In a rental apartment in an aquarium, a somik died. They were terribly worried about how to tell the masters. They got courage, called, said on the phone, said, and so on.

The tube replied:
Do not worry. No one is eternal. All is ruined.

"Everything is destroyed", so they said!

Dad goes on a trip to Peter. When he is not at home, I comment on this case:
Dad goes to Leningrad.
In one line, four words. Mother on the brink:
I will buy a motorcycle for you!

Today I woke up in the morning and went out to the hallway to the picture: our bassist in shorts on a bare breast stands with the tube of my homeophone at the ear and with a completely stone fuck in it declares: "Hello. You called the teleportation service in Tver". Shut up so.

Bogachev in the company was called GOD, in the manner of Kazakh Bake, Saké, Maké.
One day they called on the door:
Who is there? Asked his wife.
We wanted to talk about God.
He wasn’t home, he went fishing. Come here tomorrow.

Serginio: Sist, your dexterity is contagious. I put the deodorant in the toilet.
Rodkinamf: This is nothing else. Yesterday I had a lens in my eye!!! It collapsed in two halves. The second half was painful. Small motorcycle. and grace. and luck.

Is there anyone among the Lorrains who goes to striptease?

ЪЪЪ: I was once at a Master and Legion concert 10 years ago. I promised striptease. The dressed girls came out, pulled the men onto the stage, split, in general, everyone looked at the strokes and this was the end of the matter.

The man who turned on music from Benny Hill during cycling, you made my night!

My husband recently bought a new smartphone. I put a lighthouse program there, that the diode lights, and became at night with this lighthouse books favorite to read. of paper. A nostalgic shit.

Anyone who has found Lenin’s Square can drink water.
Topologically, Lenin Square can be found on the city map.
Empirically, Lenin's Square can find any fool fantasy.
The mathematical method of calculating Lenin's area and Lenin-like objects can be found by Perelman.

If you want to make the world a little better, shoot yourself.

(From the stories of a familiar businessman)
The Preamble:
On one of the days of May, looking forward to leaving for a long-awaited yacht trip, I decided to order a fairly rare book on the history of the city, so that there was something to do in the free time from marine procedures. Delivery was made late in the evening, I was obviously the last on the list, and when a young man of quite rural appearance appeared on my doorstep, I was very happy. When transferring the money, he praised my choice with a couple of quotes from the book brought, thus showing that he clearly read the subject of my purchase. Since the book was rare (only a few thousand copies), and also sealed, I was somewhat surprised. But I decided not to appear and answer with a vitalistic quote in Latin - my nomenclature roots and a couple of higher education were affected. But the young man, with a smile, answered me at least in the same Latin. The courier obviously didn't rush anywhere - the time was late and I was the last customer on his list. To be honest, I was squeezed. In the courtyard were not the 90s, but 2005 was quite a year, the business of everyone grew like yeast along with oil revenues, and to all the rest, where does the guy dressed in practically slides know Latin and read such rare books? Not liking mystery, I asked directly:
Do you know Latin? The doctor, what did you study?
I have not studied Latin, but I know Latin. And he spoke not just a quote, but quite a meaningful phrase in ancient and great.
In general, congenital dissonance has increased.
Do you know anything about Italian, for example? (This was my favorite joke, because I knew Italian since MGIMO in the USSR).
Well I know. He makes a phrase in Italian.
At this point, I already looked like a natural obdolbyš - except that the saliva did not drop. Of course, his pronunciation was very far from ideal, but the phrase was clearly not taken from the conversation, and was built without a single grammar error.
And the French? (This is what I have already asked.
I also know. Here are a few words in French.
What are you, Polyglot? Languages are over?
I know only five languages and have not finished anything.
All of. out out. Complete breakdown of the brain. The saliva is probably already dropping - more visible from the side.
What else do you know?! to
The economy, the marketing of the enterprise, the rules of public procurement... I broke the list myself.
The scene was called "two fools found each other."
Returning partly to reality, I asked probably the most obvious question in this situation:
Sorry, but you can tell me, why do you work as a courier?? to
So I’m only 4 days in Moscow, there’s no money, and they pay here every day. They helped with housing.
I only had to give him a personal visit card and invite him to talk to the office tomorrow morning.
In the morning, the young man demonstrated enormous knowledge in everything possible, from computer programs to the translation of international business documentation, was taken to the staff of my modest firm and in a couple of years he completely deserved to sit in the chair of my first swing.

The Ambulance:

It was 94 years in the court. Dima, and so called our hero, was an ordinary quiet guy from a disadvantaged family. The father died in the last years of Soviet power, and the mother, not finding herself from the weight of the changes that fell on her in the first years of the new power, began to drink bitter in increasing quantities. Their killed twin in a crust on the outskirts of the city was in a mildly disadvantaged area. Neighbors were old grandmothers, the same alkashi and drug addicts who began to multiply like mushrooms. Dima then studied in the 11th grade, and he studied very average - because the money earned by his mother in the breaks between drinks for food was not often enough, he had to work out as necessary. Those who encountered that period remember well that in those years it was for eleven classmates to earn money even on wearable food, when around the candidates of sciences traded in tents with the feet of the Bush. In general, if not to get into crime and all the heavy, it was exhausting hard work, for which paid money or generally given the same products. Dima did not like the crime. Not being a sports guy, Dime was often obtained from peers, and in the courtyard he was simply not respected. The only joy in Dimna’s life was the light. A simple girl from a slightly more prosperous family. They were studying together at school, and from friendship to school graduation a tumultuous romance burst out. Light was not much more fortunate than Dima - she was the eldest child in the family, but her mother did not hide that her birth was a coincidence and ruined her mother's whole young life. She remembered her father with constant drunkenness and beatings of her mother, and she too was very often. In the late 1980s, his father went to the colony and died there in unclear circumstances a couple of years later. The mother, having run a marathon on the remains of the former beauty, quickly managed to humble a completely normal military and give birth to a younger sister, in that soul she did not hope. And the Light now received grievances from her mother on every occasion – for she was a constant reminder of her father and the beatings. But this happiness was not long - the officer's salary of the early 90s seemed to a father to laugh at the normal man and he submitted to the "dark side of the force." From where, as you know, in those years often did not come back. “Partners at work” told Svinty’s mother the sad news, left a small amount of money in the currency and forever said goodbye to the walls of their home. Life was becoming more and more difficult - the mother literally drove her out of the house, often rejecting the most urgent. The Girl of Light was, in general opinion, ugly, and getting on the panel was difficult for her not only by moral, but also by the number of physical moments.
In connection with all of the above, the young people found a common language on every occasion, and their feeling was absolutely sincere.
But then the graduation bell sounded, and the twisted paths of adult life opened up before them. Having decided to link their fate, they easily and happily obtained the permission of Svetina's mother and "bought" for a few bottles the permission of Mama Dima (both of them were still minors). Then there was the PTU (try to prepare for the institute, when every day until the night you work to eat, and Dima did not differ in special brains) and the army stunned.
But a couple of months after the 18-year-old Dimina's mother was poisoned with fake vodka and did not return from the hospital. After the funeral of his mother, Dima suddenly sharply understood the whole ass in which he was with his young wife, and made a very sharp and extraordinary decision.
He recalled that long ago his grandmother, at his age, came to conquer the capital from a small town lost in the Tversky forests. Dima found an old photo album under the bed and decided to roll. and urgently. Here Dime with Svata was lucky, and probably the only time in all these years in a big way - Dime was able to sell the two for market value and nobody heated them, which in those years, taking into account the age of the seller and his experience in such deals, was almost a miracle. With the money Dima bought a murdered car-Japanese, collected things and moved to the small homeland of his family. No one was waiting for him in town. The house has long been crowded by relatives, but heart-healthy people helped cheaply buy from those who wrote from the happiness of the opportunity to leave with even some money neighbors a quite wearable plot with a house and garden. The house and cars were bought for a quarter of the sum received from the Moscow apartment, but the main thing was ahead. With the help of relatives, Dima converted 200 enemy papers, which the local soldier held in his hands almost for the first time, into the opportunity to forget the word army (and this with regard to the Chechen campaign) and live peacefully with his life. After that, Dima and Svata made the main and final accord - hiring a truck and riding to the Moscow barakol, they got stuck with books. Thousands of books, dictionaries, textbooks, cassettes with lessons of foreign languages, etc. All this farm occupied good 3/4 of the purchased house. A computer and a sea of educational literature were also purchased.
Our newlyweds lived quieter than the water and below the grass - the city was patriarchal and small, about the bandits there were only fairy tales, there was no work, but the young people had nothing to take - they began to live like all natural farming and exchange - a rare and interesting book was sometimes able to exchange for eggs, oil or other valuable things in everyday life. Of course, the currency (and she was left with half the apartment) also helped, but no one knew about it except the young.
It has been almost 10 years. The entire library was read (a few times updated with books on business), the languages were learned. Her daughter grew up and had to go to school. And the money ended up. And here, in May 2005, leaving a child for a month to relatives (the town is small, there are no problems with this in principle), the strong and strongly intelligent:) Lights and Dima went to look for happiness in the capital.
The rest you already know.

P.S Light now works as a governor for very serious people, and receives not less than half of the huge Dimina salary :)

My wife and I came to pick up the children today.
The first to meet us came a happy grandfather.

Quote from Deep Blue Sea
And everything would be great, a terrible thriller, it all works, but since childhood I remember that whale sharks, although huge, but harmless like butterflies, swim quietly in the ocean, don't touch anyone and eat plankton, which cede through jade bows. A maximum of small fish can be eaten together with plankton. A lot of murderers, shit.
Interestingly, those who shoot this strawberry were aware, or for them a lot of knowledge, a lot of sorrow, the main thing, so that the worst came out?

They are not those who filmed the fools, they are probably the translators of the idiots. The film is about the Mako (black shark), one of the most aggressive and dangerous sharks.

Skunny: I look at a stand with alcohol, next to pop. A little bit, it is interesting. And then hop! He takes a cognac, says “nothing terrible” and goes to the box.

The chief allowed...

From my boss’s speech:
"For this work, you can cut off your hands. They still look bad on their ass..."

Andrei
My dad told me I had a woman. Until he said nothing more.

Tatiana
Has he reacted to those words?I am not 40 to be a woman.

Andrei
He said I found a good time to report this. I thought I shouldn’t say that through the toilet door.

xxx: in the most besieged Saratov courtyard on the sewer seat sits a thoughtful lion
I thought it was an installation.
Then the dog came and took him away.
What a place such.

This is:

Such some will have to grow up to Nabokov to understand the joke about the teleputzics!

It’s another thing, some (like me) will have to watch the TV puzzles to understand the joke about the TV puzzles. It is like that, the little ones :)

xxx: I just learned a luxurious Croatian word: pizdarya. It means disorder, poverty, and destruction. I’ll go to Mitchell and tell him what I see every day in his room. Let me not tell you that this is Feng Shui. The Croats know better.
yyy: There is a cultural Russian word "synarist". And a man.

I see a painting on the balcony.
Ford Focus pulls a five on a tie.
There are menta with mirrors behind them.
The focus is slowing, the fifth in his ass))))
They wiped out the menta and went on.
- I drove 15 meters, the focus stopped again and the fifth time in his ass)))
It’s just like you’re fucking fucking? ?