bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57454
 14.12.2011
Fate is not what happens to us; fate is what you do when something happens to you.

[ + 85 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57453
 14.12.2011
I have always admired those nameless but important people of mankind who gave the world their brilliant inventions. It was given because their creations are so brilliantly simple that once they have seen it, anyone can repeat the miracle: Fire Wheel, Steam, Luke Riding, and not enough.
Each of these things divided human history into “before” and “after.”
It's not for you any sluggish iPhone, from which soon will take money even for charging the battery...
Truly great discoveries – unmistakable and comprehensible – I have seen, swallowed, applied, and you have the feeling that your entire tribe has been working only for you.
And for me as a director and a seeker of strong emotions, the reaction of people to a miracle has always been interesting.
I was lucky one day. I have seen with my own eyes how the ancient people, who carried loads on them all their lives, saw the wheel for the first time.

Winter in the Ivanov region. The sleeping forest. The operator and I came to film a documentary about local crafts. We were brought in by a student from Finland, Ilma. Finka, like a Finnish, small, strong as a taburet, cheerful, company and speaking Russian. No burden at all.
The concentrated Ilma ran with her camera over the deep snow and with her thick clothes she managed to press a button.
“The Rec.” Diploma work is not a hookah.
The woodsmen were afraid of us and were kind and welcoming, for we drank tea with their governor yesterday. Little, suddenly he to thirty-degree frost even the wind will leave them, then in general the pipe.
The filming was fun and boycotted, otherwise you could have frozen.
I measured the length of the shadows from the pine trees, then put a rod in the snow and pretended the ratio of its height to the length of the shadow, divided, multiplied, counted the steps and got the point to which the top of the spinning tree should fall.
Then in this place put a camera (at least without an operator) and Ilmu
(which, for some reason, believed my calculations, because I was silent that in the school of geometry I had a hard couple).
Everything went like oil. The woodcutters “smiled” the trunk in the right direction, and the powerful hundred-year-old pine trees with threshold rolled precisely to the feet of our staff and the valleys of the brave Finn.
However, we didn’t bother and decided to take a break for a hot tea.
The woods were torn - one began to boycott the wood for the fire with a gasoline, the second tapped the place, the third used the tractor behind special armaturins and a hammer to hang the tea tree over the future fire.
The fourth pulled a huge bowl with the wires attached to it and boasted that these wires were his personal invention, or before everyone had to hold the pen over the fire until the potatoes were baked.
We and the operator, in joyful anticipation, rubbed our hands and only Ilma, with a supplication in her voice, asked:
- And you can first hot tea and lunch, and then fire and other winters.
The fun? Sorry, but I was very cold.
The woodcutters looked around stupidly laughing, but realizing that in Finland everything is not like in Russia, tried to patiently explain that we may not know like you, but in our forest on thirty-degree frost it is impossible to make tea without a fire. This is a cute girl, there is no gas or rosettes. So I have to wait. Here Sanya will cut a couple of branches and there will be a fireplace, then you will warm up.
Ilma understood nothing about the gas or the rocket and said irritated:
- So I ask - you don't need a fire - it's a long time, just make a fire -
Tea to boil and warm.
Here, the woods were already slightly strained, one even in a joke, or seriously stretched the fireplace to the Finnish.
She took it, pulled it into the stove and asked Sani for a gasoline.
Sanya gave it.
And the Finn from the beginner director instantly turned into a fairy little robber. Licho cut out a large pollen, thirty centimeters in diameter from the pine, and put it on a thork, it turned out to be her belt. We watched her as children for the wizard, it was seen that the seam was the same familiar thing for her as for our girls fan.
Further, she began to cut the pollen along like a cake, but not to the bottom - so that it did not break down into pieces. Only four cuts.
Then the Finn opened a cover and poured a few drops of oil out of the steel pile into the center of the wooden cake, slightly blushed the gasoline from the tank, gave the owner the unit, removed the ignitioner from the boiler and kicked it.
From the beginning of its work, until the appearance of the real gas plate passed exactly a minute. After ten, we all drank mint tea, and a potato with saliva was already shrinking on the wooden shell. The fire did not need to beined, it burned on its own - beautifully and precisely burning pollen from the inside, as if a clever gas balloon structure was hidden in the middle of the barrel. And it did not last five or ten minutes, but almost an hour.
Oh, what picturesque faces were in the former woods. It's a pity that the camera froze, or that it would be filmed for history. At first, they were suspiciously whispering waiting for the subwoofer, but when they realized that the subwoofer would not be and that their life was divided into "before" and "after", they already poured out the soul with joyful interdomains:
Hue...
About them...
You are your mother... well.
From her... b...
If Ilma suddenly shouted, “On your knees! »
I have no doubt that the woods would fall.
No one was working that day anymore, they were tearing each other’s seals and building wooden bourgeoisie, still not believing in their happiness.
And when we left the forest in the body of the tractor, we were accompanied by a snow field decorated with dozens of magical lights and joyful running people who, from that day on, no longer needed wood, no mangal, no wire on the bowl.

Would you know how pleasant it would be to be at least praised to Prometheus...

Honestly downloaded by http://storyofgrubas.livejournal.com/

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №57452
 14.12.2011
Do you want to fuck a cute black girl?
Husband : Of course!
Give money to the solarium!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №57451
 14.12.2011
Virtually all of the "office plankton" - pissels.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57450
 14.12.2011
XXX: Examination in Production Management on December 19
And there are tickets!!? to
Zzz: Yes, 150 children and 300 adults.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57449
 14.12.2011
Literally prepared elections, children/students are forced to study at the wrong time, bridges are burning, prices are rising, Omon kidnappers are instrumental...

If you live in this world - know, at birth you chose as a real man "hard" in the graph of difficulty

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №57448
 14.12.2011
I’m more than sure that if cats had learned to speak, their first words would have been: "eat meat" and "kosherno":)

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57447
 14.12.2011
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah What did you do to her?
UUU: These babies... The day didn’t go well, everything rolled out of the hands, at work, the last two weeks were completely disconnected from mobile phones, the internet and other communications... Here in this mess a call from her, well, I think we didn’t say for a long time, we should raise the tube, the girl is still mine:
Hello to you!
Hi to you! Tell Annika not to tell everyone that we are together.
(I am in Ahuya) And why did we break up?
Yes, I have abandoned you.
And how should I have known about it?
Well, I didn’t answer you on the sms, so I left you.
Here, with a wild whistle, I turn from the streak, rye for another five seconds, stop sharply, I say, "You are a fucking sheep, I put the telephone.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №57446
 14.12.2011
“I thought I’d seen a lot in this life, but the policeman’s ‘bubble’ is filled with colorful inflatable balls under the bandage...!!! to

[ + 33 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57445
 14.12.2011
xxx: Reviews of the movie "Sadko" of 1952. There is such a beautiful powerful woman. There were different standards of beauty.
WOW: Yes, only strong women survived the war: with one hand the cow is dried, with the other hand the freeze is suffocated.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №57444
 14.12.2011
I read in the comments:
"Today, 26.10.2011, in the store "Money" in the city of Sergiev Posad - пр. The Red Army, 218 - all the staff drunk! The treasurer drunk - recommends all red caviar, "it is very delicious, we have eaten on the bank today"! One of the guards sleeps between the ATMs, the other, fortunately, does not sleep, but is also not sober! Something unbelievable is happening in the shopping hall - one of the employees sleeps on cabbage, two girls are thrown through the fruit pool (thank you that not the canned banks), a lady selling fish and sausages, with another "girlfriend" eating caviar from the bench with a spoonful! This is the case! I will not write about the general situation and smell in the store and the quality of products - I think, in most stores the situation is the same!

It is good that I refused to work with them as a financial controller!) is

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №57443
 14.12.2011
XXX: You’re going to make me crazy!!! to
YYY: With a soft sign
xxx: what is it? Are you still chasing me?? to
YYY: I say, with a soft sign the word "touch". And "you’re chasing" too.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №57442
 14.12.2011
XXX is
Did you get in a taxi?
YYYY
I look forward to your next question.

[ + 74 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57440
 13.12.2011
®©: And if I dreamed I found a phone... How can I get it out of the cash now?

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №57439
 13.12.2011
XX: I have continuous Christmas markets, all kinds of tastes that are impossible to get rid of, and also the expectation of magic. Do you know who I want to be? I will go down to the roofs of the houses and help Cante bring gifts)))

YYY: Do you want to be a troll artillery?

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №57438
 13.12.2011
The delayed repair is an illusion of the meaning of life.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №57437
 13.12.2011
Reflecting on the victory, E.R. recalled:
...Once upon a time, a king travelled through his kingdom, examining, so to speak, possessions. And suddenly, passing through one of the villages, he saw something that made him very stunned: a lot of targets were drawn around (on the wall, a mill, on bags, on trees) and each of them, hit exactly in an apple. The king called the old man of the village and ordered to bring such an unusually striking gunman to him. They found
A 10 year old boy. The King was very surprised.
“How do you manage to hit the target so accurately?”
“It’s easy,” the boy replied, biting an apple.“I first shoot, then I draw a target.”

[ + 81 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57436
 13.12.2011
The biggest student lie: “List of used literature.”

[ + 54 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57435
 13.12.2011
Now it has become unpolitically correct to express "taken from the ceiling". It is necessary to say "calculated by the Churov method".

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №57434
 13.12.2011
from ZH:

My 3G modem is sometimes texted by someone Jan.
It is called Sasha Modem. He calls him to the cinema. He proposes to cross the city.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna