bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118633
 20.09.2015
xxx: I work in a studio that creates porn sites and all kinds of services such as ordering girls at home. The only job where, if the boss suits, you need to OPEN the window with porn, not vice versa.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №118632
 20.09.2015
Someone is paying for funerals, others for the life of the heirs.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №118631
 20.09.2015
I read here on one teacher’s website the following pedagogical axiom: “It creates the illusion that character is inherited from parents to children. In reality, the similarity of the character of children and parents is explained not by heredity, but by the constant influence of parents on children, by the constant personal example. And I remembered a curious example of one familiar family living in the house of my parents. I rarely saw them, but my mother sometimes shared some news about the neighbors, and we were often surprised how unlike her relatives the younger girl grows - literally from childhood demonstrates such a "character" that was not inherent to the slightest degree, neither calm, intelligent parents, nor a quiet, obedient older boy. And one day there was an opportunity to find out what explains this phenomenon. The case was this: my sick and dreaming of a quiet rest mother was tortured by courtyard boys, knocking a ball on the wall of the bedroom. All the excuses to go to play elsewhere - zero reaction, and there is a ringing cry: "Well, go away from here!" Mom looks out the window and sees the neighbor’s little girl – five (!) years of the kind, compressing a rather large stone in the pen. An attempt to ignore the "split" is worth one of the guys of "the loss of the face" in the form of a hasty evasion from flying right into the nose of the mentioned weapon. Seeing how the child quickly grabs the second stone (a large slit hole at the entrance of the Zalatali type) and unambiguously swings, the spana is reluctantly retreated. Standing at the entrance to the entrance, the mother of a young warrior meets her eyes with mine and embarrassedly divides her hands. The mother went out to the venue, met on the stairs of her "defenders", and, having not had time to say words of gratitude and astonishment of the child's courage, hears what was said with a deep breath: "I don't know what to do with her - nothing is afraid. The cat bit her, she continues to tyrannize her, the fingers accidentally knocked on the door - now she climbs there specifically, but to fight in the garden and for herself, and for "this guy" - don't feed bread. To my mother’s question, “Who are you like?“I am angry,” she said, “to my grandmother. The mother-in-law is exactly the same fighting. You won't believe: in the polar night every "morning" accompanied her husband to work to the railway station, so that the wolves did not attack him on the road, and then returned home alone as in nothing. Moreover, the grandmother who lived in the Murmansk region had never had a chance to "permanently influence" the character of the child. It seems that fearlessness is the inheritance of “pure water.”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №118630
 20.09.2015
“You heard, Vasya counted the internet, bought a fake Syrian passport and drove to Germany.
Well and how?
I tempted him. Baptism began in the mosque.

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №118629
 20.09.2015
The Communists will conduct a rite of cleansing the elections from the devil’s temptation with falsification... shah and mat, gentlemen atheists!!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №118628
 20.09.2015
Virgo is an equatorial constellation, it is not visible in Russia.

Well, it affects the absence of astronomy lessons in the school program... We have that, in the autumn, the polar night is a whole month (the sun in the Virgin - the Virgin is not visible - the sun too)??? Look at the starry sky in the spring - the Virgin is there in all its glory. And at the same time read how the heavenly equator differs from the earth’s equator.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №118627
 20.09.2015
As a child, I went to kindergarten and there in the watermelon season the children were drunk with watermelon juice.And I was all the time offended that the educators themselves quietly eat such delicious watermelons, and the children are given such unpleasant juice left after them.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №118626
 20.09.2015
Walking through the forest, I found a cable. They wanted to burn it and give it to metal. It was an optical fiber cable.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №118625
 20.09.2015
Scene in the store:
The Winston Pack.
Young man, I will not sell you cigarettes.
Why is?
You obviously are not eighteen.
So, my dear, show the seller a wedding ring, son and passport, I forgot my own in the car.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №118624
 20.09.2015
About female robots:

The men once again proved that they prefer to fuck the dead than to build relationships with the living.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118623
 20.09.2015
Just think of how surprising it is that the formula of the length of the circle and its area rely on the same constant!
In essence, this becomes obvious if we take a double integral of the area of the circle in the polar system of coordinates.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №118622
 20.09.2015
And the third time the husband of another child caught. There were many mothers and children on the dispatch, the conveyor was straight. And expected a lot. The nurse carried out the baby, and the mother of the baby was upset. The nurse says "where is the daddy?"- my and grabbed sooner. In addition, the blue envelope did not confuse him and the name is foreign. The mother came out and shouted, and the real father pale and begged to give him the child. They were then calmed for a long time, and the husband taught the young father not to knock his ears. My grandmother celebrated it all. And I was taken out without a line, so that no one else would take me away.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №118621
 20.09.2015
The Unknown:

I recently watched Terminator 5. When showing robots stuck one question: Do they have teeth?

Terminators are killers-diverse whose main combat task is to penetrate shelters and eliminate people. The advanced skynet uses models deprived of masking cover, but the teeth are part of the endoskeleton, so they are.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №118620
 20.09.2015
In one of the social networks there is a group about an accident in the city.Someone posted a photo with an accident of 5 cars with a parachute, not strong. I took a picture of the park with the lake. Comments are pleased:
What a beautiful autumn!
What a cloud comes from the side of the Fisherman, obaldet.
What a beauty in the park!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №118619
 20.09.2015
There is no Batman in Russia. Not very good with flying mice. When Boris Weynman's parents died, they were in the subway, so the boy fled into the tunnel, where he was frightened by tunnel rats. So we got Rathman. When Gotham's Batman jumps on the opponents from the roofs, our comes out of the open lookout and drags them under the ground, where he puzzles with rust tubes. Through the tunnels he cuts on a rentmobil - a low Priora, which can ride on rails.
One day he picked up an assistant, a boy beggar. Another of his assistants is Rowella, the daughter of a GRU colonel. A woman with cats, a free independent woman, should be noticed.
One of the main enemies of Ratman is the Dove Man. He often fights with him at city battlefields, there is a case. Another of his enemies is Ivan-Durak, a fierce bandit from the Lubretsky gang. In our country, poker is preferred by the fool, which is why he has that nickname. Two other enemies are Cold Man and Comrade Crossward. He sometimes sends clues, and the poor Ratman breaks his head: “The name of the victim, five letters, the third B.”
Superheroes in Russia.

(c) the creatives of Alex and Tarkin, which are clearly offended.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118618
 20.09.2015
<Linux>!!! to
Solve the mystery:
I collect the notebook back, in the middle of the assembly, when everything necessary is connected to a minimum, I turn it on, I check - like it works, loaded into my tenth.
I collect, twist, count unnecessary details and do other things while loading.
I turn my head to the note.
by UBUNTA!
In short, in the process of assembly, I managed to repair a long-forgotten cartridge, apparently re-set the shelf. And there is no less forgotten SD with Ubuntu

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №118617
 20.09.2015
In the cafe.
- Do you have a non-alcoholic cocktail, or so that you can drive?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №118616
 20.09.2015
of nitroglycerin.
Jules Verne not only has no proportions, there is the whole recipe full of fuffle. Terrorists were enough in his time, he was a smart man and knew that there would be idiots who wanted to make an explosion from nothing.
So I wrote so that nothing happened.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №118615
 20.09.2015
there, of course, there are errors...for example there was something like "laboratory trials" translated as "laboratory trials"
The trial is of course a test, but not in that sense.
That’s if you went into the lab and you had to kill a tyrannosaur to become a scientist.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №118614
 20.09.2015
Archaeological excavations in Romania. Most of the boys settled in houses with double beds. One late evening (dark, all the nights are asleep), I climb to my second floor of bed, get more comfortable... and I feel my fifth point along with the mattress steadily slipping down under the action of gravity. I notice that one of the sections has been removed. To go down lazy, and without lenses nothing is visible, so I am a neighbor from below, a Hungarian.

Balint, can you help me? I cannot sleep, cause of this (show what the problem is). Can you push it?
Screening the bed, Balint tries to block the section in place.
He: It's good so?
No yet, push a little more. (Scoring and breaking the bed)
I try, but I can't any more.
Just a little bit, pls.

The section finally stands up. I am relieved: Now is good, thanks!
Ten minutes later, the room could only whisper, laughter was no more, and the poor Balint was still red for a long time.

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