bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №53652
 20.09.2011
Steve Jobs clearly stole the idea from Baba Yaga.
The apple-by-powder is the original Russian method of transmission of information.

[ + 127 - ] Comment quote №53651
 20.09.2011
Unconnected: A friend said: “The Western company: all individuals are idiots, and together they are a great team. “Russian company: they are all classy guys, and together they are a collection of idiots.”

[ + 64 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53650
 20.09.2011
News from Euronews:
16:53 New riots in Yemen
16:24 Formation of new government in Libya is delayed;
14:43 In the south of England deportation of nomads;
14:14 Tens of thousands of Japanese demand the closure of the nuclear power plant.

It feels like someone can’t play in civilization.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53649
 20.09.2011
She:...Not only that sex as such did not happen (due to the absence of a housewife that could raise him), so he still decided to entertain me: he pressed his lips to my buttocks, dulled with a characteristic sound and so amusedly shouted at the same time: Pearls!!!! to

[ + 44 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53648
 20.09.2011
PooPeeR: Those who have served in the army, and who advocate to serve others, are like people who have already purchased a Kalin machine and claim that it is a beautiful machine.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №53647
 20.09.2011
Today the chief in the corporate chat issued:
xxx: well I can't over you adminas rju)) kind of adminas, and the same people as everyone)))

[ + 73 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53646
 20.09.2011
xxx: Uffms of Krasnoyarsk region, knowing that I lost my passport, sent me a fine of 300 rubles in an ordered letter to receive what? The correct passport

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53645
 20.09.2011
Putin to Medvedev before the elections
Now let me go up...

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №53644
 20.09.2011
The Sunshine! The lists! The birds! Heaven* - with the voice of the elf shouted an untold student with a happy smile kissing the asphalt on the territory of his native PNIPU.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №53643
 20.09.2011
Those who want to turn mountains most often start with their neck.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №53642
 20.09.2011
in calculation

I went to a friend for a birthday in a country house and one of the guests told the story of how the world, with the help of constraints and counterbalances, rules absolute harmony and symmetry, although not always we notice it.
Well, for example: did not enter the institute, it would seem - a tragedy, but look at the positive side of the situation: did not enter, but you will be taken to the army, and you will be able to rest from the roy, chasing you annoying fans (other pluses I have never invented...) We sit, push toasts, drink - all like people. Of those present, not only I and the man who came on the gray Bentley drank.
If everything was clear with me (my deceased grandmother decided that I was still small for alcohol), then the man was all encouraged and told:
- Vitya, we are all here behind the wheel, well, vinca, then drink with us for the name, until
The evening is still far away, it will fade out.
by VITIA:
- Yes, then yes, only after one incident I don't drink before driving.
What kind of cut. This is an Indian taboo, don’t be offended.
What happened in a drunken accident?
Something kind of that.
Tell me.
It was a long time. I just bought a BMW 7 and lost it.
The Peace.
I insured, kept only on a paid parking lot, but still at night I dreamed of alarms, awakened in horror and stared from the balcony into the binoculars - how there is behind the fence... It is not paranoid, just such a car was worth then as an apartment. It could have been for a guard to stumble.
And then I was advised to all my rumbling alarms, to put a mentov monitoring system. In short, if I am suddenly thrown out at a crossroads and left, then the system will give an alarm and at the most interesting moment for hijackers - the engine will shut down, a sirene and a quick response group will wave, say to the guys, "Good evening... "
The stuff is expensive and the subscription fee is inexpensive, but I had to put it - excess health will not hurt.
One day I was at a meeting, drank 150 grams, sat behind the wheel and slowly went home. Food, the flow is dense, even attached to every chance, as if it should jump through, and the slightest shakes - the right to be deprived of reluctance.
I slowly pass the post of gaia in front of the MKAD, and the "gaeets", as he felt, looked at me and lazyly mashed with a rod.
by Faq!! to
I turn to the side and with horror remember that money with me, only for a kidney surprise for the child...
Suddenly, the whole world is filled with an unbearable war of siren, the car shakes and dies in the middle of the road. Here it only comes to me that I, sitting behind the wheel, completely forgot about the main thing - to press a magical secret button to turn off the anti-theft system. I didn’t have time to get in the air to say, “Mommy,” as the forged boots had already run on my coat, and in a moment, right into my nose, a concise blow of dirty autumn asphalt came. In fact, I was trampled probably not for more than five seconds, but in the sensations, three hours and without an interruption.
The nose, kidneys, ribs, thighs and as the mints write in the protocols: "Hidden damage is possible..."
Raised from the ground already in their bracelets, they tick in the ear the trunk of the machine and are lively interested in weapons, parts, drugs, tools and other spicy details of this kind.
I waited for a pause and peacefully that this car was mine, documents in my pocket.
They pulled out, read and were so upset that even the handcuffs were pulled off.
I’m angry, full of dirt and blood from my nose, and even the broken kidneys make me bend with the letter “G.” I see — all the fighters modestly dispersed on their cars and before me was only one slippery sports captain. He gave me an honor and, turning his eyes away, spotted something confused, about the excessive hatred of his guys to the criminal world, the imperfection of the alarm system and false operations in wet weather...
I did not shrink:
What is the alarm, Captain? You almost killed me!! I am
I will not leave that, the prosecutor’s office will find out, your heads will fly!
Suddenly the captain crumbled like me, he grabbed his heart, his face was distorted by grimases of pain, I was confused, asking:
What is? You are bad!? to
The captain shrugged his eyes and whispered with hardship:
Bad, not that word. Nothing worse. I just felt that you
Now you are in a drunk state, and I will not only let you go home and right not.
I’ll pick up and even send a car escort with you. And from that I am very
It is just unbearable...
The captain suddenly stood up, extended a huge stream to me and smiled and said:
In the calculation...?

[ + 45 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53641
 20.09.2011
Alcoholic Sidorov, in ten years, worked only three days as a courtier, and the rest of the time was drunk. And yet, he brought more benefit to society than all the regional officials combined.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №53640
 20.09.2011
from ZH:

Someone from the French administration came to us today. Fucking from the mountain.
What is the fucking mountain? Is he French?
Well, not the shit from the mountain, but the artichoke from Mont Blanc. So is better?

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №53639
 20.09.2011
Aghdam: I gave myself a pledge that if I annoy you once again, I will cut off a centimeter of the shit every time.
You’ve just got to do me.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №53638
 20.09.2011
Today at work, a coworker was awakened with the phrase: "Get up! The tax came... They say Linux was paid."

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №53637
 20.09.2011
<.freOn!> In the new macos, new plugs for convenience, beauty, etc. Everyone is discussed.
<.freOn!> In the new Windows 8 blue screen of death now with a sad smile.. Overall competitors improve the strengths of their axes =)

[ + 73 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №53636
 20.09.2011
T: I thought so.
It’s crazy to have a female cat in a wife.
I just got quarreled.
XXX: She is in the shoe.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №53635
 20.09.2011
“AutoVAZ” will make 100,000 Lada Granta
It sounds like a threat!

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №53634
 20.09.2011
Yesterday was robbed the museum of the capital-show "Field of Miracles", there are those who have eaten.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №53633
 20.09.2011
Presentation at YaC 2011.

Question: How many people are on average employed on such a project?
The average is less than one person.
It is... promising.

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