...
First they fuck up, and then 30-year-old single women.

I was hugged in a commercial bank today and was well served on the mail. Yesterday was very well served. The end of the world is really near.

Answers in the mail.

Question: How to get a useful effect without spending energy and without applying work?

The answer is to send someone else’s beer.

Mom helped shut down banks

YYY: Well what? Closed the banks?

YYY: Did the liquidation of banks be announced publicly?

The affinity design. The designers are low. Talk about shoes.

According to analysts, in the first month Apple could sell up to 10 million iPhones 5

Maybe not to sell. Or not 10. Or not Apple. Not in the first month.

It is analyst!

Oh girls, girls...
Oh, how I am pleased! Are you just so, or in business? <pause> Emm, what are you alone without Andrew? < brother>
YYY: One kind of
XXX: Then I will re-formulate the question – what am I stuck?

not so. A woman needs an automatic box. Because the woman has two legs and the car has two pedals. All logical and understandable. And the mechanics are more convenient for a man, because even if the pedals of the car are three and the legs of the man are two, you can always put a cock on the brake.

Dear brother, plz Are you ready to finish work soon?? to
Shwarts: Here I have been more than ten years as an admin! And I am every year more and more confident that as soon as I meet a banking programmer, I will immediately put him in the ass of the old Soviet thermos! Blowing up, Blowing up!
Ponka: EEMM... And why exactly "Sovdepovsky thermos"? and ;))
Shwarts: That is it! This is for the rest of the banking programmers to sit down and break their heads - "Why, bleat, the sovedepovsky thermos?and "
Shwarts: And only I’ll know that I didn’t actually come up with anything more stupid!! to

Kg: Hey, some year ago, the little girl started demanding to sing to her "orani". That we did not know (Google did not help in any familiar language), and every time that demand ended in hysteria, tears and crying. A year has passed and today she sang the "orange mouse on the floor".

The younger sister comes with her father from the market.
Do you want ice cream?
I : Yes.
Sister: We didn’t buy you.

HHH: My grandmother virtuously confuses words. He looked at me so long, carefully... and said:
“Your dad didn’t finish universities, my mom studied in school for three... And she was so beautiful, so smart... And who did it? One word is product.
Babylon, maybe a self-made baby?
A. Well yes

Blind faith does not see the truth.

daughter
This story happened before my second marriage, when I moved to a new apartment in Zhukovsk. My daughter appeared to me less often - twice a week, or maybe once.
Before the NH comes from her SMS: "Dad, will you go to "Inversion" to celebrate the new year?".
My old place of work, the attitude to employees and between employees – as in the family, accordingly, the tradition before the NG to gather all who worked there before.
I hate sending SMS, but for some reason the same way and answered (no to call)
I: Well, I don’t know how I’ll feel.
D is no. I need to know exactly.
Chechu rep - daughter 15 years old
Do you need an apartment?
D is yes. Just the apartment.
I: Well, if it is necessary, I will have to go...
D: Thank you very much.
It is hard in the soul. I go to the NH to that office. I sit there with a friend, a single father, a son a couple of years older than mine.
I: Give it up, Leonid. So said and so. I was sent by a daughter from my own house – go, speak, celebrate and don’t come back. As an experienced daddy, what other reasons could there be besides what I thought?
L: You may not even think. There can be no other reasons. Make a schedule of use of the house. When you can bring a lady, when she is her cavalry.
I am: Wait. Should I participate as a father?
L: Well the dick. When my son was hanging on the phone for an hour, I talked to him in a manly way. Anything you want, just use condoms. Here on such a shelf they lie, don’t go on a date without condoms! There are so many dangers around. I don’t even go to the bakery without a condom.
I cut the tail even more. Alcohol makes my thoughts darker. Fuck the fuck. 15 (fiveteen) years ago!! What kind of condoms?
Eventually, he promised to give me a rifle. Yes is. To scare her cavalry. But while the gun is busy... There is an old saying that it is not as terrible to be a grandfather as it is to sleep with a grandmother.
With such annoying thoughts, I drove out of the celebration. Rouge, cavalry, schedule of use of the apartment, condoms. I don’t know how to talk about this with my daughter!!! to
My apartment is... more than single. Someone is talking about scattered socks. Passed stage - they hanged on my luster, so as not to look for a long time in this cabaret.
I come home, as usual, right behind the computer. Something is wrong.
The monitor is glued with a poster: Papa. Happy New Year!! to
I look at the apartment. The room is cleaned. A tree is worth. and dressed. Air balloons in the carnival. There is a note attached to the refrigerator door: “Save the salad with mayonnaise.”
I open the refrigerator – there is a salad, cake, champagne and a bunch of delicacies.
I was ashamed. I call my daughter. I thank you. She came with a friend. And all that marathon they did all day long. I invited them both to the restaurant.
It’s great when you have a daughter.
Bahruz

Nothing raises the mood in the office in the morning like a couple of Viagra pills thrown into a common coffee shop.

I’m in a suburban bus, in the street of fog. At the next stop comes out a crowd of babboys, who, swinging, wander in the direction of the turn to their village. The bus touches and goes on, and the back window opens a view of the crowd of swinging silhouettes following the bus, gradually hiding in the fog. And in my head somehow begins to play music from The Walking Dead...

A girl was driving on Opel. On the back seat was a cat. The kitten carried something, she turned without stopping and began to fix the carriage. The car was first crushed by the side of the deterrent, and when the deterrent was over - turned into a quilt. Do you know the summary? "I’ve always been told that Opel is shit"

Happiness is when the oncologist tells you, “Hello, you are not our patient!”

Understand the content of the last closet.
n: divided things into "useful, let", "last time left - not used, you can throw out" and "last time left - not used, but so pleasant to hit them that I will leave them, in order to the next disassembly of the hole in five years again to hit";;

@na0ta I put the car in an excellent department.I have already had time to talk to Colonel Borshch and Lieutenant Neznajko.I feel like a resident of the Flower City.