bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №119353
 12.10.2015
  The body of Bekir Nebiev, who was sought after the attack and murder of doctors at the Simferopol ambulance station, was scattered by wild animals, the Crimean prosecutor Natalia Poklonskaya told RIA Novosti on Saturday evening.
  To this news I want to add "...and carefully wiped out a drop of blood from the corner of the lips")))))

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119352
 12.10.2015
On TV advertising goes "One country, one wife, one website". This is a refurbishment of Wahhabitsky.
"One Lord, One State, One Mosque"
I do not like this advertisement. There’s still an idiot who is pressing a plastic key.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №119351
 12.10.2015
Olga33: I have heard a lot in my life: oaths, confessions, compliments. But the best thing I’ve heard is a cat’s whisper. There is no lie in it.
Seyfullin: When a pig snores, it doesn’t snore either.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №119350
 12.10.2015
Propylene glycol: do you also like to read the composition of the air refresher?)
SORBITAN OLEAT: ah) I see, you are in the topic))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №119349
 11.10.2015
And there are no weddings in Chechnya.
Anton: It is about public policy. Go out and go without a jacket in any of the state organs there.
Andrei is easy!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119348
 11.10.2015
DOBROSH: Here’s how much I drank if I had dopamine loads?
Tagged with: lol
Red-Kun: check out the Yandex bar

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119347
 11.10.2015
On the Dating Site:
I am looking for a guy with a good oscillograph for joint viewing figures

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №119346
 11.10.2015
Just now I noticed. In the VirtualBox 4.3.26 window, a penguin dances with a drum, and a drawer eats an apple.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №119345
 11.10.2015
The Cat Tender:
The cat has a whisky of meat.
Different types of 5
But the cat presses with saliva,
Carry the cottage under the bed.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №119344
 11.10.2015
Fedor <XXX>: Of course you have to write the letter y everywhere, or then all this eye cuts.
YYY> Sorry, are you Fedor or Fedor? and :)

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119343
 11.10.2015
I watched Martianine in the movie. That awkward moment when Matt Damon on Mars grew a potato larger than I did in a country 30 km from the city...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №119342
 11.10.2015
xxxh: who wire granules nicomine eaten against smoking that in their composition I in the net nothing can find give the company
XHHH: My mother has been in trouble with them, so far they normally 99g release
You are both fucking! Eat the devil in the nineties.
xxx: yes, my mother said in the morning a piece of 20 caught and slept and a piece of another 10 caught caught well so I decided a piece of 10 caught like a pred chat
XHH: no composition on the blister, no dose unwritten
ууу: No composition, no dosage, no manufacturer, sixteen years have passed - and let's go, let's see if it works!
WOW: And shrinking after my mother got caught up is already a candidate for Darwin Prize
XHH: producer of npo živyica-ural
In the nineties, there were two hundred such NPOs in every small Ararat.
WOW: It looks like the twenty-first century, adults, citizens of a country flying into space on their own – no, Hunané, the Middle Ages!
Oh yeah, I thought once I ate it, maybe nicotine, so I took it.
WOW: If it is, then there is something that shouldn’t be inside a person, well, it’s obvious logic, right?
Oh yeah, I first asked for the jump at 20 in the morning and 10 in the morning I was running 10 in the morning.
Eat another twenty and lie down next to your mommy.
I am 10 years old and I feel like the mood has risen in my head.
Well, clearly, if there was nothing before, then now there is something.
You now have overdue nicotine instead of brains, rejoice

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №119341
 11.10.2015
I have a figure without flaws.

Only with surpluses.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №119340
 11.10.2015
About War

The partnership.

Valery Petrovich - head of a large security office. But due to the specifics of the business, his guys are not guarded by some complex objects, but simply large areas that are of little interest to anyone because there is nothing to drag. People in the company under 1000 people. A corresponding contingent, consisting mainly of young boys without a strong desire for steep career growth (in the best case), and in the worst case - generally without a desire for anything but silence and selfishness.
The leaders of the middle ranks were different – but mostly differed from the ordinary guards only by the presence of some brains and responsibilities.
The senior leadership, except for Valery Petrovich, consisted of retired security personnel and had their views on life often very specific, which, however, allowed to solve most of the problems that appeared.
Valery Petrovich himself, a former officer colonel, lived a very quiet life as a descendant.

But like that, sitting in the bath with the heads of units and mamas, he had a tough dispute about the WOW. The grandfather of Valery Petrovich was killed, like his two brothers, before the Battle of Stalingrad.
Opinions were divided, and the discussion became very tense.
The arguments were classic – you can read them by going to any historical forum of the present time.

And here Valery Petrovich took the word.
“Dear employees! I thought here, and I realized that we just need to unite the forces of our collective. Moreover, the company "Oduvanchik", at the facilities of which almost half of our staff works, did not pay us and in order to prevent such actions we will one day partially remove our people from its facilities. Anyone who is not on duty will also join us. The rest will be announced the day before. The shape of clothes is for the tour."

Then came the great day.
Valery Petrovich did not tell anything even to his first wife - because everything must be honest.

Arriving at the site, staff in the number of almost 700 people ( 1-2 battalions depending on the time and kind of troops) saw before themselves a large field, flanked with flags.

On the edges of the field were people with plastic shields and helmets.

Furthermore, to all those present to their blinking joy was distributed a form for playing paintball and personal weapons.
In addition to the personal, average management was given with dozens of wonders of paintball equipment such as mortars and machine guns.
Moreover - 2 managers even got a personal minivan :)



And when before the ordinary personnel placed boxes with grenades - here began the euphoria as for the New Year.

When the general euphoria from what happened - Valery Petrovich asked the leaders
To build the staff upstairs and came out of the building with a megaphone in his hands.

“Dear employees! Today, you personally, you can say on your own skin, you will know what WOW is. Moreover, you will have an easier option – because you, my dear ones, will not be bombed from the air by aircraft and will not be shelled by artillery.

In front of you. In the middle of the field on the grass painted a line. Anyone who does not cross this line within 15 minutes after the start of the battle will be fired from the company.

The rules are followed by an outsider organization, which I have specifically hired, which even your executives did not know.

Disputes with judges are not allowed.

At the end of the field - 2 DZTAs and 2 snipers.

There are six people playing against you. There are no less than 700.

The staff starts roaring in the voice.

I repeat, for those who have not heard or have not believed, six people play against you, and seven hundred against you.

You have a dozen and a half machine guns and mortars and two tanks. They only have two machine guns and a personal weapon.

Euphoria does not work.

Now one chosen person from each squadron will go with me and look at these people. Remember in the face that there would be no outrage after the topic that someone cheated on someone.

Now about the pleasant and unpleasant.

My word is always fulfilled and everyone knows it (in the company it was the iron rule, carried and benefited Valery Petrovich with baric generosity and cruelty, respectively).

I wrote about the dismissal of those who do not cross the line marked with paint in 15 minutes.
You will understand the time by whistling - it will be given a minute before time expires.

Those who get the paint, regardless of where they hit, get out of the battle, standing up and immediately going back without weapons. The weapon remains on the ground where you were hit.

A person who has continued the movement after getting into it, and noticed by this judge, is dismissed regardless of the position.


And now the most important:

In an hour the fight is over.

Those who do not get the paint will receive 3 full salaries and an extra 2 week paid leave.
Applause in the collective.

In front of the dots there is a painted line, meaning a 5-meter boundary.

Those who pass through it will receive a half-year salary and a month of leave at the expense of the company.

Applause in the group increases.

And now the main.

Anyone who enters the DZOT room receives a premium in the form of an annual salary and two months of paid leave with the whole family in my personal villa in Spain.

The applause after this phrase was worthy of the Congress of the Party in its best years.

And now the bosses, who are appointed by squadron commanders, under the guidance of my commanders will develop a strategy of battle, and you will be able to shoot personal weapons at targets.

By the way, in the end, I will note that almost all of the present passed a two-year service in the army, and know how to handle weapons, as well as know the military discipline.
Your grandparents who fought at the beginning of the WOW did not have all of this.

I have finished, go on.”


Then there was euphoria, laughter, hectic self-riding, shooting weapons and developing a plan.

The selected group examined the fortifications on the other side of the field and seeing the little ones who would protect all this brought their colleagues even more joy.

Then there was a fight.

You can read about him in a large amount of historical literature about the same Rzhev.

Actually nothing new.

Again, the boys did not bomb from the air, there were no mines and artillery. The Lafa.


The results were very interesting:

Of the entire personnel, less than 15 people remained "alive" within an hour. Half the lift.

Most of them hid behind tanks, whose commanders were killed in the first place, and lay there on each other as seals, kicking out on the field of all who tried to enter there, not counting the rank.

It followed about 20 dismissals due to conflicts with judges, of which the couple even got to the staff with the promise of "you will have all the family."

No one arrived in Zeta.

One employee, who had previously fought in Chechnya and worked on a separate facility, managed to cross a 5-meter line near Dzhot, but was immediately killed.


The losses of the defending - one wounded in the hand of a sniper.

By the way, the mood of the "winning side" was extremely crazy - more with this scenario they played.


Zamy Valery Petrovich in the discussion on the topic of VOV with him no longer entered.


https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%90%D0%BB%D0%BB%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B1%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B3%D0%B5%D1%80,_%D0%99%D0%BE%D0%B7%D0%B5%D1%84

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119339
 11.10.2015
Time does not heal, time fills the memory with other events.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №119338
 11.10.2015
xxx: I suggest setting up a cryptography
Yyy: Oh, and then in the morning you suddenly find yourself in the same basket with some pseudo-accidental sequence after several rounds, with the initializing vector in an intermediate state between the overcrowded buffers...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №119337
 11.10.2015
Marketing is nothing holy.
We go here in the morning to work. On the left strip of the fur, it is large painted charming children at the age of approximately 5, in the image of the characters "Chipolino" - Tycoon, Chipolino himself, someone else... and above them a fun inscription with colorful letters "Fresh food". O_O O_O

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №119336
 11.10.2015
From the burdock:
Jurashik: I was in the start at seven, and I thought the accu doesn't hold
_delphin_: In my time, I was in the case of seven))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №119335
 11.10.2015
A visit to the aquapark.

No "A-a-a! There is a lot of chlorine, fu!", a "A-a-a! The fungus of my feet will not grow in me for centuries!"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №119334
 11.10.2015
The taxi driver calls the employer. Q: I can't find your street.I found the Irtych street, and I can't find the Irtych street. Q: My street next to the Irtysh street. 3 houses next to stand 1 perpendicular to 2 others. I see three houses, two lying and one standing. Z: (laughing from laughter) standing...

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