bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №131419
 29.07.2016
I went to work that morning, it was autumn, there was a guy lying in a leaf without a T-shirt, under drugs. In the end, I called an ambulance, they looked, said that it was not their client, the police needed. And then the guy jumps up, runs dumb to the concrete fence and hits his head from all the mach and falls. The ambulance looked at me so sadly and said: "and now go our client" and go pick up.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131418
 29.07.2016
I finally understood why all kinds of fools like Jehovah’s Witnesses are constantly being tapped before me. My face is benevolent.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131417
 29.07.2016
I once met an individual.
The appearance is good.
Education, decent manners, culture are available.
He does not drink, does not smoke, does sports.
There is an apartment!
Sex is okay too.
Getting married offers.
So here you, I escaped from my happiness, got bored with boredom and unreasonable jealousy. pregnant at the same time. I never regretted.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131416
 29.07.2016
I smoke at the entrance and see the announcement of the water shutdown from today.

Next to him, the father pulls the child home from a walk.

Speaking with a strict voice.

- What a capricious boy, for this I will turn off the hot water in your apartment!

My dad was angry...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131415
 29.07.2016
About the ideal guy from whom the wife wants to drop, some thoughts arose:

1st He says he’s making money fucking. But once so, this work should require a great deal of effort, either physical or mental. Simply do not pay the ZP several times higher than the average. And if he’s not a superman, I don’t believe he’s capable of cheating every day. Moreover, he writes that he is no longer young.
2nd The child at the age when you need to change diapers, 18 hours a day or sleep, or suckles. Even when people come home from work, it’s hard. So a few hours in the weekend is not God knows what heroism.
Three Sex every day, even if it is true, may not please a woman. Some are quite enough once every 3-4 days, and more often - already unpleasant. If our superman demands every day, and even for a long time, maybe she’s tired already and decided “no.”

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №131414
 29.07.2016
You can fuck not what your breasts have grown in, but what your brains have grown in.

222: Of course, I apologize, but in this case at least half the country should remain fuzzy :pushba2:

111, and thank God. Let them sit, the genetic fund will be cleaner.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131413
 29.07.2016
xxx: the customer in the project asked to change the mask of the maximum number of working hours per week per employee from 00:00 to 000:00
XXX: The Cruel Company

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131412
 29.07.2016
News with the title "Moscow authorities have come up with an alternative to Pokemon Go with Tsoy and Gagarin"

XXX is an alternative. We have everything in a country with preferences and poets.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131411
 29.07.2016
The Governor is also a Pokémon. But this can only be caught on a large bribe.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131410
 29.07.2016
The year 5035. There are two problems in Russia. In the morning I moved to work and rejoice that you have your shoes in your ass, not a hole on your forehead.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131409
 29.07.2016
Beautiful but not beautiful. Previously, he was a boy and had no success with women. Analyzing it became bad. Not a pickup. Here is a pearl! It turns out that girls like to be rude in measure, when they decide for them, when they are not sought, but just take... NO! If you don’t like a girl, it’s pushing back! Summary: Of the more than 100 girls I’ve tried to separate, only two said ‘no’ after I split them. And I stopped! The border of violence, while most women like violence, is extremely blurred. It is necessary to feel, and when the girl is murmuring, angry, crying, frozen like in paralysis, in horror grabbed the knife - it is clearly not in agreement! Even if he says “yes” first, and then when he suddenly shares a sharp “no” – do not lead to sin, stop! Sometimes women don’t know what they want, and you have to sit there.! to

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №131408
 29.07.2016
Hubble, discussion of top programming languages:

XX: Languages are not interchangeable. They are like tools. No matter how popular a hook key is, it will never be able to replace a drill. How can you plan a personal future, pushing away from the popularity of a tool that doesn’t mean anything at all? Here it will take you a couple of years to spin the screw, and you have already buried the drill and two years studied the techniques of working with the hose key, which all these two years was fantastically popular and did not leave the charts. How will this popularity help to twist the screw?

YYY: Do you know how to twist the screws with a hook key? Do you call yourself a programmer?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131407
 29.07.2016
Yes, I did not take it in my hands for a couple of days, rubbing like a fool over the content from the first pages.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
Admits, bro, have you even read the ball with a strapped end?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №131406
 29.07.2016
Interview of wife (g) and husband (m):
Your shaving gel is over.
M: How did it end?
J: I don’t know how, I just took it and finished.
M: How did you know it was over?
J: Well, I shaved my legs and accidentally noticed that it was over...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131405
 29.07.2016
Nephew, 4 years old
and Tanya! and Tanya! Go to the bathroom with me, and I will hang myself!! to
I am : O_o?!!! Why did you decide to hang yourself?
Q: I do it every day! Go to help.
I: Well oooook...
He pulls me into the bathroom, leads me to the floor weights:
Let me hang you!


[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131404
 29.07.2016
About the Sophia textbook:

xxxxxxxxxxx:
Yes, I did not take it in my hands for a couple of days, rubbing like a fool over the content from the first pages.

Even the bored scientist admitted that the grandfather with a cigar nervously smokes in the side.

And the most interesting thing is that I know and understand all these terms, but I am not tired of rubbing over the sick fantasy of their creators.
Moreover, they are fun in themselves, but when they go in front of each other - tiredness, fluffiness - it naturally endures the brain.

Natural description of Friday. Tiredness, fluffiness and tension of the twisted rod.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131403
 29.07.2016
xxxxxxxxxxx:
There are two news.
1st Good: the tea machine stopped turning off without boiling. and :)
2nd Bad: the tea can now not turn off in principle

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131402
 29.07.2016
A video with speaking Beatles, one of the comments:
Someday, this wonderful group will have enough money to buy a third microphone for George.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131401
 29.07.2016
Where did you come from? I am a man, and for 2000 I will buy meat, vegetables, which I have enough for the first, second and salad. Not for one day. On smoothies and tofu, I agree not enough.

///////////////////////////////////////

Once to go and once to eat are two big differences.
Not everyone can afford to go to the store every day - then work, then work, in general, every hernia has.
So yes, 2K will be small for one trip.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131400
 29.07.2016
The story took place in my deep childhood, when my mother’s puzzles on the horizon were introduced to primitive horror.

The morning. My mother calls. “Get the cocktails out of the freezer in the evening to freeze up,” he says. “Just don’t forget. Do not forget, I say.”

But the day was long and busy, so I remembered my promise only after my mother called, “Overall, I’ll be home in 20 minutes, I hope you haven’t forgotten the cocktails.”

Panic and panic! My childhood brain was looking for any way to accomplish a party task from a mom in such a short period of time. And all this happened under the auspices of dementia and courage.

“The plate! “I thought. “Take the cocktails on the plate and they will freeze.”

The plate. The gas. The cocktails were deadly frozen to a faisan plate.

Consequently, after a few seconds of such searches, the plate cracked exactly in half... with still frozen cocklets on each side.

Time was getting less and less.

“The hot water! »

And now, dear friends, let’s think together what can happen if you pour hot water into the boilers.

Enclosed by a traffic jams, in which, in warm water, float broken into the farce coatlets.

“That is blind! ! to They need to be blinded back. ! to »

My childhood brain guessed taking a little flour to blind them back was easier. But here is the problem: after their reincarnation, the coclets still did not want to keep their shape.

I stuck them in the freezer and locked the maximum freeze. Just a few minutes later, a new plate with puddles, slightly covered with a layer of inguinum, appeared on the kitchen table.

“If I had really got them sooner, I would have melted up,” I thought and went for the hairdresser.

And here, I, in my red-and-white-pointed dress, stand in the kitchen and lovefully warm the coatlets with a hair dryer.

A bell at the door.

I, moving my little legs as quickly as possible, run with the dryer toward the bathroom, clamp it in the box and clean it on the shelf, where it has a place.

“Mom, hello... »

My mother never knew about my adventure, but insulted me for the broken (ha-ha) plate.

A few days later she called me and asked me a very compromising question:

Why do we have a fan in farce?

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