My girlfriend told me.
I talked to my girlfriend on the phone. Something goes on, she goes on and asks:
What about you?
Yes, I cooked the eggs, now I clean them, and they are hot. How stupid I could not guess to clean them first, and then cook them!

The curtain)

c) z3rgg13

I am not in the mood today. My older twin brother called me Bayonne (

From the Women’s Forum:

Alice is
Well, and glasses...it’s terrible...(((fu... a jacket yours...I’m in shock...the thunder of the grandmother...the shoulder of the shoulder...it’s terrible...the whole femininity is lost...they’re terrible...and Liv has a pair of pants and shorts...it’s terrible...softly speaking...

Alice’s Mom
Don’t you, you are the village chicken, where are you with your chicken? I told you a lot of words except "horrible";, I forgot everything. Let's go, tie your telogreek stronger and chew the fairies fucking, there is nothing to crack on glamorous bodies.

Today we went to the electives, we were taken to the office 404.
I never found the key. :D

Funny case from work, client: "A week ago my network was renamed to "happy internet", and the speed dropped 3 times. What does this mean, any problems with the router?"))

c) Do not subdue

When are you coming to the office?
At 9 o’clock.
If you are lying, you have the status of sleeping up to 11.
It is right what is worth

Today I finally broke up with my ex-girlfriend. In a modern way: she removed me from VKontakte friends, and I captured the MAC address of her netbook on my Wi-Fi router.
Vassuali: Set up, so to speak, points over Wi-Fi

A mirror in sight.

Korander: You don’t understand me, I haven’t had sex for a month (((
AnSo: Pff, I didn’t have him at 16 years old, and nothing has gone to death so far.

After all, it is a well-known fact that if in a scientific, for example, discussion, instead of "currently it is impossible to find an answer to your question that meets any strict criterion of reliability" to say "and the fucking knows it", then the time of scientific discussion is reduced by 4 times.

In the office came the aunt-seller (T-P), massagers on batteries showed. I glued, then another guy (P), minute by minute 5. Manager from our office:
Is there anything for girls that you show all the guys?
T-P: - These massagers are suitable for everyone, and for girls too
Q: Are these Unisex massagers?
T-P: No, this function is not provided in them!

A commentary in contact with the photo of the group Artery, where the vocalist has a width.

XXX wrote
5 February 2009 at 16:22
A man should have a slight negligence: either the width is stretched, or the sleeve in the shit.

He decided to encourage a little and set up Rise of Nations - Thrones and Patriots, so there is a Russian feature - the looting of Russian buildings brings income to the Russians themselves, not enemies.
We know the authors well.

My mom doesn’t want to let me go into the woods.

Per she was confused that after her good permission "you can take one bottle of wine" - I was filled with hysterical laughter =(

When we choose words, we lose our thoughts.

GAD
I have an old friend, though he is twice as old as me, but I hope he also considers me a friend. This is the old Kabebeshnik Yuri Tarasovich. From him I have heard many paradoxical stories, in which everything seems to be understood, but nothing can be understood... these stories persecute you for a long time, like a motivation stuck in your head. They shake their heads and make them think.
Here is one of them: At the very beginning of the nineties, when the Union just broke up, in a certain military district, in a certain forest garrison.
“Determined” is Yuri Tarasovich’s favorite word. He may even say that he goes to the store for certain products. So in this garrison was on combat duty, a certain number of intercontinental missiles, a certain total capacity, expressed in megatons. The population of the city is a man of twenty officers with families and a company of soldiers. The architecture of the city consisted of a house of officers, a headquarters and a cascade. Immediately behind the city, the city park began, stretching in all directions for 500 kilometers, up to another equally chic city... Even TVs were not in the city - no signal was obtained.
He served the star. To say that the shirt is a guy, nothing to say. Everyone simply adored him: kind, responsive, absolutely not greedy, which in those places and times was wild. This starley in Moscow lived with an older brother and not a simple, but a very wealthy banker. He went all the way to his younger brother, Starr: "Why are you, Vasya (let's call him so), sitting there in the woods, and life is passing? Get out of the army. Come to me in Moscow, I will make you my co-founder, we will rely on each other. Well, if you’re completely stupid, then you’ll be my chief security officer, with a salary of five cents green.
But our Vasya did not want to quit the service, even comrades turned their fingers at the whisky. But the banker heated his "unchecked" brother, sending to life 2000 backs a month. At that time, the officer’s salary was $40.
And our Vasya did not cheat, bought all the car shop and drank and fed everyone, everyone, everyone. Lack of 300 bucks for the car? Give when you can. 150 on vacation. Please... I did not refuse anyone, although I knew exactly that they would not be able to give, and there was no case for anyone to try... He was not even envious, only those who had time first in the line to borrow money were envious. He had no enemies, on the contrary, everyone tried to invite guests and feed lunch. Vasya was unmarried. One day, the major's daughter suffered pain, she quickly became blind, and the girl was 9 years old.
They were flying in a helicopter to the hospital, where they said, "Dare, but your girl will become blind. It would only help the operation in Germany, but it costs 12 thousand dolchmarks, and this at the time as a billion-million, because the apartment in Moscow was then worth a thousand four...
Vasya the same evening called his brother, had an intense conversation with him, but a couple of days later he handed a bag of money to the major. In Moscow, you change the mark.
The Germans did not fail, the operation helped, the girl's vision returned. This was the old Vasa. How not to love?
One night, while on combat duty, deep underground, Vasya walked through all the "determined" premises of the command post, in search of a cigarette. The captain returned from the bathroom and said, "Comrade Senior Lieutenant, you were not allowed to enter this room, you are not allowed to enter this zone.
I just wanted to smoke a cigarette here.
A cigarette is not a cigarette, but I have to report to a special department.
The captain wanted to become a major and he placed a bet on you. It happens.
They began to pull Vasyu and so on and after a "certain" check, it turned out that Vasya... a spy recruited by the North American states...
They recruited him in school, put the girl and: either the deduction and term for rape, or - to sign something, with someone to play on the video... and actually all. Five years passed. He had calmed up.
But in the garrison he was found, and Vasily had to merge with a potential enemy - "determined" rocket codes, which changed every month, so that the starley always had "work".
And of course, he had no brother, and all the money he received he spent on society. During the search, no one was found in Vasa (!!!) The dollar.
Staley was forever taken in a “certain” unknown direction. It seems like everything is simple - "in the affairs of the thief and torture."
Only to the "Good" captain, who exposed the spy - Vasa, the officer society arranged a heavy wreath. He was arrested and forced to resign as a citizen. He did not forgive the star. Everyone understood that Vasya betrayed the homeland, but he was a good man, and what is the homeland when the country broke and disintegrated together with the oath...?
And try to ask the major, whose daughter began to see the white light: and who in this story is ugly, and who is good...?

The whole forest walked. The bears raised the herd and distributed honey.

I checked the car in the area yesterday. Thus, he received a promised tribute, overthrowing bureaucracy with corruption.

Spending a weekend in Kline cheaply (16:37) : I hope you didn't start changing my name?

Captain Evidence is working for the government!

Excerpt from the draft Tax Code of Ukraine:
14.1.79. significant reserves of useful fuels - reserves of useful fuels, the size of which exceeds minor reserves of useful fuels;
14.1.79. significant reserves of minerals - reserves of minerals, the size of which exceeds minor reserves of minerals;)

Why do you have no girlfriend?
I have a terrible character.
They don’t like character.
You are right, I hate him.