She: I'm a very tough person, it's hard to fall in love with me.
Did you try a diet?

I go home late at night. I watched at the entrance the robbers sit. I think: "All, forgive life" I get closer and I hear from one of them the phrase: “Bla... well, if it wasn’t for the farm, I’t get in touch!”

You understand, just small children are difficult to explain concepts such as infinity, the theory of boundaries, and so on. Therefore, in elementary school they say that it is not possible to divide by 0. And then these little children grow up into big pigeons who no longer listen to what they are being taught there. Therefore, they remain with the education of primary school and are simply convinced that it is impossible to divide by zero, 0/0 - beyond the boundary of good and evil; that a kilogram of bricks is heavier than a kilogram of water, because the brick density is greater, and therefore the brick occupies a smaller volume, and the mass here has nothing to do with. They consider themselves very Russian, although they do not know how to speak properly in their native language, ignoring the letter; and very Patriots, clinging to the Georgian tape anywhere, although they do not know exactly what they mean, confused in the concepts of the Civil and Patriotic War, believe that in the first world war we (yes, they very much like to talk about the US) fought against the French, and the Great Patriotic and World War II are generally 4 different events. Hitler was defeated in the Battle of Borodin at Kulikov Field in 41. And at the same time, they very much like to laugh at “stupid Americans,” although most of the myths about their stupidity have been invented by themselves.

I took home work on the weekend. Writing a business plan for one project. The model included a section on the cost of the services of an independent consultant. For a long time pretended how much to put in, digged in the net, but found no analogues... decided to heat the cup in the kitchen. I went back to the comp, and there was the inscription "HzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...". Cat seemed to be a bit out of the subject too)))))

Every mistake has a name, a surname and a paternity (Joseph Stalin)

The Companion. I go into the kitchen, behind a bowl of only cooked potatoes. There is a companion above her. Looking at me, he strained, drowned, and eating the last three tablespoons said, "Wow, I am so ill."

How much better would the world be if the number and quality of sperm in the eggs depended on the number and quality of the brains in the head.

Vitaly - Yura, you will not have sex on Sunday!
Yuri is scattered?
Vitaly - Vlad led your wife to the resurrection.
Vlad - Well, not me, but the Japanese Cultural Center.
Jura -.... thanks to the center for this...

We sit on a pair and hear a helicopter flying past, a purely sincere voice from the last party "Carlson, are you back?"

Two Führers is already a democracy.

The World Boxing Championship in Baku has just ended. This primacy was no different from other international modern sports events – with the public whispering the anthems of foreign countries and wild hatred for foreign athletes.
And I remembered another, long-standing, even under socialism, world championship in boxing, which took place in Moscow. One of the first battles was engaged by an Englishman.
In general, the English are the originators of modern boxing, but this sport at that time completely vanished in the UK, and its representatives have long not been on the top stage of the piedestal. And this Englishman was considered an outsider, but the Moscow public immediately began to sympathize with him (although the relationship with Britain at the time was even worse than it is now) for the very spectacular, uncompromising manner of fighting. But he had one peculiar disadvantage – he shouted “hop!” at every hit. The rules did not welcome this, and the judge periodically made remarks to him.
The Englishman silenced for a while, but then again took the old. Then the reporter gave him an official warning. In the event of a second warning, the boxer would be disqualified, and there was nothing left but to keep the tongue behind the teeth. But apparently, forced silence was unusual to him, his technique completely disrupted, and he began to lose.
And then the audience decided to support this guy, and at each of his strikes in tens of thousands of voices shouted "hop!!!". He transformed and won the battle.
The public so accompanied his chief until the final battle with the singing "hop!". And he became a world champion – which the English did not do before or after a long time.

Kudrin was fired for refusing to serve as finance minister in the future government of current President Medvedev, whom the current Prime Minister Putin, who will be elected president in 2012, firmly promised to appoint as prime minister.
There has never been such confidence in tomorrow in Russia.

The Stupid_Bot
I am lying down, the cat is lying on me. Mother enters the room. My cat and I turn our heads at the same time.
I am MEU!
Mother: Brushed
The Cat: Meu
You also shave.
Me and the cat at the same time.
Mother: Yeah you
I came out xD

Another example of the imperfection of the world:
people who live on the first floor and most suffer from: alarms, noisy companies, lovers of loud car music, loud noises and owners of weak bladder - there is not even a possibility to throw anything on the violators of calm :(

XXX: Hello to you. And what, Mishana moved to your department?
YYY: How do you know?
XXX: Well, he now has the status "Ten new prostitutes are better than the old two"

She: I said, not below the belt!
He: But it’s still far from the belt.
She: My belt begins under my breasts!

From the Dating Site:

Residents of mr. and Orenburg!You will be bad news after you die you will be in the city of Orenburg!

A great repair on top. Thro the day they collect the sliced plaster from the floor with sovkova spots. It is as if a huge cat is scratching and scratching, scratching and scratching all day!

xxx:How to distinguish a student living in a communal from the one who lives at home?
Yyy: For those who live in the house of pelmeni, it is a delight that is eaten once every six months.

If all girls were as compatible as Java.
2: And as mysterious as C++...
In fact, they are all as stupid as an assembler :)
Assembler Ohuenen (Nobody Needs It)