From life:
My girlfriend has a 3 year old son. At home, the bathroom is combined with the toilet, she swims before bed, the son sits on a pot, I drink tea in the kitchen and I hear their conversation:
Maam, what kind of shit do you have? He looks at her and is confused.
She thought he meant hair and replied:
When you grow up, you will be the same.
My son is hysterical:
I do not want!! Why is my dad big, and how will you? I want a big one like my dad!!...
I drowned with tea from laughter, and the child was barely calmed, he was crying so much...

Yesterday, in his native provincial PTU, I saw this picture: a discolored, painted blonde with wild whizges and matyugs pulls about the same rough-straddle cabbage for her hair and spat in all her throat "You, the fuck, steal from me all the time! You are a dirty thief and you should be punished! All the time you are trying to get anything from me! and they cut off her hair, and they put her on the floor, and they tear each other’s clothes. Well I think it’s all serious, missed the girl on the theft (everything happens).
But here the second with no less pressure attacks the first with the screams "You are the one with me, shit, you are always stealing! Sitting down when I am in a hurry!!! You're the same yesterday, fucking like that, I've gathered all the persics!and "
Remember, people, this is just a game. These are just numbers in the database on the server! Get to the top!! to
c) the NLS

When you read the abyss, you really want to see more jokes, understood by someone else besides their authors.

Thomas: But admin is really the only subculture to be taught :)

My father on the VAZ 2115 with this alarm system once got near the store - the doors closed, and the key remained lying on the seat.
But the fun started later. He called a friend, the kind of one who could open the door from the outside. My friend came (I too). He forged for half an hour - the metal line was sealed for the rubber, and then delivered a verdict - to cut the rubber, press the rear glass (small, triangular). They have already started cutting. And here comes a man like that, pushing away this "pets", picking up a piece of rusted wire on the side, bending a clever hook from it and stealing it under the rubber into the door. A little bit and a click – the lock opened. The door to open, he says, I will not - the signal will blink. And then asks so modestly: Whose car is it, yours or want to steal? Without waiting for an answer, he quickly left. I almost died of laughter.

I work on the road, I lead a brigade of workers. We put borders on the facility, and on the opposite side of the road, a sub-brigade from our organization works, and I am also the chief. I approach their elderly to meet a young guy aged 20-22. I ask him:''Do you have a curvymeter?'' His answer struck:''No, it's not for me, I don't know what it is...'' But his next phrase just killed me:''I'm a sanitary worker, the hell knows why I'm put here.'' Fuck, no comments...

Write down everything you want to know about the Department of Computer Technology!!(ITMO, a department whose students have repeatedly won the programming world championships)
2: is it true that you go to somebody at night at the house and guess the scanwords?

It is time to change the passport. I come to the UFMS, and there are posters on each wall:
State duty for passport 150 rubles (50 rubles per form is not charged).
In order not to wait, I go to the bank, fill in a receipt for 150 and give it to the window. What they say to me: the amount you have is strange, clarify.
I have nothing to do, I ask.
I say, Mrs Shell 100!
Why are there 150 posters? What I am answered:
Girl, are you stupid? There is also clearly said: only 150, but 50 of them are not necessary!

she
I don’t want to communicate with you anymore.

he
Why is? and :)

she
I feel like an experimental rabbit.

he
"under the experienced rabbit" is written through the gap

Dear Buyers!
If you look young, take our request as a compliment. Present a passport at the request of the seller when purchasing alcoholic products.
With respect, the administration.

--------
somehow so. Universe "Coins", TC "Parous", Ufa

Answer to

A conversation between two girls in the kindergarten:
You can’t, you understand, well, you can’t rely on people who have a strange thing between their legs!!and "

----------------
You can’t trust someone who bleeds five days a month and doesn’t die.
Stan Marge, South Park
and c)

The porn site:
Why do you want to write about kids here!! to

I call my friend at home, her husband removes the phone, then the dialogue:
Hello Lena, can I do it?
m - a five-second piece and such a solemnly gradual voice - BARINA SLEEP

2031, from the news discussion:

... I do not believe in signs, but nevertheless it was very reckless to use the word "supernova" in relation to a thermonuclear power plant...

Today engaged in the extermination of the flea people in a separate region (cat wash). So, I will tell you, genocide is a very tired business.

She doesn’t want to give, she wants to be taken.

I wonder if you write the type never cut eggs with garden scissors a lot of ducks will try?? to

If you are paid little, and loaded so that you lack hands.
You have to make your feet...

My relative was married. In the process of preparation, for decoration
I was planning to write a few congratulatory jokes.
Transposh as usual. The bride is a solitary girl.
I never let things go. She mobilized her close friends, handed
Each piece of wallpaper, on the reverse side of which the slogan should be written
papers with text and CU with basic requirements for design and
The deadlines. The girls are also hardworking. He tried so, so
He calls me and complains that when
In her chosen format of letters, the entire set phrase: "We wish you a young couple.
Live to the Golden Wedding! It did not fit on the background.
The bride asks, “How much does it fit?”
The artist replies: “The word ‘golden’ does not fit...”

Obama visited the Kremlin for talks with Medvedev. Wait, and Medvedev
All is not. Suddenly, the doors open, a stunned Medvedev runs in.
and Obama:
Dmitry, what has happened?
Sorry, I was in a blockade! Putin went to work in the morning
They closed!