bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119373
 12.10.2015
I sat down to eat. A two-year-old whisper to me, I strictly say to her – “Daughter, Mommy eats!” and the Elderly (8) quietly whispers to her: “You understand, distracting Mommy when she eats is like touching a snake when she lays.”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119372
 12.10.2015
My mother is a mega-man.
xxxh: I said I want to go to "Everest" again because it’s a strongly motivating film
She began to tell me that climbing is bad and scary, and she, of course, can’t ban it, because she did it herself, but it’s bad and scary, frostbite and amputation, all things.
I just said I was going to the cinema ><

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119371
 12.10.2015
In our city there are three cockroaches – the "Sphere", the "Pyramid", "Cuba"... we need to make a tour one evening... then they will ask – where did you hang last night? First in the sphere, then in the pyramid, then in Cuba.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №119370
 12.10.2015
I dry up after the swimming pool. A naked man approaches the fans. And he begins to dry his beard and wool all over his body!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №119369
 12.10.2015
I have a meeting today in 1963.
The Galactic Time?
and oh ))
You are burning, reptile.

[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119368
 12.10.2015
I have a problem - the cat got to write to my grandmother on the bed. There is no possibility to take one or the other to the country - without a cat, mice will go, without a grandmother, it will be boring. Together, they do not tolerate each other. How to deal with this problem? The husband proposed to inscene a rat attack on his grandmother and rescue her cat. The grandmother will stop chasing the cat, the cat will abhor the grandmother’s bed. My grandmother is very afraid of rats. I am a cat b. And we would take it away from writing in bed, but not get a new problem with my grandmother?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119367
 12.10.2015
On the polling station in Belarus, in the news on tut.by:
Voters in the buffet:
Give a bottle of vodka.
by PJALST
Do you have cigarettes?
So what, the school.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119366
 12.10.2015
General chat of the company
XXX: We have to decide what we want.
Bread and Spectacle!
ZZZ: Oh, and this... who are we calling?
QQQ: bakers and strawberries

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №119365
 12.10.2015
The Prep:
This is Matt-Mech. They prove here. I don’t need to be here: "I swear by Mom!"

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119364
 12.10.2015
Five years ago, a man said seriously:
I’ll give you a CD... three pieces... go to the internet and download it all.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119363
 12.10.2015
xxxx: where did they dig that word

yyy: Voltage on the Amperaage shared

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119362
 12.10.2015
The man broke into a sex shop.

Threatening with an object similar to a gun, he stole an object similar to a woman.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №119361
 12.10.2015
Recognize, how many of you have now learned how the emblem of Novokuznetska looks?

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119360
 12.10.2015
Mail to one of the messengers:
xxx: In the store "xxxxxxxxx" found a whisker for kittens, 3kg of 250 rubles. Take you?
WOW: What is it?? to
Oh thou thou thou thou! The Whisker
Tag: for cats
I mean, the car replacement ?
thx: "Square" )))))
I have a car replacement.)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №119359
 12.10.2015
REM: Last week brought five phones and tablets on Android. Two clogged after the transplantation, three - a microscope crushed.
REM: According to research, 40% of Android users are too smart, 60% are too strong.
Demo : ))))
What about Apple users?
REM: It is difficult to differentiate. The apple has a closed OS and a charge-turn... Here even a monkey can handle it.
Rem: Apple knows its users ;-)

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119358
 12.10.2015
YYU: I really want to take time to sleep...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119357
 12.10.2015
Whoever wears around the city under 150, worries only about one.
As if he took his place in prison or in a cemetery.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №119356
 12.10.2015
In the mid-1990s, American exchange students came to our city. As usual, mutual breakdown of patterns, wild Russians/Americans, etc.
We walk along the main street of Rostov, four Russians and the glorious guy Jack. Before that, we had taken up 2 bits of 0.33 of some kind of light beer, but our 15-year-old bodies were already enough. We’re all athletes (except Jack), I’m an athlete, I’m a karatist and I’m two tourists, and I’m full of beer and I’m jumping up and knocking my hand on a shop’s banner. "Boom" is distributed, the sign swings on the chains, the Mentian six stops next to me and I am taken to the nearest OM for hooliganism. Chipolines had to make a plan. The whole company is serving me. After communicating with the guard, I go out on the street and see my friends with almost no "freedom unknown" inscriptions. When they saw me, they were delighted, and Jack began to photograph us in front of the dark facade with the inscription “Militia.” There was a guard with a machine at the door. Very intelligent look, which prompted us to take a photo with him. We photographed and talked. A nice light-haired guy, he was about 25, was surprised to realize that among us was an imperialist-exiled man. Word for word, “and you can take a photo with your machine,” I translated Jack’s message to him. The castle. The guy thought, disconnected the store and handed Jack ACSU. I clicked on him, everyone is happy, everyone is smiling. We went further.
Later I learned that a good guy with the machine was fired because of this episode. It is clear that he broke everything he could, what he thought and all the affairs, but we somehow came on the wave of "peace, friendship, gum", that is, we flipped over instructions and duties... In short, we flipped on our own naivety. Not to say that I was worried, and that I dreamed of this guy, but every time, remembering the arrival of this group, I always remembered this incident with subsequent dismissal. I remembered, and I felt my ears red.
It was a summer in my hometown, we went to catch cancers with friends on one of the lakes. Returning, from the height of our Padjero glanced over the new BMW Five, hanging one wheel on a deep track. “Where did you go?” we started talking about a strange driver. They decided that the girl was probably driving and could help. I approach, already with a wire in my hand, invite my hair, the glass falls down – everything is right, clearly according to the laws of the genre, the same guy driving, a blonde with a machine, only without a machine. He did not recognize me. We pulled him out, we talked, he is selling grain, everything is fine. She was also a nice girl, a wife. I did not resist, reminded the case. He was not just fired, the chief began to rage and wanted to start a criminal case and transfer it to the prosecutor’s office. The man got the money to close the matter. The money borrowed from the future aunt - a famous agricultor. He worked his horse. Well, later, the aunt also considered him a good guy, and eventually gave him a business and a daughter. Here our conversation was interrupted, as my friends, having done the business, demanded the continuation of the cancer history (wash, cook, buy beer) and we went. I still can’t understand whether in this story I was the tool of a good guy’s fate, or if I was still a scapegoat, whose activity was later corrected by the higher forces.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119355
 12.10.2015
A good design is immediately visible. Excellent design is imperceptible.

by Joe Sparano

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №119354
 12.10.2015
I want to be a cat.
Andrei at home?
You can ruin the milk.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna