bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131159
 25.07.2016
I work in an electronics hypermarket.
A buyer arrives.
Q: Is the Samsung S7 straight really waterproof?
I: Yes, it is all right.
Q: What, directly under the water, can you take pictures and photographs?
I: Yes, up to 1.5 meters can be submerged.
Q: And what, can you talk directly underwater?
I: Can you do it?
Q: A... a... a... a... a...
has gone.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131158
 25.07.2016
On my grave should be written:
She wanted so much, but was too lazy to do anything.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №131157
 25.07.2016
AAA: Heroes of nanotechnology today, I declare with knowledge of the case...

Repairs in the purchased apartment. And as is the case, the previous owners did not glue the wallpaper where the cabinets stood. Whether they were lustful, whether they were lazy to move, it’s not the point... The important thing is that the whole wall had to be glued.

So, new beautiful high-tech and other bla-bla wallpapers cut off - like two fingers on asphalt. And the old, Soviet, with crops, macks and other heroes only fall away with huge pieces of plaster, as carefully as you do. If they get rid of. In some places, you need to use a brushing machine. Or a laser. And the feeling that everything was holding on them...

Noacho, at that time everything had a dual purpose, civil and military. In the course of these wallpapers, nuclear bunkers were also attached.

AAA: That is what I am talking about. Soviet nanotechnology is the most nanotechnological. The decline in the country, the decline...)))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131156
 25.07.2016
– Shit, I just got two bearded men on a black Lexus!
The Fathers!! to
No, it seems not to them.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131155
 25.07.2016
Dressed after sex, found on the couch a coin of 10 rubles
Yyy: Xxx, I pulled a coin out of the couch
You are my Super Mario.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131154
 25.07.2016
No one knows why women like to drink too. You’ll feel like wine, and you’ll be drawn to bed.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131153
 25.07.2016
The fucking! What a people! There was a storm in Moscow. Fuck the tree. The good car didn’t get stuck, a huge tree. Lie for a week. No need for anyone. I went by today, I think a couple of pins will work for customers. They sit and wait for the car to be washed. Under the atmosphere of this wash, that is. I took the Uzbek and he drank me two pins. Run 200 meters on twisted paths. I was the first and fucking. The second one was stolen, shit!

In this regard, I want to say: "Metro Semenovskaya. Give the pen back, dog! Drink yourself! The tree is in place, shit! You have to drink!"

Thanks for attention.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №131152
 25.07.2016
In his youth he was a reckoned boy, but, at the same time, grew up among criminal mates, which gave a funny mixture of some intelligence and "concepts".
I can no more! I live in St. Petersburg and I will be born. Lack of air, lack of life.
Not a troll, but just an old grandfather.
— — —
I understand you, even if you are younger. In the Leningrad region speaking mushroom places are not bad, I recommend as a hobby )

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131151
 25.07.2016
here here :

I just can’t find a friend. Not the old, the old is over, the new. Even just a friend. Who read the same books as me, who would understand what I’m talking about.
In his youth he was a reckoned boy, but, at the same time, grew up among criminal mates, which gave a funny mixture of some intelligence and "concepts". Therefore, he was always and everywhere considered “smart and fair.” Once a long time ago, another life whirlwind brought to the collective, say so, people nearby, and for some reason I began to pick simple, understandable words in my speech. It has grown, you know.
I can no more! I live in St. Petersburg and I will be born. Lack of air, lack of life.
Not a troll, but just an old (54) grandfather.

Most people over 50 are immersed in family and family affairs. Fighting friend of single find is quite easy, there will always be someone who will be happy to introduce, but a friend, indeed, almost impossible. Women are not considered by you at all, are they not stupid, and counted?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №131150
 25.07.2016
Hurry up the times:

also indicated chromcast and x-voch in compass
Could it be a device too?
- we have a password - shizanyu, there is no such stubborn here, to hack wifi - it is Los Angeles, a child, not Silicon Valley.and :)

Los Angeles has been a Silicon Beach for several years (Google’s offices, Twitter, JPL, SpaceX, riot games, tueva hocha startups, etc.), so you’d still have a look at your neighbors.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131149
 25.07.2016
Strike reconstruction game.

and Xenx! The Russian Soldier)
X is for you! (Respond to German)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131148
 24.07.2016
If a stranger approaches and says he weighs 110 kilograms, he has been boxing for 15 years and he is a pederast.

The producer of porn movies goes in the elevator, there comes a huge Negro and says: "Rise - 195 centimeters, length - 25 centimeters, Nak Byson" The producer falls faint, the Negro bowed over him, the producer comes to himself and asks: "What did you last say?" - "Nag Byson is my name" - "Fhu, and I heard the "Beyond"...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131147
 24.07.2016
This is called lexical reproduction :)

About the Reproduction:
In the 1980s, this was the case:
The Minister of Culture is asked – why in Azerbaijan people speak "shashlik-mašlik, green-melen" and so on.
He thought and answered "Eye! There is a lack of culture!"

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №131146
 24.07.2016
I have neighbors grandparents. Sometimes I help them, something to pull, bring, etc., and they give thanks with chocolate tiles, then cookies. Well, because of my upbringing, purely instinctively, I first deny it, say it is not necessary, it is not worth bla bla bla, and then they still insist and I accept sweets. So recently I thought that this circus, they give - I accept and it's all about it. And recently I heard their conversation: "Look what a shy man has become, what he doesn't give, so he immediately gets enough and doesn't even try to give up, next time he won't get anything." I am grateful, but I ask nothing.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131145
 24.07.2016
<<A very ecclesiastical young man...>

It reminded the history: there is a major religious center in our city. One day someone brought some holy relics there. The people broke. I’m in the bus, there’s a lot of people going for a gift. The controller enters, and most of the passengers do not pay for the trip, while it is clear that they are coming from the church. The controller said so with insult and insult: "Look, you are believers, you are leaving the church, and you have no conscience pay."
As the saying goes, God is God, and Caesar is Caesar.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №131144
 24.07.2016
I open the JJ and hit the title of the famous cook Stalick "What to do with a disabled cat?"
With horror I await the decision in his spirit: "You just have them..."
and Fuck. He was really worried about the cat.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131143
 24.07.2016
Yesterday at a glass of beer, a friend shared a story of his failure, which I was amazed at.



About five years ago, he heard that they started shooting a series based on a very good fantasy book and that it would be a bomb. So, he decided to prepare thoroughly and read the book first. He did not remember the name, but knew there was something about Ice and Winter... After a short search, he found this book and it consisted of 47 volumes. But a friend did not stop it. After reading all of Tom and spending a cloud of time he was looking forward to the series. And what was his surprise that in the series everything was different and in general he was filmed on the basis of the book "The Song of Ice and Fire", and the book he read was called "Ice People" ))

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131142
 24.07.2016
One of our employees went on vacation and took a bubble with a red paint. And you know why? In the case of terrorism - shooting in public places, pretending to be dead, casting it on yourself. It was 2016...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №131141
 24.07.2016
Revenge is a dish that should be served cold. I remember this in a car school. My aunt came to study, and on the first day he fought with a driving instructor. The instructor, having a duplicating clutch pedal, helped her touch from the spot every time, but did not spread about it. My aunt was out of Paphos. The newcomer is suffering around, and she has everything without problems. In fact, having the brain of the instructor and fellow members, she, nevertheless, continued on the full program, but the instructor courageously tolerated. On the day of the exam, she couldn’t even touch her place.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131140
 24.07.2016
Funny will be the World Cup in football 2018, due to the absence of all teams, the national team of Russia will be the World Champion in football 2018. (Refusal to issue a visa, suspected doping, suspected involvement in terrorism, etc.)

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