Diesel: I seem to have my nose broken
Balu: How is it? Clashed again?
Diesel: Yes, if... stupidly, I looked at Rocky Balboa, felt like a cool super boxer, hit the door, jumped to her, and she reopened and I lay on the floor all in blood and rust...
You are an idiot ?
Diesel: it is not the end yet) a friend advised to attach something cold to the nose, there was nothing in the freezer except sausages, I am now sitting in the room, my nose is stuck between two sausages, Dad has seen it all, he is now sitting in the kitchen and chewing, soon the mother will come. I’m ashamed to get out of the room now ?
by Balu :)

From Habr:

xxx: Erotic is a product that contains images of the human body or sexual acts on a digital medium in a format that supports full HD resolution.
Pornography - products with a resolution of 800x600...
yyy: All video products with a resolution below 800x600 are pornographic, regardless of content.

The future of sensor phones.

I am in the year 20xx. The company Aplle releases the "revolutionary new product" - PHONE WITH BUTTONS!!! to
People will say "Wow! How comfortable it is!" There will be various smart words, such as "ergonomics" and "usability".

I worked in the same coffee shop before, and with me my happy friend of Light. There were two rooms, one for smokers and the other for non-smokers. And here one of the visitors (P) from the non-smoking room approaches the waitress Light (C), who stands in the smoking room near the bar stand and asks how to go to the toilet. Light on the autopilot thinks that he is interested in the question, where to smoke and answers: you can right here.
Q: How is it right here?
C: Well here, right behind the bar!
Q: How is this possible here?
Q: Why are you so worried? I will give you a ash!
I could see the expression of a man’s face. He twisted the ashes in his hands, apparently sprinkled, and then burched something under his nose.

I love you so much, I love you so much!
M: You are a shit.
M: Oh
M: the same

The preamble. We lived in a small town in Bremen. I have 4 aunts and the eldest son of them is younger than the younger (sorry for tautology) by 4 years.

So, when the brother began to walk with the girls, the youngest of the aunts, seeing him nearby with the girl, shouted to the whole street: "Denis, will you go in today? Come in! The key is where it is usually!"
Try to prove that it’s not a camel :D

1 (23:33:11 18/09/2010)
I cannot force myself to work.

2 (23:33:55 18/09/2010)
Work made the monkey man.

1 (23:34:09 18/09/2010)
This sort of spell will not happen with me.

I sit behind the compass. The younger brother says, I’ll go and polish a gun. He goes to the toilet. Only after 10 seconds I remembered that a couple of days ago we found a small bronze model of the gun at home.

and x:
in a couple of weeks he managed to do what n-one number of people tried to make of me a year four)
and :
The pregnant? HDD

In two weeks it will be 18. At the age of 18, I quit smoking! and :)
See also: PZDC When in Europe only start smoking in Russia already quit, a war country :D

Yesterday I went to the subway.I was tired... terribly (no strength for anything... I mean, I went out of the subway, sat on the bus, and decided to get out of my pocket on the backpack player... I look at the pocket is open... well I naturally... I blow everything... and the phone was stolen and my player is widely, I look at it...

There are a hundred rubles (not my), snipers and whose phone number is on paper... and immediately my native phone and player...

P.S. There are good people, and there are more than bad ones.

Before sex, I always removed the cross because it interferes, and one day I didn't get out and gave it:

Do you take off the cross before sex because it’s hindering or because I’m from hell?? to

Girl: what is the name of the fist that is given in the army so that the grandmother doesn't want to...
Boy: P**duli XD

I have been rejected in different ways.
But not to give hard to transfer data from one computer to another, motivating this by the limitation of rewrite cycles - it is a shit of some kind.

and ReNde:
yesterday at a lecture on material science, on the shift between two half-pairs lay on my arms and fell asleep, then I wake up I hear something speaking loud to someone from behind, stop talking you interfere with me, see a person sleeping no one interferes) I raise my head, she is like you sleep) and continue to sleep)

The wound burns again.
The Institute of Protein (Protein)
They apparently decided to drop out and translated the page into English.
Squirrel Institute – Institute of Proteins.
Such a wound.

XXX: The Hearing
You remember, I ran around the office with a joyful scream "URRA I finally found these devil’s stuff!!!!!!!!" and
YYY: UGU
Q: Didn’t you see where I put them then? >.<

Rafnsvartr: Today the story was told a funny one.)
Rafnsvartr: A guy from the parallel group, I don't know where he came from, the name Shishilin. When he was included in the lists of the curator with the old man, his brains exploded.
Daos: What is it?
Rafnsvartr: Try to write his name by name)))
O_O and O_O
by Rafnsvartr:

Of two evils, we can choose both.

Stealing a good book is not a sin.

One of my good acquaintances has such a quiet passion - the collection of all sorts of signs and other street and not only rarities. The whole room is covered and hooked. “Stop the first wagon,” he said. Repair work is underway!Road signs, indicators of settlements, and other things.
She pulls them from wherever she can. It is quite understandable that with such a hobby in her bag there is always a pair of switches and flat blades. One day after the interview (on the work, which she was eventually not taken), she left the office, irritatedly knocked the door, looked around, and immediately gambled a bronze tablet with the inscription "Head of the personnel department of Sulejmanov Sergey Denisovich" from that door.
That is, each such thing has not only something of its own, but also has a history.
Friends, knowing her passion, also sometimes pull interesting things.
But mostly all this is extracted in city trips, on walks, and other casual ways. She does not hunt for rarities specifically, but if she looked at something, then the fate of this "something" is inevitable.

Once, she needed blood from her nose and a sign with the name of the train.
Moscow is wet. Not “Russia”, not “Moscow-Vladivostok”, but this one. Then she took a friend with her, so that it wasn't so scary, and under the cover of the night they penetrated into the territory of the barracks in the area.
At the Yaroslavl station, they found the desired train, and the plaque was ringed.
And on both! The guards immediately attached them.
They were brought to the line department, drafted a protocol, and already intended to release. But here a friend, having found out that she was not going to give a plate even under the protocol, arranged a debush, caught up in the rarity, and scratched two line police officers. As a result, it was not possible to defend the plaque, and instead of it, a case of theft and hooliganism took place at the place of residence.
The case for insignificance was transferred to the department of the district, and one evening he went to her with a search. Well, maybe not with a search, but simply to take testimonies. The fact is that when he entered her room, he looked around, whistled, and wavered.
Then he took off his coat, wiped out his forehead, and suddenly said, pointing somewhere in the corner:
and oh! I do not have this case closed yet!
In the corner hanged a standard light box with the inscription "Carl Marx Street, d. 19”

He did not write the protocol, only strictly threatened the criminal with his finger, took the box, and left happy.
And the next evening he suddenly knocked on the door, and slightly embarrassed stretched out a plastic bag with the words "It's for you!"
She carefully took the bag, opened it, and surprised to get out an old, slightly scratched, heavily blurred and one-angle plaque.
Head of the 1st Special Division of VCHK Friedman O. S is.”