bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №143654
 06.08.2017
Historians have uncovered the secret of the incredible strength of the solution used in the construction of the Roman aqueduct. According to recent studies of preserved documents, at the beginning of construction more than a hundred builders were executed for stealing cement from the construction site.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №143653
 06.08.2017
aaa: Business advice to airlines: following the cancellation of free baggage to make paid toilets on planes.

BBB: No need to write such things! They can steal your idea. Moreover, on long-haul flights, the first hour is free, in order to attract passengers and also free beer.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №143652
 06.08.2017
Necessary and good:
Let us throw the burning torch of knowledge into the unwashed ass of ignorance!

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143651
 05.08.2017
Dear friends
Before you write angry opus about the situation in the country on various occasions (health, medicine, welfare, living standards in general), remember that our country is big. And situations in each sphere vary greatly depending on where you are. The bread is different, and you are about doctors. I recently moved from one end of the country to another, people are completely different than in another country. You and your opponent are just in different places. Imagine there may be such a situation that there are no apartments, no cars, no villas, but only a house and life at the expense of the garden. Somewhere on 30 thousand a month you will not live, and somewhere it is decent money that you can safely live together.
Z is. In some places, even the Russian post works well.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143650
 05.08.2017
The modern RPC offends my feeling of beauty. In all churches without exception, I see stores selling magical goods and services.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143649
 05.08.2017
I sit and watch the movie "Something" of 1982.
Periodically, they smoke something that takes different forms.

There was a sense of synesthesia. I feel the smell of smoke and burning meat from these images. What is the imagination capable of...

The smell increased. Going out to the balcony - it turns out that in the nearest cafe, the strawberries are roasted.

I sit down and look forward to what is "something". I want a shuffle.

Now "something", the hottest horror film of my childhood is associated with shalkies. They arrived. My world will never be the same.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143648
 05.08.2017
Today just killed a hard-hearted vaccine hater. And today I called everyone and asked where to urgently put the vaccine, her baby communicated with the sick child with the same vaccination hater. P.s.vaccinations cannot be done to already sick or suspected.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143647
 05.08.2017
He had a brain dead. I thought there was something. Just a fucking character.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143646
 05.08.2017
zzz: We have a title "A woman beat two policemen?
XXX is yes.
Zzzz: I got a call from the IMD. They ask to replace, they say, the image of the policeman is wrong.
XXX: I do not know. Let’s write this way: "Superwoman beat two policemen". And we keep the common canyon, and the police are not ashamed.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143645
 05.08.2017
I can't open the file again!!! to
YYY: Did you read the instructions I sent out a week ago?
XXX: I don’t understand anything!! to
Yyy: Probably it would have become much more understandable if you had at least opened the letter. I don’t even dream of reading.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №143644
 05.08.2017
Why "sitting in front of the TV", but "sitting behind the computer"?
WOW: The computer you control, perform active actions (compare "after the steering wheel", "after the steering wheel", "after the piano", and not "before"). A "before the TV" you are passively watching, mostly. In this case, pretexts are not about a place in space, but about the use of an object.


[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143643
 05.08.2017
xxx: *link to video where T-shirts are folded into stacks with one hand movement*
Now you don’t need a girl to put things carefully in the closet.
I have bad news for you, girls are not needed for that.

[ + 27 - ] [39 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143642
 05.08.2017
From the Finnish housing discussion:

This is like sterilizing space, not good for health.

YYY: So the case with us, in Russia: passed the lawn - entered the shit; approached the bench from behind - entered the rubbish; went to throw the garbage - took a rod to get away from the dogs; went up the staircase of the house (the elevator broke) - entered the sleeping room; pressed the button in the elevator - the gum sticked to the finger.
You should sterilize yourself.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143641
 05.08.2017
There are two types of news headlines:
"At the Holi Paint Festival, teenagers clashed with police"
"The linguistic orgia in glory of the Indian demon has almost grown into a new Maidan"

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №143640
 05.08.2017
The most fierce patriots are those who have nothing to be proud of except their homeland.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143639
 05.08.2017
The bad Google.
The patient looked extremely normal, a routine operation, a simple young 65-year-old man.
The beginning of the conversation did not predict anything unusual, I went through his tests and ECG, reviewed the medications, asked when he was taking them for the last time, examined him for anesthesia.
Everything is standard.
He began explaining the drug plan.
And somewhere on his second question I realized that something was wrong...
The man explained on my professional jargon, applying it competently and in place.
I interrupted myself in half a word and asked, is he not a doctor?
A retired engineer.
Engineers are smart people, literate - but not to the same extent!
The feeling was unrealistic - as if I was talking to a colleague, question-answer, more questions and all he knows, asks everything on the matter, systematically and thoroughly.
So, where does this knowledge come from, man, ever, I am already whispering.
The short answer is Google, the skillful use of it by a very literate and insightful man.
My examination was delayed, it took twice as much time as I had spent, I turned all my hardships and skills out of hand, on, man, enjoy, turned to his wife, if she had any questions.
She ironically looked at her husband, me - after your dialogue, no questions, you've changed everything here, thank you for your patience, it's not always easy to endure, I've been listening for 40 years and I'm amazed by the enthusiasm.
I write appointments.
The surgeon approaches and begins to explain his part of the work.
This is where the circus has started!
The patient knew everything about the operation.
And what catheters and what alternative routes and what complications, no, it doesn’t happen, he has accumulated mountains of knowledge in the ugly Google, mountains!
They would talk for a long time, but I intervened quite decisively, joking that we would spend more time talking than operating!
And what do you think?! to
He hit the point, we shot in 25 minutes, successfully, with a soft landing in the wake-up room.
I went out to my wife, reassured her, everything was okay, everything went according to Google, that is, the standards of treatment.
I went to my office with a strong desire to drink something stronger.
Uncomfortable this feeling - the exposure of the wonders of the wizard, no mysticism or there are secrets, play in the open, bluff or bullying does not go through.
Oh, Google-Google, what you, such a fool, made, broke the ocean from my mysterious specialty, you will have to re-qualify in old age to management!
Or a dog trainer.
Good luck to all of you, googlers and googlers!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №143638
 05.08.2017
Moldova has banned the entry of Rogozin.
In response, Russia banned the import of Moldovan pork.
This is the most symmetrical response in human history.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №143637
 05.08.2017
<TopSpin>: I went to the homephone and attached a working pass card. I thought "in debil"... And attached a map "Troika"
<TopSpin>: It’s a tough day :(

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143636
 05.08.2017
I think I know why so many people are sick.
When they see a meteor flying over the night sky, their only desire is to “fight!”and "

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143635
 05.08.2017
I went to the cafe and ordered. I ordered a basket of bread.
At the end of the day, they never brought bread. I asked for an account.
I think: there will be no bread - well, there will be - I will ask to bring or cut off.
In the end, the bread in the check was, even with butter, but it cost 0 rubles.

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