One of my favourite jokes is an inscription from a children's work: "In the woods more often opened the woods." But none of my friends, the fox, understands it, because those of them who could appreciate the funnyness of the inscription, do not know the prison slang, and those who know, for some reason, the nichren is not funny.

1st You are a mother and you have a son.
2nd My son has a computer.
Three You are writing to a friend "My son has porn on the computer!"
4 is You can guess in 100% of cases.

xxx: I was choking at a friend in the garage, and he decided to squeeze my new jeans with a powder fire extinguisher. He joked and ran away, knocking the door outside. I decided to support the joke and unload the remnants of the fire extinguisher. The powder covered the tools, special clothes, shelves and everything with a good layer. They were so impressed by the joke that after two months they did not talk to each other.

Yyy: And you, I see, are a straight master of subtle intellectual humor.

Q: Did you have a contact quotation?
YYYYYYYYYYYYY
Yyy: I kicked the actor’s leg a little.

In the route sheet, the driver indicated the destination - the seagull. That is it, happiness!

I came here to dig potatoes. Having loaded the last bag in the bag, my wife and I went to the bus stop. There are local ones. They noticed us, they fit. Well there. There are sighs like this, the classic is shorter. Fighting with them is reluctant. Well, I’m like Gordon going down the elevator to their level and say, “Brother, you’re that, you mark yourself for the beginning, you’re who you are at all? I am Viti Kalina, and who are you?” (The wife’s name is Kalinina)) A man with respect “aaah, heard, heard, sorry brother.” My wife now calls me that.

I had to visit the hospital in 2011 and so it happened that I decided to be operated. I lie down, waiting for the honey sister to come to shave me and prepare for the operation in every way. The chamber (preoperative or as it is called there...) was for 3 patients, but we were only two, I and my grandfather were 75. The first row on the shave fell on the grandfather that was there with his leg. The honey sister came and closed the veil between me and my grandfather to shave him alone so to say. The process of shaving began, accompanied by the sounds of the shaving of the shave at the foot, through the screen everything is heard perfectly. After five minutes of shaving, apparently when the sister finished, the grandfather says, “Girl, this is not that leg.” I tried to keep it from laughing, but in the end everything was rotting :)

To be honest, I am a fan of BDSM. I love when I am physically hurt (within the limits of reasonable, of course).When meeting young people, how to immediately burn out my hobbies - is not quite normal.And imagine, about a month ago I met a cute young man, feeling that I am no longer in patience, invited him to myself to "see a movie". He was powerful, with a good sense of humor, and behaved confidently and strictly, thinking that he is perfect for the role of the dominant, after 15 minutes of watching the film, tactically asked:- you ever bound a girl? it was necessary to see the eyes of this guy... he whispered answered-no.- Do you want to try?(his eyes were rounded even more) feeling uncomfortable, I decided to relax him a little. I removed the cough, I sit in the lift, I look at his reaction.He is silent, and I am terribly uncomfortable... minutes pass, the silence is there.I persistently, with an unbearable desire, I say to him - make me hurt! He raises his hand (after which I carefully watch all sorts of actions), and sharply, looking straight into my eyes... like a shellband :D and filled with hysterical laughter

"Do you know what" of Bayana. Quote about the counting enters was 5 years ago

On the morning after a storm of drunkenness, a friend's son was born.

In the morning there was a conversation with the third participant of the drunk.

Hello, what happened yesterday?

-the condition is normal, only this morning coffee drunk and something got worse, Nastya gave birth.

What is serious? 0 - O

I drank coffee and it got worse.

Mr. Hazanov
From the anniversary evening in MHAT, 1998:

A high-ranking official loses a large sum of state money.
Even more accurately: one very high-ranking official loses a very large amount of very high-ranking money.
Not far from the Ministry of Interior.
He lost his money in Moscow and found it in Zurich. He lost them on the street and found them in the bank. He lost in 1996, and the bank account was opened in 93. No reason to get stuck.

xxx: Interesting – did they try such simple things as: to show the dolphins a fish – to write down what they are saying, to show the shark – to write down, show... – to write down and so much, including creating situations and recording, etc. Then analyze thoroughly.

yyy:...and it will be "The two-legged got tired of all sorts of tablets, better if the fish were given"

Zzz: And if I show you a shark a meter from you, would you say the first word “shark”? Or we get a delphin mat dictionary.

Basically educational:

We read with the daughter "Three in the boat, not counting the dog".
I am in English, she is in Russian.
As it turned out later, the phrase "stupid ass" was translated into Russian as "sweet ass".
But the more stunned Google translator, the daughter did not see well.

In fact, the first meaning of the word ass is a donkey. Which has ears. Moreover, in Jerome's time it was the only meaning in the written language; the meaning of "Jop" appeared much later. So the translation is correct.

A big news resource. On Sunday, Ukrainians took part in 9 sports at the Paralympic Games, 12 of which won medals. I bow to my guys.

It is, of course, customary that on tanks in addition to fuel you can buy a lot more, including. "Everything for shaleys", but today's text message from the gas network was delighted that they now have a 20% discount on... coal and timber O_O

Walking around is when you say to the saleswoman in the store, “Please have a bottle of peelings.”

Life is full of adventures – I’m telling you like a shit.

This tale or story I listened to at a family event when I was a child.
It was about a relative, a young teacher, who was sent to one of the old villages of old believers to teach in a rural school.
A young and humble teacher girl was sent to a temporary settlement with an old grandfather, who lived alone in a large house.
The old man met the girl kindly, took a large and bright room, helped with things, showed what and where.
By the evening, the grandfather covered the table and invited a guest to the samovar. Sitting for a long time, talking, drinking tea with delicious spices and when it was dark, the girl thanking her grandfather wanted to get up from the table, but it wasn’t.
When he saw that the girl wanted to leave, the grandfather asked, "Well, once I drank tea, now show your ass!"! to
The girl was numb, her legs grew from this to the floor, and the grandfather looked at her so kindly in the eyes, well, you'll show the ass but still tea?
The girl confused and not even knowing what to answer and do, barely spoke - you can drink more tea.
The grandfather poured a glass of tea and continued the conversation about the existence of life, about the village, about his late grandmother... He spoke calmly and kindly and the girl calmed down and began to think that she seemed or heard and again thanked to want to leave the table, as she suddenly heard clearly and clearly: - you're going to show such a shit?? to
The Soviet girl, the Komsomol, the excellent, never even kissed and suddenly THAT!!!! to
And the girl was frightened, in front of her was sitting, though quite old, but strong and big grandfather and bread boiling tea, with the evil, as it seemed to the girl, a smile, looked at her.
What about a cup of tea??? The girl breathed and whispered – tea.
“But strong,” said the grandfather, and poured on her another large clay cup of tea.
The girl was sitting and drinking tea and tears flowed from her eyes, the third cup just didn't go into her throat, but the girl postponing the shameful act of the last effort swallowed through the force of the throat after the throat.
"Oh dear see, I was quite tired," suddenly said the grandfather and after drinking his cup, turned it over and put it up until now said, "well, the tea was drunk, and now you can rest."
As it turned out, in that village "to show the ass" - it is the old custom of the owners and guests to turn the cup showing respect that the man drank everything to the end and it was delicious, thank you for the catering...
And it’s the same ass...
This was the first lesson a teacher received in that old village, then there were many more, but this she remembered for a lifetime.

Another arrest of such an anti-corruption officer as Zakharchenko and the Russian budget for 2017 will become surplus.

I wonder what happened to itheapens?