bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №118493
 16.09.2015
Well, I added my salary in rubles, in money - it still became less.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №118492
 16.09.2015
I noticed one thing. In Russia, the last serious war has always been remembered. In 1912 the century of victory over the French was celebrated. They even joked that the cake "Napoleon" should be renamed "Kutuzov" etc. Then the First World War began, which smoothly moved into the Civil War. Twenty years later, they talked about it and forgot about the French. Then the Great Patriotic fell, and now they remember her, and the Civil – wow, where are you?

Why am I this? Here, some comrades are unhappy that every year it is celebrated on May 9. Pray that this tradition may last as long as possible.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №118491
 16.09.2015
Today I asked my husband why he no longer says he loves me. He replied that after I broke his car, the very fact that I am still healthy and live in his house already serves as proof of his hot love.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №118490
 16.09.2015
Tagged with maniac:
I invented a new design pattern.
It is called "grey cardinal"
It is an object that is created once, then hangs in memory and performs some kind of work, pulling over publicly available interfaces of natural singlets.
At the end of the day, self-release

The Shark:
He would have compromised on them and joined them, ah.
Either you will do this from the Ruth, or your config will fly into the Innet.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118489
 16.09.2015
Deadly dose of water: 10 liters per day
2 is yes! There are 10 liters of beer in a box. For 24 hours, there was even time to sleep.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №118488
 16.09.2015
To the strangers who are actively worried about Europe – will it survive the arrival of several hundred thousand refugees? And their sparring partners expecting a pan-European catastrophe because of this.

It will be difficult for you to understand, but Europe has not seen that. Just a few decades ago there were tens of millions of refugees in Europe and the economies of the largest countries were completely destroyed. physically destroyed by bombs. Nothing, I found out, and pretty quickly. And nobody promises to every anniversary this year to move veterans to decent apartments.
The problem is that the standard of living in Europe, even for a traveler on a benefit, is much higher than the standard of living in other places. Europeans are good enough to accept refugees. And under the appearance of refugees from hot spots are broken up and hustlers, who are reluctant to equip their homeland, and the hunt to work in Europe.
The obvious solution to the problem: refugees who are threatened with death at home are to be accepted and settled in a camp with food. Send it home when it’s quiet. And who wants to stay - language courses, community for the first six months and a residence permit, cancelled with any participation in riots.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №118487
 16.09.2015
The obvious solution to the problem: refugees who are threatened with death at home are to be accepted and settled in a camp with food. Send it home when it’s quiet. And who wants to stay - language courses, community for the first six months and a residence permit, cancelled with any participation in riots.
— — —
Any offence is worse than crossing the road in the wrong place. Even if there is no such crime.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №118486
 15.09.2015
A: I want to be a dumb coder, who is given on paper everything that needs to be fixed, and he codes without getting into physics, chemistry, and so on.
a:I don’t even Google offers "how to find a husband", although I was looking for molar concentration))

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №118485
 15.09.2015
Sitting with a friend of observers at the elections, putting sticks, type of jump a person voted... comes a aunt, 404 sticks... well and as a result - in the lists she was not found... rubbed

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118484
 15.09.2015

hhh: it turns out that manta can be soaked O_O
You can’t shower, but you can shower.

Wow, I read something like that. If it had been done differently before, it could not have been. And now, when the injection is subcutaneous, you can
This wholesome myth originated in the 1970s, when in the USSR instead of a subcutaneous Mantou, a peer-to-peer test was placed in Pirke, which really could not be wet.
Pirke's sample was applied to the skin, pre-ridden with a special tool. After that, a solution of tuberculin was dropped on the child's hand. The result of the test could be known after 2-3 days, focusing on the amount of swelling at the site of the incision. The same children who inadvertently accidentally washed the allergen had to come to the doctor again.

In general (
I feel stupid.
The nurse at school said.

WOW: Everyone said that.
In all schools

How I spent my childhood (

See also: UGU And the eggs don’t wear mushrooms on the needles :’(

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №118483
 15.09.2015
About heredity :
His mom and dad look at me and say - said, you, Tanyusha, we are very nice, it is only a pity that you wear glasses, the inheritance of future grandchildren will be bad!

My aunt, who gave birth to two elders from an alcoholic bully and a hooligan, and the younger from an alcoholic quiet, once, when her grandchildren were teenagers, stated that she had somehow missed the children, but to the grandchildren she would choose the bride herself, so that her inheritance would not be ruined.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №118482
 15.09.2015
And about Petrovich:

Maybe we’ll break a little more? I am now without pants.
— Fuck, Petrovich, get up, the calf in the teeth and run! The highway broke!

Be patient in life and after death you will be rewarded.
- Fuck, Petrovich, sheep, wash your feet and go!

I will not go anywhere! I have nothing to wear!
Fuck Petrovich, fuck me! Kirzachi drunk, now at least in the trance of the trap!

Could we do three today?
Petrovich, there are five fires. Which three? Call the entire brigade.

Baby, are you not growing up yet or are you already shaving so smoothly?
“Petrovich, you’re upset, don’t touch my baldness!

Which clothes do you like more?
– Listen, Petrovich, let me cheer, the main thing is that the crane does not flow!

How can I better shave my legs?
— Fuck, Petrovich, this is a goose, it’s beaten up!

Maybe we should think about marriage?
Fuck Petrovich, it’s time! Every fifth detail is broken!

You have salty mushrooms, did you cry?
- Fuck, Petrovich, are you eating a sponge? I wiped her out of the table!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №118481
 15.09.2015
In one semi-accidental company even more accidentally fell on the tail of the housewife's neighbor shared the impressions of a trip to Turkey. After "Wow!", "Crute!", and the other outcry of Ellochka-human-eaters followed this statement: "And my neighbor had, you can imagine, a simple cranewoman!" And it was such an unfailing surprise in her voice that a simple cranewoman said (how did she dare at all?!) I went to rest in Turkey.
Almost forgotten, the storyteller was a barber. Probably complicated...

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №118480
 15.09.2015
Talk to a neighbor in the room (the second neighbor is sleeping):
I: So tell me, why is the Orthodox priest PM behind the mushroom?
Neighbor No. 1: Well I don’t even know, maybe B-G does not protect him?
Neighbor No. 2: Do you wake up? The magic shield does not block physical damage.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №118479
 15.09.2015
Grapefruit improves memory. But I eat it, I eat it, and the memory is not added.
You are eating flashes!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №118478
 15.09.2015
There are two kinds of charisma: (1) mind plus good school, (2) stupidity plus rare enthusiasm.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №118477
 15.09.2015
A friend acquired somehow on the occasion of a puffy feeding piece, which eventually turned into a luxurious British smooth-haired beauty. In connection with the fact that he lives in a country house, the cat all the rights and freedoms granted to him by the Constitution of the Russian Federation. In the morning, waking up, swallowed and waved, washed and had a tight breakfast, the beast was vigorously moving away on his own, he was only conducted affairs and all day walked unclear where.
He announced only in the evening to realize his right to eat, to lie on the master's couch and generously allow to scratch behind his ear. One day, a friend decided to pursue a pet, in order to be aware of how he spends his working day, enjoying the right to freedom of movement. And here’s what eventually turned out: this offspring of her Majesty’s subjects went to his neighbors, where he had his dish, his bowl, and a house with a mattress. He was fed there, chested, played with him and, moreover, he had his own name there, which he, by mood, even sometimes responded to. But the most interesting thing was that these cute people planned to take the cat to the veterinarian for castration in the coming weekend, so that he did not hide where the hell knows at night.

[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №118476
 15.09.2015
What will happen first: the victory of democracy in Syria or the Sharia law in Paris?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №118475
 15.09.2015
We went to the river to rest constantly, with a bottle. There are tables, shops, and everything is fine.
There are many Burunduk, and they are not only not afraid of people, but also run on their hands and ask for seeds.
X: They caught one and for the sake of the Hohma hanged him on the neck a medal from a bottle of "Green Mark", laughed and let go.
XHH: In two weeks, we came there to bump.
Oh, old acquaintance coming out, with our medal!
And two others with exactly the same medals.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №118474
 15.09.2015
Dear experts! We urgently need your help!
Situation: I am quite a strong and independent woman, and so that no one doubts about this, I have two cats, soon planning a third. But the problem is that I have a husband and children from somewhere. What am I doing wrong?! Please help!

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