bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №52772
 03.09.2011
And we cooked: for a banquet of some local bankers/businessmen, the nail of the menu was a dish “crabs baked in ananas sauce.” The chef is young, and the majority of these bankers graduated from contemporary schools and remember the classics. Not appreciated humor, the cook was fired.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №52771
 03.09.2011
I sit and wait for my turn in the solarium. The administrator always cries on the phone:
and AHA. And you know what it is. Yes to! and thou shalt throw away, even with this thistle, the prostitute, and the joke with this! What?? Do you know that Tania? You are a prostitute, right? What?? Is it your sister?? to
The silence, the hiccups :)

[ + 77 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52770
 03.09.2011
Today, circumstances have forced us to look at our brave militia. They drank tea with cookies and watched House 2. This is what I know about evil.

[ + 69 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52769
 03.09.2011
A case of support:

For whom is the contract signed?
and cat! The cat!! Is the contract signed for you?? to
and yes!! to
- Treaty signed on Mazus Yevfrin Isaakovna

I’m sitting now thinking... for a catch...

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №52768
 03.09.2011
Ebu_and_eboma: return nick I love_and_love Suki!!!! to

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №52767
 03.09.2011
I saw here on the beam the post of the chela who entertains at work cutting the tape of Mebius along the axis... I broke my whole brain and cut off a bunch of paper: it turns out if you cut the tape of Mebius the first time exactly in the middle, it doubles in length and twists again, and if you cut it again in the middle you get two strips wrapped together!!! Try it!! And that’s not her only interesting property.

PS: And stop ticking members in iPhones and other technology.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №52766
 03.09.2011
Answer to Mail:
Tell me. There is no video game.
The answer:
is cool. About like "Pinis is there, but only does not"

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №52765
 03.09.2011
Is there any non-standard selling method with a 100% return? One action = one sale.! to
YYY: Conductors in trams just have been working for many years.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №52764
 03.09.2011
The potential became worse and the money for life seemed to be enough.

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52763
 03.09.2011
Obama vs our vacationers =)
This summer rested at our resort, called, in narrow circles, Anapa. Many holidaymakers have probably encountered African Americans on our beaches, accurately nicknamed “Obama,” dressed under the shirt.
Chunga-changa, in hip bonds, armed with spies and sacrificial sticks, for roasting wilds. Obama work on the beach by taking photos with holidaymakers for money, and by experiential insight determining the solvency of the client and calling the price of the photo, usually at the end of the photo session, often shocking the client =) But we know that greed often ruins the freer and, by equipping a couple or three trusting family couples with children, you can get on the client, who... however, about this further and go on.
On that day, the standard three of Obama were bypassing their possessions on the beach.
Gemete also noticed a couple of cute girls, camera owners, who were sunbathing on the front strip of the beach, not knowing that they were victims of Obama's attention. Further - more, the surrounded girls watched the dance with spies, the sacrificial dance of the wild tribe, the first pictures were taken, then the girls on their shoulders, then the girls on the sacrificial rod over the fire, more pictures, then the "hunt for the bride", more pictures, then the sacrifice, more pictures, etc. When the photo session ended, it turned out that the pictures were taken about 15 pieces and Obama paid a bill of 150 rubles per photo. It is funny, right? The girls had something about 500 rubles with them for two and they were terribly confused (well, who goes to the beach takes 5 thousand with them?) But Obama showed some cruelty and persistence, expressed in the fact that they began to very aggressively and aggressively demand money from the girls.
The girls offered to remove unnecessary photos from the camera, but no, the photos were taken - pay, typically we danced here in vain and hunted the bride? Work done, what about removing the photo? But there is no more money, hm... they agreed that tomorrow morning the girls will bring another 1500 rubles to the beach. Obama went on, and the girls, really upset, began to gather, the mood was ruined for the whole day... But... Obama did not take into account that this story was watched by a few strong guys named on the beach – rescuers who were entirely on the side of the girls. The support group stopped the girls' attempt to leave the beach, they talked about something lively for 10 minutes, laughed friendly and the girls calmly continued to rest. And the next morning...
Dear ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know if you’ve read Akunina’s “Diamond Wheel”, where Fandorin gets to Japan and encounters various Japanese martial arts, but the guys apparently read and applied the favorite tactics of Japanese ninjas – rabbit kills a tiger or hunting a hunter.
The trap was arranged according to all the rules of Japanese science and Obama got caught without even realizing what it was =) And the next morning... =) The girls came to the beach as nothing happened and took their place by the sea...
After 40 minutes, Obama also appeared, noticing the "debtors", and jumped to them: "Hey girl Chunga-changa came, give money" But... next up two guys and offended say: "What is it that you and our girls were photographed, and with us? By the way, meet me, I am Lecha, I am Dima, this is my girlfriend Lena, and this is mine, Lights. What scenes do you have there? Hunting for the bride? Do we also want sacrifice? And we too. Obama, after the influx of customers, joyfully photographs, dances chunga-changa, screams and squeezes with spies. About 20-25 photos were taken. The photos are taken, Obama starts counting - they exhibit a price of 3500 rubles. At this point, there was a major misunderstanding between the parties. The guys opened their eyes and said that apparently our African-American friends got something confused, because Dima and Lecha not only do not pay anyone for a photo, but they themselves only take photos for money and Lena with the Light too, because they work with photo models and photos with them - paid. At the end of each photo
Obama must 250 rubles, for a photo with Lesh also 250 rubles, and for a photo with girls, considering the volume of photo products and wholesale discounts of 450 rubles / piece. Obama has a total of 13,000 rubles. Here, now, without leaving this place. And if you don’t believe us, here are five more witnesses.
(the rest of the rescuers, who by this time had already surrounded Obama with a dense ring) they will confirm that we are photographing the canvas.
To say that Obama was offhelied, is to say nothing, the gift of speech they lost immediately, with such greed they faced for the first time.
But the gift is free, and there is no money... and Obama can’t pay, and they can’t say anything at all... Well, let’s now how much there is, but only 400 rubles, no, tomorrow morning you bring the rest, and we’ll leave this spear, the sacrificial rod, this shaman’s drum and your asses and eagle’s feathers (all that is listed is taken away right away, and we’re going to make a pledge for you).
Obama is standing in a stupor) and here is this overcrowded bandage. Here, realizing that soon he will take away the likeness of cowards and have to go home shaking the farm, Obama wildly shouted. Realizing that they were dressed in full, and so cleverly that now they will be left without everything, Obama surrendered to the mercy of the winner entirely. It was fun to look at their sad faces, because I never saw such confused Obama again. But that wasn’t all... The bargain began, under what conditions Obama can be released and not suffer great losses from a failed photo session =) The bargain ended, did you see the flattering Obama multiplied by 2 in the 3rd degree? I saw... I will never forget.
From the support group separates one guy, goes to the booth, takes a megaphone and... announcement on the entire beach: Dear vacationers, today, only once this season, our African friends conduct an action: During 3 hours everyone, everyone, every vacationer, including children and grandmothers has the right to take a photo FREE and how many can on their cameras!!! Is it necessary to say what effect the exploded bomb had on the children and their parents? Such a hole.
Since then, Obama has been extremely polite and careful, they quietly approached holidaymakers and quietly said that they do not pay for photos, but can take photos with holidaymakers for reasonable money.
50 rubles per photo. Here is she, the great force of justice and labor therapy.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №52762
 03.09.2011
In 1975 I was confiscated a self-propelled machine. Yesterday saw it at the exhibition "Modernization and nanotechnology".

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №52761
 03.09.2011
xxx (17:04:04 2/09/2011)
What exactly?) to find out?
yyy (17:05:52 2/09/2011)
No, I’ve figured it out a long time ago.
yyy (17:07:52 2/09/2011)
We need to clean up the apartment completely. Take the cat for castration. in the stores. Eat to cook, learn to cook :(
xxx (17:09:18 2/09/2011)
Cat sad (you sleep this way, the hostess takes you on her arms, you wake up joyful, you think we go for a walk, and then you wake up from a narcissistic hammer and without eggs and you think "Here we went".

[ + 71 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52760
 03.09.2011
Comment on the news about the lightning strike of a tourist on the mail:

As a teenager, I went down to the basement in the evening, the lamp did not burn, I put my hand to the switch and got a disgusting stroke, I lighted the light bulb, it turned out that the light bulb was dropped and the switch was pulled out, leaving out two naked wires... After that, superpowers came to me and I stopped believing in the CPSU forever.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №52759
 03.09.2011
Oh, any abrokadabra in Nassau, read it and everyone is afraid!
Well, in English, I don’t think it will be scary.
Imagine a situation: a dark room, a pectogram on the floor, candles, everything is right, you sit with a knife in your hand, blood falls from your finger and you say: London is the capital of Great Britian.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №52758
 03.09.2011
An American version of the irony of fate: Every year, according to the tradition, Apple employees go to the bar and lose a prototype of a new iPhone there.

[ + 59 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52757
 03.09.2011
I heard a conversation between two teachers:
Literature is shit! How did these students get me! I am afraid to leave them alone in the classroom - they will immediately put everyone on their ears.
Chemist: Well... You at least don’t have to trust them salic acid.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №52756
 03.09.2011
XXX:Checked the credit base of customers.Stopped on some LLC "Carbon"
XX: Immediately there was a desire to call their director and find out how he got his latest album Cannibal Corpse))

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52755
 03.09.2011
Mda... I got... tomorrow I go to the doctor, about the head... his name is Zemtsov Leonid Olegovich, to protect... doctor Z.L.O.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №52754
 03.09.2011
Training by

A woman is offended by a man in two cases: when he sees in her only an enemy and when he sees in her only a friend.
YYY: And even when he hits her toe on her face :)
xxx:so sorry)"

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №52753
 03.09.2011
Apple is looking for the iPhone 5 prototype that one of the developers left in the bar. This is not the first time a secret prototype of Apple’s mobile device has disappeared.
A device so secret that you can put it in your pocket, leave the company and go to the bar. There it is necessary to either bite the shit that it would unnoticedly fall out of the pocket, or put it on a stand (for general view) and accidentally forget. Everyone would keep their secrets.
You might think of a stunned phone. We lost a satellite here.

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