I have a companion. Periodically we communicate under a beer, sometimes clumsy together. Shortly not close friends and home to each other were 1-2 times. And then a week ago he called and asked to go out to the entrance (he so often comes to negotiate at the expense of the forks). He went out and sat in the car with him.

Then he said: “Hello! We went to the sea to pick up. So it turned out that there is no one to leave the apartment, but we have some work planned on the gas pipeline at the entrance....Well, in any case, I will leave you the key and, if anything, I will call....

A week passed. He calls today.

T: Brothers, there the gas drivers have done the work, they now, in order to open the stall, very much need to look into all the apartments for the subject of leaks. I told him you would be there at three o’clock.

Oh well ok. I left at 15:00. He went up to the apartment. Gases run on the floors. I specified which apartment I was from and said that in 5-10 minutes they would come, I got the key (simple flat with teeth on one side). There are two castles at the door. One is obviously not suitable for me, because it is under the “butterfly” key. I inserted the key into the appropriate lock, checked two full turns with clear fixing clicks, then the key does not spin and the door does not open. I turned back and forth, and there was a man’s voice behind me.

M: And you are who?

I turned around and there was a 25-year-old. High and thin. The phone rings, it’s a companion. I forget about the boy, I begin to explain that the door does not open...

T: There must be Andrew, a long one, well brother, and I told you something about him... He has a second key! Only then don’t give him your key and don’t leave one there.

Are you Andrew? Open the lower lock.

They opened, showed the gas drivers, closed each with his key, fled.

I sit down and think: this is the conspirators shit! Neither I nor my cousin trust, and we are apparently embarrassed to steal together, as we see each other for the first time.

Funny story for such a case!

I remembered the army.

We were taken to the outpost. Hairy, cuddled, in worn old pieces, which are not unfortunate to use. We’ve been like that for a week. They packed up, grown up with smells, which brought our image ̶v̶o̶e̶n̶n̶o̶g̶o to perfect perfection. During this time, the people joined together and distributed into companies.

Then something terrible happened! We were all taken to the bathroom. They cut, washed and dressed the same. When I left, I was terrified that I would not recognize anyone. It was like a nightmare, it seemed that even the faces of all became the same. At the same time, seeing the panic and misunderstanding of what is happening in the eyes of the new military, it became clear that they have the same feelings. Everyone walked on random trajectories in search of familiar faces, except that they did not encounter their foreheads.

And only by the skins in the company the people completely calmed down, convinced that this bald miracle is his friend Sereg.

I almost lost my friends.)

Do you hear the sound of a second arrow? The future is cuddling.

Famous violinist Midori was born in Japan in 1971. Her mother played in the orchestra and took the baby to the rehearsal. While the mother was playing, the child slept on the chair in the first row of the empty room. At the age of two, the girl began to reach out to her mother's violin, and on her birthday, her mother bought her a child's instrument and began to teach.

When Midori was ten years old, her mother moved her to New York. There the girl enrolled in one of the best music schools and quickly gained fame as a beginner serious performer. So much that Leonard Bernstein himself entrusted her to perform one of his works. He also directed.

And imagine the Boston Symphony Orchestra, conductor – Leonard Bernstein, solist – Miss Dory, 14 years old. And here a small fragile girl plays a difficult modern work. And since she is really small, the tool she has in her hands is also special: a reduced copy of the famous Guernsey.

And here... Yes, you guessed. The String.

Midori had good teachers, she knew what to do in such cases. The girl completed the musical phrase, turned to the orchestra's first violin and exchanged her instrument for Stradivari. Those sitting in the first rows noticed the confused expression of the face of the first violin, although he knew this procedure, of course, too.

In one move, strengthening the beard on a new instrument, Midori continued to play. Did you forget that her own violin was less ordinary? The size of the violin matters. After all, the violins play on the ears, no strings and keys!

Imagine you are riding a mountain serpentine and grabbing yourself a hundred. Attention to the road. And suddenly under your feet all three pedals change places. You know which where. But one thing is to know, and another thing is to press them right. The brake is now where there was gas, the gas is at the point of adhesion, and the adhesion has become a brake. You know, but will you bring the car to the place? You can’t just stop, you can’t even slow down. So, it’s easier than playing without preparation on a different size instrument.

Between the break of the string and the resumption of the game, less than thirty seconds passed. Miley continued to play.

Meanwhile, the first violin Malcolm Lowe was confused not just so. The hall was dull, and therefore the orchestrators played without the jackets they left behind the scenes. There, in the inner pocket, there were spare strings. Therefore, he took the instrument from the second violin, which is also supposed to be a procedure, and had to play without a string.

But that is not all. After a while, Midori has a rope again! She repeats the exchange, hoping to get back her native little violin with a newly stretched string, but she has a third instrument in her hands, a little bigger than the Stradivari violin, which she was able to play without preparation. It turned out to be a product of Guadagnini, another famous Italian master.

Midori continued to play and finished the play without any further problems. She grew up, gained world fame, but subsequently withdrew from intensive concert activities, although she still performs. Bernstein would possess if he hadn't been grey anymore, and Lowe hasn't since broken up with spare strings.

The Sources:
https://www.nytimes.com/1986/07/28/arts/girl-14-conquers-tanglewood-with-3-violins.html
https://youtu.be/4QkAWD0YnOk

Be afraid of people who do not smoke, do not drink, do not eat sweet, fried, fatty. If they mock themselves so much, imagine what they can do to you!

To draw inspiration in Russia is taken from granite glasses.

In the diaries of William Shirer, who lived in Germany from 1935 to 1940, a case was described: Mothers officially that her son, the pilot of Luftwaffe, was killed. However, eight of her acquaintances, listening to quotes on the banned English radio, told her that he was captured.

All of them were handed over to the Gestapo.

It makes no sense to discuss the rationality of those laws which those who have passed know that they will not be applied.

My name is Eugene. I always forget the names. When I get into strange companies where there are men, and after dating I forget their names, I usually call them by the name of Zhenya. Then they say to me, “I am not Zhenya, but Dima.” And I start to laugh and say, “Oh shit, sure, Zhenya is me.” Usually everyone laughs, and an uncomfortable moment can be avoided.

A man goes to a colonoscopy.

The doctor, sitting, does not look at the patient, fills the papers, says:

Go over the screen, dress up, wear single-use trousers.

Don’t worry, it’s not scary at all.

The man was not on a colonoscopy, never seen cowards with a cut.

I pulled the back forward, pulling out the "farm".

The doctor turns to the man and says thoughtfully:

Now I am scared...

To fly, you need not have wings, but a plane ticket.

In the first days of January 1982, I, a newly-cooked lieutenant of the militia, went from Central Russia on a trip to the Transcarpathians.
And how it was not to go if, in one of my first criminal cases on fraud, the citizen of G. G. 1910 was detained in Moscow, who was declared by me in all-Union search. convicted of theft and fraud.
During the interrogations, which took place at me as usual “in a warm friendly environment”, the arrested person told me that in one of the last episodes of the accusation she sold the stolen jewelry to the staff of the sanatorium in Western Ukraine.
I was always going to “only belt,” so on Christmas 7 January I was already in Uzhgorod. Overnight in the hotel, in the morning was in a sanatorium near the city.
The director of the sanatorium treated my mission with understanding, helped me in its execution, but warned that I should be introduced to the local ments. I didn’t mind, especially because I counted on their help.
First appeared the district Vanya, then came two more "shops", dressed as a citizen. To me, at the height of 170 all the two-meter men seem to be cabinets.
They turned out to be employees of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Ukrainian SSR, who guarded the resting in the sanatorium of the Deputy Minister of Internal Affairs of Ukraine. In general, they were four, guarded and rested alternately in pairs. They had their room in the sanatorium with an enormous bed.
The guys instructed Van to provide me with all the necessary help, as it was necessary to work in the settlements. Closer to the evening, we and Vanessa established all the buyers, interrogated, confiscated the values. We went to the cafe to drink tea, drank, as usual, vodka (but from the tea bar). They took vodka and vodka with them (Vanja found) to serve colleagues, and returned to the sanatorium. I had to go home the next morning. The “guarded body” went to sleep, so everyone relaxed.
We sat down with the guys five in their room to “talk” and ate dinner together. The question of the place of my bedroom did not arise at all. We communicated very mentally and qualitatively (the boys also "were" and a lot), so in the morning I found my body on the above-described bed in the same pile with the bodies of all four bodyguards lying on the fold.
Well, they fed me breakfast, wished me a happy trip and spent. The impressions of that meeting remained the warmest of all.
And even more pleasant impressions added a girl traveler who was driving in my coupe to Moscow. She just got smoked fat and homemade sausage out of her bags, the whole wagon was swallowed with saliva, and our coupe delicacies more delicious than I have never tried since.
What did I remember? The Soviet ments always found a common language among themselves, because in general they did one thing – they fought crime, although they regularly distracted us to all kinds of nonsense such as someone’s protection or participation in all sorts of events held “for the hole”. In a dreamy dream, we could not have dreamed that we could become enemies.

Interview for job admission:
HR Department employee: Are you planning to go on maternity leave in the next five years?
I: And you?
I think this is an inappropriate question!
I: I totally agree with you!

My mother’s acquaintance’s husband worked as a guard somewhere in the North and brought a second family there. Later, he found a good job in his town and moved this second family closer. In both families there were daughters, the second younger, naturally. On the spot, of course, burned in front of his wife, divorced, and he married a "what woman." But the child from the first marriage did not give up, helped financially, took with him for the weekend. The first wife did not object, the 90s, was pleased with both financial help and household: take the child from kindergarten / school, take it to the clinic, etc., because of the fact that the child was not allowed to go to the hospital. She worked a lot herself. The new wife felt guilty and tried to make friends with that daughter too. Then, in the second family, a tragedy happened - a child died, a car struck. The new one was not born, all the attention eventually got to the daughter from the first marriage, including the attention of the second wife. Years went by, this man died, the daughter continued to communicate periodically with his second wife - the relatives were far away, friends of close friends did not come to a new place, well, the type is not a strange person, then with the children she even helped, calling them her grandchildren. This second wife was diagnosed with cancer. I needed help: to go to the hospital with her, to visit, help at home, financial. And to turn to no one, it turned out that closer to the first family of the husband, this woman has no one nearby. And the daughter of this family, the work, she came to her mother - said, here, the trouble is such, not a strange man, like to give up, we need to help together. Well, in general, now this first wife took the second wife to live with her - so it is easier to take care of, but it is quite bad. She carries the duck, helps to wash, puts anesthesia, prepares for her, leads to doctors. She laughs that if she had been told many years ago that she would look after her husband's mistress at old age, she would have rushed in the face. And now the kind of relative thinks she is, say, not a stranger, but like to give up.

Employment of a person in the position of a tester. He was unable to fill out an online job admission form, as he found a bug there, which eventually crashed the system.

The more losses in the army, the more stars generals have.

When I see a couple in a cafe where a guy is sitting, stuck in his phone, and the girl with him is just sitting, sad, forging a spoonful of salad, but does not use his phone at the same time, apparently, showing a good example to the guy, or waiting for him to finish there, I always ask the waitress anonymously to give her flowers or dessert with the phrase: "So that such a beautiful girl would not be bored, but smiled." Interesting to see the reaction of both. Most often, the girls bloom, and the guys in shock jealously look at the sides, clean their phones. The girls sit with a mysterious smile, and the guys begin to actively conduct a conversation. Do not come to dinner/lunch together and then hang on the phone alone. I see it as disrespect for the person sitting next to me.

He and she are on a date at a restaurant.
She (the menu list): a buzz, well and the prices! Go home and eat the peelings.
My dear, do you want to be my wife?

My son 4 years. When I was walking with my grandmother, I met a girl of her age, Zlatan, at the playground. According to the stories, grandmothers run barefoot together, wonder, climb everywhere. They already know each other.

He went for a walk with me today. We come to the playground, I see a girl described as Gold.

I ask my son, “Is this the gold you talked about? “” The son thought.

The girl who heard us, sweetly shortsighted - "I am Katya, but I can be a little bit of Gold."

She divorced her husband because of his betrayal. They talked because they have four children. He married and divorced once officially and a couple more times so, without a stamp. She walked like a horse, raising the children, because he helped little financially. She doesn’t even think about marriage, more because of the children, although she looks very good. And here recently (after 15 years) her ex calls out and says, "I'm getting married. This time it is serious. You probably get married, don’t wait for me anymore.”