given birth to a living baby? I remember that hell. And he is such that I will never and for nothing agree to give birth again. Rise every 40 minutes, complete devastation and hatred of the child. If a child sleeps at least from 12 to 6 in the morning, it is such an unimaginable happiness!
by p.s Yes, my husband still thinks that the child slept at night, and I lie and charge myself a price. He hadn’t heard him crawl! I did not get up, of course.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148491
 25.01.2018
According to the same unwritten rules, a woman inviting a man to "drink a cup at home for two", calls for sex. Whether you like this installation or not, but in our society it is a very common stamp. And if a man in the situation you described is not a telepath, he will come with champagne and condoms. And the discrepancy of his expectations and reality will cause resentment.

According to unwritten rules, if a man slept with a woman, then the next evening he must come to her with champagne, roses and a ring. Well, okay, not after the first time, but in six months I should definitely make an offer. And then you have to take care of her and love their common children. The discrepancy between her expectations and reality will cause resentment. Where is the shit? And such views have a fairly large proportion of our fellow citizens - I fear that even more than considering any invitation to a woman home as an offer of sex. and CHO?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148490
 25.01.2018
As a pupil of the fifth grade, Edak went home from school. In the hand of a swing, on the back of a wallet, a whole day of computer toys awaits. Beauty in one word.

Suddenly, my gaze fell on the shoes rolling right in front of my feet. And, like every decent schoolboy, I pulled this shoe right before I got in (about 10 minutes in a row). The joy had no limits.

And as soon as I got home, a thought came into my head - "chuchak, check the package with the shift."

And indeed, there was one shoe in a wooden bag.

I ran out on the street to take the loss. I was an idiot.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №148489
 25.01.2018
After college, I came to work at school. I asked to create a school website. Everything was done, the site worked, the information went. For this I was awarded a prize in 2500 r. After some time, I started working there as a businessman. There were orders for the premiation of the order for the creation of a school website for 30 000r. each of them. They did not participate in the development or filling of the site. The sadness...

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №148488
 25.01.2018
We stayed at a hotel in Astana. For breakfast we had to go down to their restaurant on the first floor. When the waitress arranged the food, he accidentally bended a plate with puddles, and one fell right on my jacket. A large fat spot. The waitress apologizes, takes my jacket and takes it to the cleaner. In the evening he was cleaned and brought to my room. Good service I thought.



When I went out of the cleaning room, I was included in the price. did not pay.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148487
 25.01.2018
and Walk

>~> FUW!!! "Sandy clock" is the most terrifying type of female figure.

You just got caught with sinking sand. Nothing terrible, even pleasant.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148486
 25.01.2018
by this:
I don’t quite understand what’s terrible about caring for others, what should make a child unhappy.

Her husband has a daughter from her first marriage, her mother recently gave birth to her sister. The daughter of her husband, who was a joyful, joyful child with five in school, turned in six months into one of the most backward in the class, a nervous, eternally insomniac hysteric, because instead of sleeping and studying at home, she is awaited by hell, a baby whirls, she is forced to nurse and do everything at home. She comes to us to sleep. She hates her sister.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148485
 25.01.2018
XXX is friends! We share with you a set of lectures read by J.S. Gambarov in the walls of the Moscow University in 1897-1898. The course covers the general part of civil law.
Darkforce: Thank you very much for sharing) very relevant. Do you have the same information from the 16th century? preferably by law. I just want to fly tomorrow in my time car to Kozelsk, to represent the interests of the baron, who bought from the unclean merchant two merins, and they exhaled. I want to prepare for the burden.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148484
 25.01.2018
If you love people, you are a philanthropist; if you count on reciprocity, you are a foolish philanthropist.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №148483
 25.01.2018
Observation from...
The daughter in the morning brilliantly reports to the son-in-law, for coming late from the corporate with a heavy drink and with traces of mask on the shirt. At this time, the grandson came to ask for a walk on the street with the boys. Mother sharply sews him off, tell him to go from here not to you. The overwhelmed grandson goes aside, sits on a child's chair and loudly says: the father is a drunkard and a rapist, the mother is a hysterical...! to
There is no scene... The daughter has lost the gift of speech. In the end, we and our grandson are expelled to the street, and the son-in-law gets a temporary pause, to come up with versions...
Upon returning from the walk in the house hanged silently lead, but the peace...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148482
 25.01.2018
Yesterday I was called from school and said, “Your son is constantly lying.”
I replied, “Tell him he’s doing well, I don’t have a son.”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №148481
 25.01.2018
Sometimes I say to myself "Stop talking to yourself".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №148480
 25.01.2018
So still simple.

Thick Fox: Wire Optimization Service Increases 95% of Noot Performance
Fat Fox: I think, or is that not exactly what an optimization service should do?

It optimizes the work of _SYSTEMS_... No one counted on the work of users.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №148479
 25.01.2018
I stumbled... I wanted to open a calendar on my phone, and he demanded access to geolocation... I’m not ready... I’ll remove it from the whales.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148478
 25.01.2018
Q: What kind of ideology do you see in Terminator, Titanic, Avatar?

“Listen, in Terminator I, a huge terrible man with a German accent wants to kill Sarah!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148477
 25.01.2018
Our organization is large and mainly female. Among the few men there is a kind of Misha, very polite and diplomatic in personal communication, but unrestricted in off-site assessment of both people and situations. Misha performs control and verification functions, and his favourite "sheep foolish!", characterizing a colleague who sent by mail the next "curve" report, is regularly distributed across the office. The female colleagues sitting in the same office are silent.
But recently, a young and modern Anetka was placed in the office, impregnated with ideas of feminism. Her characteristic Mishin shout came abruptly unlikely, and after the next "tuporous sheep" she took a firm step to Mishin's table and began to report to the guy, saying, "you don't call men so, and all this is misogyny" and so on. Misha responded guiltyly and fully agreed that it was not good to say so. In the middle of Anetchkin’s speech, Misha receives another report on the mail, this time from a male colleague. Misha, continuing to sneeze, looks into the report, grumbles, cries "Baran stupid!" and breaks the phone:
Vladimir Nikolaevich, where did you get this information? We talked this morning...
Annie stared confused at Misha. The female colleagues sitting in the same office are silent.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №148476
 25.01.2018
<Love> Are there literate musicians here?
<Vachhthnang Kturkhubidze> Yes, I am.
<Love> Would I ask otherwise, there are literate MUSICAL MEN here?

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №148475
 25.01.2018
I’ve baked the cake here according to the new recipe, so don’t touch it until Daddy comes.

Let’s try it first.

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