bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130979
 21.07.2016
As a child, when I was sent to a store with a large list and I forgot to buy something, I was sent there again. So I did so that the saleswoman would not think that I was a forgetful fool, turning my jacket up, chesting on the other side, changing the expression of my face and speaking lowly so that she would not recognize me. I was a master of conspiracy.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130978
 21.07.2016
A phone call, the number did not appear. After they named my name, I talked to a man for half an hour, trying to remember who he was. He asked how all of his relatives were doing, why he did not come to a graduate meeting, where he bought a camera, how he treated his back. I told myself that I had not rested for a long time, the work was hard and that we need to collect our own and go fishing or just a beer. Then I asked him where his son was going (which I don’t have), and I put a couple of guides. I found the number wrong.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130977
 21.07.2016
I like to go to places like the hospital. There are always a lot of simple people and fun things happen. Today, while sitting in a row, I listened to the complaints of one woman that they are treated here poorly and the money is extortioned, otherwise they refuse to treat. Suddenly there was a loud crash on the floor, to see something broken somewhere. This woman calmly says:"Have you heard? This is the head of the doctor fucking cracked". I rushed all day.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130976
 21.07.2016
And why didn’t anyone remember the option “Under the cold whisper of the stars, we burned a diode bridge?”

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №130975
 21.07.2016
He started drinking at 2 p.m. You know the lies. If he starts with beer, he ends with beer.
Well yes yes yes. When bringing the wood to an ideal condition, polyurethane is mandatory.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130974
 21.07.2016
Now you run through the shops, watch TV, for the kids a bunch of fun. And a book to read, and see that, and play with what to eat before going to bed. of abundance. Because children and capricious are like that.
For example, when I was a child, I was putting my teeth to the wall and I was looking at the carpet while playing with the patterns with my finger.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130973
 21.07.2016
The garden is like me. But looking at the empty lawn on my native six hundred is boring to me, so I made a lawn. Every year, in the spring, I just pour a few packs of flower seeds into it and watch what comes up. This is Dendro-restling. This year wins the basil and, suddenly, cabbage.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130972
 21.07.2016
A few days did not come out of the forum, where he set up everything - from access rights and antimate to the color of the border and smiley. I went to the news to see what happened in the world during this time. On the phrase "paid bus" hanged for a couple of minutes... In my head were the ideas about registration on the forum on a credit card, pricing of auto payments for violation of the rules of the forum and the bus with discounting and blocking the account in case of a lack of money on the account...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130971
 21.07.2016
So you hang out in the kitchen and got off - you want to cook, wash dishes, wash, give birth to children... And you drink a beer and let go... It’s hard to be a woman.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130970
 21.07.2016
A familiar sergeant said:
The enemy must be respected. Here, for example, you are going to put a stretch, but since you respect a person - you have to put it so that there is a hole nearby. Well, if the enemy suddenly notices that it hit - he would have a chance to hide from the explosion.
A smart enemy is the most dangerous enemy, so you need to put an anti-infantery mine in the pit.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №130969
 21.07.2016
The Brazilian wrote:
"- ISIS are coming to Brazil to organize a terrorist attack on the Olympics.
On the way to the place of the terrorist attack, they are robbed by the inhabitants of Favel.
The death belts were stolen.
They decide to arrange a mass shooting, but when they come to a suitable public place, they find that there is already a shooting.
“The disappointed terrorists understand that they will not do worse here and return home with nothing.
During their stay in Brazil, they caught Zika fever. At home, they infected all their colleagues. ISIS is completely extinct.
Brazil saved the world from terrorism!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130968
 21.07.2016
This is due to the frequent mistake when moving women with the Ukrainian name Hannah (in Ukrainian Galina, Russian passports read "Anna").

Hello, come, "Ganna" is "Anna" and is where you took Galina - I don't mind. With respect Anja.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130967
 21.07.2016
In short, we work in the office. We got a new programmer, everything is okay, but one problem, knocking on the legs while writing proges. Not to be very loud, but quite hearing and uneven. The day comes specifically. I don’t know, his mindset is like that.
What I did. He begins to knock, I, in turn, also start to knock his nails on the table in the same rhythm, in a minute I start to accelerate the pace, it is easy for me to do it with my hand, and he does not, and since he is unconscious, he begins to pursue my rhythm. I am accelerating the pace. And so, in five minutes, he’s mowing his legs like a rabbit with an energy jitter in his ass. And quickly tired. Another minute in the room silence for an hour, at least. Ohhhhhhhh well well. and quiet.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130966
 21.07.2016
Having a luxurious female body is the dream not only of any woman, but also of men.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №130965
 21.07.2016
A favorite activity of the Minister of Economic Development of the Russian Federation Alexei Ulyukaev is the search for the bottom in the Russian economy.
For this, the subordinates kindly call him “Our Ichtiander.”

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130964
 21.07.2016
My colleague on the table is an aquarium with a pair of fish, well, as there were two, then one died, he drank the second and immediately the first broke off with small and slightly lost weight. Prior to the second fish, the first chased from food afterwards dying, and now the second chases the first. Moreover, he chases in a peculiar way, putting all his efforts on the persecution, at this time he does not eat himself. And the first, pleasant, has time to catch the dough of food, while the little ones also eat, and no one chases them. When the second fish is roasted, there is almost nothing. I think she even lost weight. There will be no morality.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130963
 21.07.2016
Do you know what happens if you wear socks?
YYY: What is it?
XXX is nothing.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130962
 21.07.2016
There is solution!

I’ve heard of these "sounding by sovka" grandmothers. The form of sorrow sounded as follows: "The New Year was waiting for a branch and a mandarine to kiss, and now it is boring, any day - buy and eat."

Addict your grandmother to truffles, for example (real, not from the mouth front). And once a year for the new year, prepare a meal from it. Let him grieve for the remaining 364 days.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №130961
 21.07.2016
I’ve heard of these "sounding by sovka" grandmothers. The form of sorrow sounded as follows: "The New Year was waiting for a branch and a mandarine to kiss, and now it is boring, any day - buy and eat."

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130960
 21.07.2016
We found a computer with a heat accounting program. Windows 98, Seleron 266, the mother of Asus. Included since 2001. 15 years of aptitude.

by Dick. Nothing surprising, if in the screw curved hands did not climb, and in addition to that program of accounting on it, nothing else was launched, then the same amount will work until the iron does not die from old age.

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