I help teach Russian to my English-speaking friend Peter, he is also Petya:) English humor in translation into Russian :)

I: "you live" - you "T" is too strong and sharp. In this word, the letter is softer.

I am a strong singer.
Every letter is strong and hard.
As I am!

There was a case, a relative from the province came, and I told him about cheese with mold for dinner. He, as a polite man, said, “Nothing terrible!“!”

Sberbank onL@in:
"... do not tell anyone your phone number..."

I was very much on the move (

XXX: I have a conversation with you!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
XXX is important!
YYY: All the attention.
So imagine you’re a rumble.
YYY : the color?

Conversation with the other (p.
I: What do you give to the doctor?
Q: I don’t know, think for yourself.
Maybe the brain?
I don’t need anything from the jewelry.

They picked up a cat, pulled it out of the garbage, scorned terribly the heartless people, this cattle wakes up for the third time in the night with a demanding bite, it seems I understand why it was thrown out.

Survey of students (c) by the lecturer:

Q: How long does clinical death last?
c: 5 to 7 minutes
Q: How long is biological?
c: (a short pause) until the second arrival!

This is the only one I, living for 24 years, have never seen cashiers asking stupid questions to buyers, commenting on their purchases, falling out, "shocked"?
Recently, I bought among other purchases a lubricant for anal sex. Specifically, I looked into the face of the cashier, a young cute blonde. Zero of emotions. Zero at all.
Per stop posting your fantasies and mistakes here?

She: Knee, if the receipts do not come for the light, where to go?
To God... with thanks!! to

The Sexual Harassment Act:

If I see a beautiful girl on the street and want to meet her, how can I officially offer her to go for a cup of tea with me? How to officially ask a girl about intimacy?
222: An official request for sexual intimacy, machine-written, on an emblem paper, in three copies, with the signature and seal of the GEO, the district, the nearest deputy, the committee on sexual quota, plus a certificate from the medical institution and a bank receipt on payment of the sex fee -E?
333: And the grandmother will have to agree. Or must justify its refusal, for example, to provide a certificate of temporary incapacity. and :)
222: )) Definitely in three copies, with seals, medical certificate, confirmation of the committee on sexual quotation and bank receipt of payment of asexual fee )))

I have two sons, twins, 3.5 years old. Loud and active children. From this morning I read them a book, we get into a picture with the planets of the solar system. I read all the names, here comes my mom. The children sit on it, naturally roll on the floor and shout, one: I am Pluto, Uranus and Mercury, the other: I am Saturn, Pluto and Mars. When I watched my mom try to escape, I said, “Well, I’m Jupiter, the biggest. Our mother is Venus, the goddess of beauty. Mother under the children annoyed: "No! I am Earth, the goddess of fertility!and "

In the US, the iPhone 5 costs about $ 200, in Russia, its price will vary, according to experts, from 30 to 50 thousand rubles.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXX: yyy, ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

Ruslan Karmanov: Another blinding success for Apple. Belomor package is more reliable to navigate than the iPhone of 2012 release.

Q: With whom did Adam betray Eve that we came from monkeys?
Yyy: I wonder what was there for Eve if Adam preferred the monkey?

Chuck: Chuck drove the mouse out of the underground.
Chuck: scratching somewhere under the plinth
Ozzy: opened the floor? O_O
by Chuck )
Chuck: Feng Shui did everything
Chuck: twisted the sab louder and favorite Manowar )))
Ozzy: Greenpeace is not for you!
Ozzy is gone?
The mouse yes.
Chuck: Instead of her came the neighbors )))))

I can’t answer, but I can’t keep silent:
The question:
Why, when you come to a disco, a club, in a word - to the community - and there you shoot girls, it's a personal life, and if you sit at home forever alone - it's not personal, but apparently public? Shouldn’t it be the opposite?

To find that Downe who first decided that half life is also the same as personal, and how to give him the neck...

I don’t need a bottle for sex with you.

XXX: And that’s probably the worst compliment you’ve ever been told.

[LooAprilLee] The news writes that according to GIBDD statistics, one in three accidents in the country is still due to inexperienced drivers.
[vano] That is, every two of the three is the fault of the experienced :o_o: We need to do something about it!

My video recorder knows more about me.

A discussion of a possible new law in St. Petersburg banning almost any noise after 22:00, including sex:
Orgasm in decibels will be measured.
and ah. "Aah" - it is possible, but "Aah" is already a crime!
-A for "AAAAAAA" in general three years.