I tried the fools to get around. But it’s also full of fools!

When I was young, I lived in the glorious town of Konotope. In the neighboring entrance lived an old alcoholic woman, whom everyone simply called Froska. She was famous for appearing without invitation at all weddings, funerals and other events where you could raise your degree.
One summer, she came to a funeral, heated herself thoroughly, and then joined the funeral procession. At the end of the ceremony, her legs were no longer held, she lay on the cemetery grass and fell asleep.
She was awakened at night by the joint action of the desire to flatter and someone's loud voices. Froska slipped to the fence and saw a guy with a girl, in his hands holding a suitcase and a bottle of wine, which he insistently tried to cater to his girlfriend. The lazy went away.
And then, out of the cemetery fence, a clumsy hand stretched out, and a chilling, humble voice said, “Listen, guy, give me!”
A second later, the guy and the girl disappeared at maximum speed, dropping a bottle and a suitcase. Froska, having gathered all her strength, overcame the fence, devastated the bottle and felt human again. As an honest law-obedient citizen of the USSR, she took the suitcase to the militia in the morning (there, while the protocol was drawn up, the stomachs exploded). The boy was quickly found, although he stopped bingeing only after a month. Frossk became a local attraction.

The most difficult thing on anekdot.ru is to separate anecdotes from news.

Today watched a flirt-dating on the beach already quite not young people. Like in an American film of the 80s.

You know, with such teenage, ambiguous phrases.

There is a woman around 40 somewhere near me. 20 minutes later, a man approached her with his stomach pulled by force.

Hello girl, can I take a picture of you? You are the decoration of this beach. The man said, holding his stomach.

The woman looked at him with interest.

Wouldn’t you drop the horizon? A ha-ha-ha (unnatural laughter always paints the inconvenience of the situation)

I do not promise! I can... fall!

and ha ha ha.

and ha ha ha. The important thing is not to hurry. ... ha ha.

You are funny. and ha ha ha.

How did you say your name? I did not hear.

How clever you are. I did not name my name.

Let me guess. The Afrodite?

and ha ha ha. No is. and Oksana.

And I am Mika. Very pleasant. Going to swim?

And yes no. I cannot swim.

and Oksana. Let us go. I’m sure you won’t drown.

Oksana became serious at the moment.

Do I not drown? Why not drown? I am in yours. ...... Is it shit?

The woman silently stood up and left.

The man swallowed. Thirty other people who followed the dialogue were stunned.

P. S is

That’s it, the drama!

One of my friends has two sisters - twins - 8 years younger. After their birth, the father left, lived and slept with his mother in a 2-bedroom apartment in the center. At the age of eight, he became both a brother and a father. They lived in a one-bedroom apartment, a friend lived on an insulated lodge all this time. A year ago, his father and grandmother were drunk to death from a whirlwind. The apartment was inherited by my aunt and was repaired. Half a year later, she handed away the keys and documents from a friend’s mother’s apartment – “This is your alimony from my brother for 10 years.”

XXX: It’s shit when you’re both a handjob and a perfectionist. The result that you get is not pleasing to you, and the result that you would get is not successful.

yyy: All my life described (

In the house where I lived most of my life, a lonely old lady died 40 years ago. Relatives were far away and traveled for a long time - in general, the apartment was opened, and at first all the funerals were carried out by neighbors-knowns.

It is noteworthy that the apartment was a warehouse of all kinds of barracks of different degrees of antiquity and antiquity. At the same time, she was very suitable for life. The old lady slept on a iron bed with a grid that was so hollow and hollow that a bunch of all kinds of sloppy clothes were just stuffed under the mattress so that you could somehow lie down.

This is witness observation.

Then some relatives arrived. After the funeral, they began to scratch the apartment in order to somehow adapt it to life. There was no talk about repairs yet - there was so much barrel that it was necessary to start at least somehow. Even before the fact that (per at the daytime) all the neighbors involved and others offered to catch whoever liked, well within the limits.

My grandmother (according to my father’s instructions) took a small drill. I remember her.

And what was of the least value was quickly carried out for washing.

And here comes the matter of carpets. They remove the carpet from the wall - and there is the inscription on the wallpaper: "Gold in the mattress."

I know where the mattress was at the time.

Or rather, where he was no longer.

yyy: A good idea for family trolling, even if there is no gold. ;D

xxx: Oh... I remember in 2008 my friend and I designed a house for a classroom. 8 hours of one picture.

Beyond designing, what else did you do with her?

I joke at night, of course. Or is it about a girlfriend?

A acquaintance told me. He hunted within the city (Ryazan) on sandy carriers. Further his story:

“It’s early in the morning, a little fog, I’m standing and catching. The "Buhanka" (UAZ) comes in, a man comes out, not in a hurry dresses himself in a submarine suit, wears balloon on his back, lashes and went into the water.

I stand as an officer.

A few minutes later, he comes out, carrying a drowned man, aged 25-40. He puts him on the shore, changes his clothes and leaves.

And I stand like a fool, alone in the early morning, with a corpse next to me.

I pulled out my pants and left.”

There was a friend who told the girls that he was a virgin. Some slept with him.

YYY: I had that. I told the girl that I never slept with anyone... I’m sorry, not very successful. I was angry, turned away. I asked her: What is it? I said I have the first time. She turns: Oh, I thought you were joking!

And then, with such enthusiasm: Yes! Go again! You will study!

My husband’s phone died. He bought a new one, sits, restores contacts. I see, he records me as a “Lighthouse.” I was mistaken, he was a man with a lot of emotions, love proves more in deeds than in words, and here he signed so poetically.

I approached and cuddly asked:

Is it because I am lighting your life?

He was confused at first, and then cried and said:

No, it’s because your ass is constantly swallowing.)

I had an operation on my eyes a year and a half ago. To the home from the clinic to go 15 minutes, but I was not able, so my grandfather met me, and we called a taxi to the house. The price of the trip is 100r.

They went. My grandfather sat in the front seat, I was in the back. I wanted to say to the taxi driver, “Yu, you’re a toxic.” For he has managed to shake his ears with the fact that the government is shit, everyone ruined, everyone steals, no honesty, corruption, poor people suffer and so on.

We finally arrived. Grandpa goes out, I give the taxi driver the money, he quietly takes, and quickly leaves, I barely shut the door.

Then it turned out that grandfather also paid him, only I saw nothing because of the diaper) probably, afraid that we would uncover it and take the money, as the dwarf government does.

Compared to leading TV news, those who are on the track have a decent, necessary and noble profession.

Posts by Peckin 2020
Everyone remembers how the notorious postman did not give the package because of the lack of documents from the recipient.
However, time is not standing still, with time the marasme only strengthens and goes to a new technological level.
End of October 2020. The pandemic. Somewhere in the south of Russia, my aunt and aunt were sick with the crown, lying in the hospital. You need one drug, the other, because the supplies in the hospital are extremely limited. In the pharmacies of this and neighboring cities there is no line. Fortunately, in Peter we can find a lot of what we need. Purchase and Express Delivery. And here again we need the medicine X. We find it in a well-known Internet system. They do not sell themselves, but deliver to one of the pharmacies of the city, of choice. The pharmacy is selling. In the evening we order, we quickly receive a confirmation that tomorrow at lunch will be delivered to the pharmacy. As long as everything goes well. At 11 a.m., I see on the Internet that the order is already in the pharmacy. Everything worked superbly! I go to the pharmacy, call the order number. Yes, we did, but we can’t sell. Why is? The Marking! The system does not work. When can you sell? Maybe in an hour, maybe in a week. Fuck the fuck! The same marking we have been suffering with in the shoe industry since March this year and which has deprived us of a portion of our customers because they were unable to work with it. Curve site system, no needed functions, regular glues. This is all about the marking system. They also brought their pets to the pharmacy!
So the arrangement: there is a patient who urgently needs a medicine, this is the same medicine in the hands of the provider, this is the money for him (we don't remember about free medicine and medicines). But what a shit sticker that is wrongly read or not read at all. The sticker was invented by another idiot under the pretext of some public good, but in fact to get 50 copies for its release. It is 50 kopecks for each sticker that some people are involved in this shit. And with those 50 copies, do what you want. Look for medicine elsewhere if you find it. And no, so suffer and die, dear comrades. The pandemic? No, they didn’t hear... We have our most important to get from you.

Previously, in the Soviet Union, there was only one television program about animals - it was so called - "In the world of animals".
Now she is not there, but there is “House-2”, “Let’s get married”, “Let’s talk”...
I liked the old broadcast more.

A colleague of work told me about his father. He came for lunch, his wife poured a plate of soup on him and is doing his business. Lunch is over and my husband is going to work. Iris, why didn’t you eat? You didn’t give me a spoon! I went to work knocking the door.

This story happened in July 2011. I flew from Vladivostok with a transplant to Beijing, and as usual, all the circumstances intensified not in my favor.



First, the flight Vladivostok-Avia delayed almost two hours, and this, given that I had only 4 hours to transfer, turned out to be very critical. Secondly, without announcing the reason, our flight was sent to land not at the International (international terminal), but in the home, where only domestic Chinese flights arrive, which also played a wicked joke with me.



Well, about everything in order.



Our flight is landing – for some reason, instead of a stand, the customs are released into the common hall and they say – wait. There are Chinese trucks around, and NO ONE speaks Russian or English. I somehow picked up a decently dressed Chinese woman, she turned out to be a stewardess from our same flight, she found another Chinese man who explained to her that our flight had come to the wrong place, because their runway is being repaired, and soon the authorities will come and deal with us. I began to squeeze on this comrade, showing the print of the armor, and say, you do what you want, my plane will leave in two hours.

He took me with him to the customs office, then someone else, I explain to them again, they take me by the hand, lead me to the stand, where only the Chinese were checked, there I get a Chinese stamp in my passport, and they say, this is a permit to enter China for 24 hours and go where you want ))))) Parallel to it, I learn that my suitcases between terminals nobody will go, and in the best case I will get them at the destination in a few days, and in the worst - I will never see.

So, mission one accomplished – Dobbi free, mission two – you need to urgently pull out your suitcases.



I run to the first floor of the airport, hoping to find a stand for at least one Russian airline, but, as it turned out, they are not there - because it is a domestic airport, not an international! Here I see a small shop, like China Travel, or how, well, a travel agency, I run there, and-o happiness! The woman inside speaks more or less English. I explain her the problem, her eyes expand, with one question, dear, and how did you get here? She catches me by the hand and we run around to the neighboring building, where we just unloaded our suitcases from our flight. I run there, the picture, in the middle of the terminal is a tractor with a trailer, and on the trailer, a package of 200 pieces of suitcases... We are trying to explain half by half that I need to take my suitcases, on which a Chinese ruler with an absolutely infantile appearance pulls his hand on the trailer and says, well, take where yours is here ))))))) Luckily, the suitcases were found in just five minutes, and I am happy, I will jump back, again bypassing all the customs officers, who are just not there ))))



I asked the woman how to thank her, for which she asked me to sell her dollars, because her daughter is soon going to study abroad, I agreed, and sold her $ 50 at an absolutely robbery rate – for 250 yuan )))))



The same woman led me out of the terminal, and said that there is a bus, it costs 10 yuan and goes to the international terminal, but the bus was long to wait, and we agreed with the taxi driver that he will take me very quickly for 40 or 50... in general, as in Russia, "chef, let's fly, two counters!"



A taxi driver crashed into the road, and almost immediately stumbled into a traffic jamming. It does not eat!! I wore him, wore him, wore him, wore him, and there were 40 minutes left before landing. He rolls out for a meeting, and chased it.)))) Parallelly flashing the lightning and pressing on the clakson. Here I see — in the middle of the road in the split pocket stands a police officer next to his car, he stops my taxi driver, pulls him out of the car and begins to roar on him, wildly mowing his oak! What to do, what to do???! to



I run out of the car, I run to the police officer, and simply, pulling out a bunch of yuan from my pocket, and there was a bunch, this woman for some reason gave me a lot of small bills, but it all looked impressive, in general, I put that bunch of money in the pocket of the policeman's boiler, and woe to him, the airport, kicked! He leaves the taxi driver, and what next, I didn’t expect at all – WRUCK THE MICHAELS and MISS ahead of us, dispersing the drivers! We arrive at the entrance to the airport, and there are shlagbaums and a row of those who want to pass... before landing 30 minutes. This same policeman turns and goes to the other side, and masters us, behind me, I know the road! We follow him, so he goes to the exit from the airport with a flashlight, and stands up under the shlagbaum. From there, by a loud communication, something is said to him in Chinese, in response, he cries a matyugalnik and also begins to say something, that is, cries ))))) Schlagbaum opens, and we go to the airport )))))



Well, then it is no longer interesting - running down the floors, looking for your gate (by the way, the airport is so huge that you had to go inside the train), all in the soap ran literally under the closure of the door, well, and flew safely )))))

A wise man offends a fool by the very fact of his existence.

A guy stands on the box and puts five bottles of red on the tape. 5 bottles of white. Two pink ones. 4 of Champagne. One of the “Martini”. and two cognac. Three cups of vodka. At the end, there are seven bags of cat food. The man behind asks:
Birthday of a cat?

I don’t understand your striptease. If I wanted to spend the evening with a woman, give her a bunch of money and not fuck, I would stay at home with my wife.