bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133779
 20.09.2016
What is your style of raising children in the family?
I am liberal, my wife is authoritarian. The average is democratic.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133778
 20.09.2016
My daughter said yesterday:
“I’ll go to math class three times a week at class time.
Do you like mathematics?
“No, grit, I will go to class, then I will be chosen to participate in the school Olympiad, and when you go to the Olympiad, you can not study on that day!
°•×Xו°

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №133777
 20.09.2016
YYY: Imagine what panic the shell fell into. I sit, I think what to plan on the balcony after the insulation. Its width is -70 cm. Suddenly I feel that I have 100 hips and I don’t get there at all. It was really dumb.)

XXX: Pythagoras hanged on the circus )))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133776
 20.09.2016
The Minors:
The Adult:

>>>This is the age when buying condoms in the pharmacy is not as embarrassing as hematogenic

If the parents of children for condoms do not send, then the children of the parents for the hematogen as a nephug to do. Do not fear.

Say, and when in Russia comes the age when to live and engage in everyday things that nobody cares about, no longer ashamed?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133775
 20.09.2016
Because of alcohol, a teenager in Scotland presented himself as his mother.

The young man changed his mother’s clothes and, taking her certificate, bought a drink. The seller, not suspecting that a teenager is in front of him, sold him several bottles of alcoholic beverages.

Luke, I am your mother!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133774
 20.09.2016
And I’m 27 and I don’t have an apartment, no cars, no women.
YYY: Do you need it? There are Pokémon!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №133773
 20.09.2016
In a couple, the predecessor wanted to give a clear example.
Bringed a puzzle, you know which to spin and pull to resolve
Asked volunteers, I called, gives me, turns to the group
From the first try you'll not succeed, but when you start thinking...
Done
From the first attempt? How?
Thinking is Overrated
Class of Hysteria
Example failed

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №133772
 20.09.2016
The Russians came out of the norka, saw their shadow, scared. Five more years of winter.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №133771
 20.09.2016
These fathers go to striptease clubs and then call their daughters by the names of prostitutes.

Now you’re kidding, and then with these hands you’ll be eating bread.

The striptease is striptease.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №133770
 20.09.2016
XXX: I can’t sleep.

yyy: read my radio physics thesis

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133769
 20.09.2016
The company of OMONA is the best guarantee of a successful birth.

I went to work to the foothold, and actually begun to give birth there. The brain worked quickly, and instead of the ambulance, which would take me to the hell to the horns, I called my husband. It begins, save it. My husband is important, an ordinary omon. But his commander entered the position, and the crew just driving from the false call made a hammer, taking me from the workplace. In the presence of the uncle-militia, the child calmed down and stopped asking out. But not long. When we approached the home we had chosen in advance, I could no longer stand. My husband took me on his arms and as he was, in the equipment, carried me into the building. A support group of fellow servants followed him for some reason, thanking them for this huge. After all, seeing such an escort, the sanitary and doctors before the discharge behaved like silk, I could not complain about the inattention of the staff with all the desire, although other nurses, unfortunately, were sometimes forced to argue. And even the money to thank the doctors refused to take me. The main thing, girls, is the impression. And a support group.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №133768
 20.09.2016
The same Boris Nikolaevich Yeltsin promised that if prices rise, he will lie on the rails. Prices didn’t just go up, they went up – and what? Boris Nikolaevich did not remember his promise, because you can lie to the people very long and a lot, especially at elections - there are no mechanisms of punishment for this lie. No responsibility of the leadership to the people is and will not be, because democracy is just a play for plebs. We do not punish the actors after performing in the theater for suffocating Desdemona or killing Caesar.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133767
 20.09.2016
As a child, I was a very shy child. One day in the fourth grade, when I was on my birthday, my grandmother gave me candy and told my classmates to share it. I was stuck, and I didn’t even take the candy out of the bag. As a result, after three days of unsuccessful attempts to overcome my shyness, I got tired of carrying these sweets to school, and I ate 2kg of sweets myself. one one. Grandma said nothing. It was shameful, but delicious.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №133766
 20.09.2016
HurrTheDurr: It’s another thing, in Europe, I’ve witnessed a bus being delayed for a couple of minutes at a stop because an upgrade of the on-board computer came in the air. You can already imagine the excuses for the future: the router was updated - he could not dry his hair, the elevator was updated - I had to run down the stairs, the door was updated - he could not get out, the bus was updated - a couple of minutes late...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №133765
 20.09.2016
A fool who willingly admits himself to be a fool is obviously not the one he pretends to be.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №133764
 20.09.2016
I decided to tax today. A taxi calls a couple, we go to a large hypermarket for food. On the way back, they apparently decided not to pay – sharply jumped out on the lighthouse and ran away. I wasn’t very upset, because there were two huge packages of food in the trunk for a couple of weeks. The Lucky :)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №133763
 20.09.2016
If your religion is worth killing for it, please start with yourself.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133762
 20.09.2016
Conversation with the mother-in-law (we send the granddaughter to the pool, you need to pass tests):
C - You need to collect everything and bring it for analysis. You carefully put in a flash box, and I will buy a special container and then transfer it.
I - you know, we have the opposite problem - we do not have flash boxes at home, but there are containers for biopsies in the range.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №133761
 20.09.2016
I went on the street today and I hear a man talking to a dog: “You feel that there is a road, you can be stifled, you can’t do that. You know, I’m worried" It turns out, the blind dog smiles at the albinos husky. The owner spoke to her and she listened. Human guide for the dog.
= :• :• :• 8}

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №133760
 20.09.2016
Son, 3.5 years old: If this clan is broken, what water will flow?
I am... hot.
Son: What if this is this?
I – I am cold.
The son, with an overwhelming surprise in his voice: "Where is the warm?

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