A: You are a major. Eat cookies out.
A: This is my wife of hell. Enjoy it, by the way. Only take into account are cookies "not breaking".
A: Does it not break?
Q: In the sense - "Don't break your teeth when you eat"

A tired woman came from work.
Do you want to cut the salad large or no difference?

by fixik_papus
As soon as you start doing something really, you immediately realize how little you think. A-la "I HZ which lubricant to spit here, better I call the mechanic"
by utgard_loky:
Which is the one and whisper, if there are different then whisper the one that is cheaper, if you do not know the price, whisper the one that is closer.

Prosecution of victims of crimes.

The adult, dead man is the ideal citizen.

Yyy: But after all, it provokes necrophilia and cannibalism.

XXX: Created adult man

I saw a poster on the cafe: from 9 to 11 discount on coffee and dessert 50%! I came and they worked on 11.

About the ancient Indian ritual game of ball and our team.

The fact is that in this game the victorious team was sacrificed. The Indians considered it an honour to die in this way and therefore played without any subsidies. I fear our team is the only one that has survived since then.

We smelled somewhat of a memorial.
Not dead though?
No canoes, quite alive and lively! You won’t find it everywhere if you only walk with yours.
and hm. And if the ecologists of St. Petersburg smelled eggs, then I am directly lost in guessing who the North American ecologists smelled? The scum?

The farce is for lazy men, the real men rub meat into a crumb with two knives.
by the topor. And with the bucket :)

No, I understand it all, on the pig/beef carcass a pig/cow is drawn, the type of which is made. On the dog/cat food is drawn a dog/cat type for whom it is made. On the sauce of Ankl Bens is painted a black uncle, the type of who made. But a fun pig in a cooking cap and with a huge eye! on the bench on the label of the branch - it is already beyond the boundary of good and evil. And my understanding...

In our country, as everyone knows, the owner or a majority shareholder necessarily appoints himself as a director, and necessarily a general, takes the largest office, the most sick secretary and the biggest hemorrhoids in the form of a bunch of affairs.
Because to delegate powers is dangerous (deceived), and somehow "not pathetically".
Oh well ok.
It happened to me to "scroll in the neighborhoods" and open a company. Not Gazprom at all, but the prospects are bright and for bread with oil and sometimes ivory is enough.
He took the position of type "creative director". by Nietzsche. Because I managed to work by hiring and the level of hemorrhoids was quite clear.
The Customer. by Sorrento. I am dissatisfied with the company in general and myself in particular. Stupid but stupid. I didn’t get a bit of it, idiot.
I promised to "report the situation to your CEO!".
Fuck, I broke my pattern.

The call:
Free consultation with an endocrinologist. Is your weight more than 80 kg? (with the enthusiasm
No, it is okay)
It is bad... (dark)
So well right?? to
No is! It is bad! (He throws the phone)

It is not necessary to swallow so as to sweat, but to harvest a good harvest.

Ethanol covers

In every profession there is an unattainable professional. Not everyone has met him, for many – it is only theoretically possible “horse in the vacuum”, but for that he is the benchmark.
But my friend Sergey was lucky, he saw the reference professional with his own eyes and even spoke to him. Let it be just a cleaning agent from the cleaning agency, but nevertheless.
And the thing was so – one beautiful morning, Seregina’s wife called the cleaner to put the whole apartment on her ears, to make a repair, to wash the windows, to grow forty pink bushes, to separate the oatmeal from the oatmeal, well, and so for the little things.

Sergey met with the reference Cinderella in the corridor. Nothing special, an ordinary woman under sixty. He said goodbye and went to work.

The evening came. The cleaner did all the things, even Sergey's selfless wife had nothing to do with it. How can I get a reference cleaner? But to be a benchmark, it is not enough to be a Cinderella.

When the woman had gathered, changed her clothes, and it was time to say goodbye, she said:

“Sorry, I can’t help but ask, and all these paintings your husband painted?
- Yes, here are these, these aquarels and the graphics in the kitchen, too. and what?
I like it very, very much. Just very much. You know, my nephew also paints well, not as your husband, of course, but he loves this business and tries. Sorry for the obscenity, and maybe my nephew will call your husband, consult what?
In principle, why not? Please record the number, let him call.

The next day Sergey got a phone call:

Hi Sir Serge. My name is Zoya, I cleaned your house yesterday, my wife gave you your phone.
Oh yeah yeah yeah. Do you want to ask something about your nephew?
And yes and no. I have no nephew, only a grandson.
(Sergy stressed) So what do you want?
"Sorry for this little trick, I just didn't want to get into someone else's family affairs. Rather, I did not want to, so I went to the trick. In short, yesterday, your wife and I moved the bed.

Sergey was overwhelmed, how could he forget, because to the back of the bed he screwed a small bag, in which was his ass - as much as a thousand and a half dollars. For the new big scapegoat, just a wife, by her nature, is not ready for such prices on bicycles.

The woman continued:

Money was made on the back of the bed. And after they were attached, I immediately realized that it was a man’s job. So, until I saw your wife, I unnoticed the bag and hid it in a large room under a picture of the sea and the ships.
So don’t worry, your secret remains only your secret. Good luck, Sergey, and I apologize for the worry.

I think that his new great Sergey simply has to be called “Zoya.”

Pensioner Maria Ivanovna, who was unable to call Putin, the governor presented a two-bedroom apartment.

Comments to the article on security systems based on the use of artificial intelligence and behavioral biometry.
That’s what happens – after a drink of cognac or a cup of coffee, the millisecond pattern between keyboard clicks will change slightly, and the computer will remove me from controlling myself?
What a terrible future! You wake up in the morning from the body, and the computer you, instead of dumb: brother, you look bad, access to your account is blocked.
There will be no bodyguard, because the day before in the bar: all the boys, still a drink and left. I don't want to sleep in the entrance anymore, or the smart house installed - he doesn't let me go into the apartment.

aaa: I think you need the experience of advanced countries) gas, pepper, water meters, rubber bullets, horses
As you can, kids!
SS: Then gasket, pepper, waterproofers, rubber bullets, pony.

I work in a zoo shop. One of the buyers long and sadly looked at hamsters, and then issued: "I also had two hamsters as a child. On one hammer I slipped and on the other I fell..."

XX: When I was younger, I was very embarrassed. To hide my uncertainty, I started smoking, it seemed to make me stricter. I got to two packs a day, started to cough heavily, decided to quit. He dropped, began to eat more, weakened, decided to lose weight. To suppress the feeling of hunger in the evenings and to fall asleep faster, he began to drink a little, gradually forgotten seriously. After being drunk, he smoked again and started eating at night. I am an alcoholic, weighing 120 kg and smoking. Melt, it would be better to squeeze.

Sometimes cats are worse than tigers
The Tiger Somewhere There
XXX: The cat is here. It must be washed.

I discussed with my father my work on kindness.
The story of how a boy rescued a cat from a well
That’s not kindness. It is courage, heroism.
Is it?
and yes. The boy could be kind, but not brave enough to climb the well. And then, by his kindness, he would just shoot the cat so that it would not be tormented.
–...