bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №115773
 07.07.2015
I was in Leroy Merlin today. There in the tooling department are sold electric drills, loops, seals, etc. The company "Dexter" I have some strange associations about their use.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №115772
 07.07.2015
We have a radio phone with a loud communication. My wife talks to him for four hours a day. At the same time, the phone is worn at home like a radio, on the table, on the shelves. My son even joked that we had an FM grandmother in the house.

One day in the bakery, and there a maid from the phone to the croissants complains about life. Okay, mother-in-law, but the wife did not notice her as a sharply silent mother?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №115771
 07.07.2015
There was a finish at work today.
From Nizhny Novgorod called, asked authorization to receive mail.
Not long thinking, I did and sent it by mail.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115770
 07.07.2015
All, the money is over, we need to change 100 backs from the hole.
No, the backs are holy, we will not change the backs.
WOW: Wait for default, then change and buy a yacht.
WOW: We will sail to Greece and buy a skyscraper for the rest.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №115769
 07.07.2015
Red... So much red... Red flows on my hands, drops from my fingers... Collects on the floor with red spots...
I wash everything clean, even small splashes on the wall. The bones lie apart, I throw them out at night.
And now I will fill it all with sugar, and put on the fire a huge pot of cherry strawberries.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №115768
 07.07.2015
from Answers@mail.ru
Does the notary have the right to tick me face to face in the documents if I fifty times broken up scheduled in the wrong place?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №115767
 07.07.2015
The middle son of cocktail tubes and scotch made his stick curved.
I ask % What is it?
It is hair, no mouth.
Shock: You know what it is?
Son: Yes, this is such a tool for processing the soil, planting helps.
We are not purely urban residents.
Senior: Yeah he played in Maine Craft.There is :D :D :D :D

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №115766
 07.07.2015
Onion, a website known for its news satire, named Kim Jong-un “the most sexy man in the world,” noting his “incredibly beautiful round face, youthful charm and strong body.” The website called the Korean dictator “the heart-eater of Pyongyang.”

But in Zhenmin Jibao, one of China’s most popular state media outlets, they took the joke for a pure coin and published the note as news, providing it with a gallery of 55 photos of Kim Jong-un, so readers can admire the North Korean leader.

Onion endorsed the efforts of Zhengzhou and wrote: “For a better acquaintance with Kim Jong-un, the sexiest man of the year, please visit the site of Zhengzhou, our Communist partner.”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №115765
 07.07.2015
XXX: What was in the day, stunned
YYY: What is there?
You know, my mom, like you, is drawn from tomato-cocker of all kinds. Planted in the spring of bushes 100, it is time to tie. We need to wrap the cushions. And they are like swords, twenty meters long, a thick metal bar. I can take them 10 pieces at a time from the force, no more in the palm of the hand, and heavy, stitches.
WOW: So what?? to
I was surprised when I asked him to help.. I looked so at the tomato plantation, at these collies, then cried out, took a couple of collies, went to the garage, closed it there, and something knocked-gremit.. Well, pophug, I think the sun is still high, it will be time until evening and we have come here to rest.
It passes 30 minutes, comes out my miracle, with the hair, the ack of Legolas in the Hobbit, and behind the back is naturally "colchand", which he stuck out of the old school backpack of Maximka, and in the colchand, respectively, the colchand is filled with 50 pieces.
Wow, I’m already on the patch!1! 1!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! The most funny thing is when he with a pathos mouth spotted them in Macedonian, with two hands at the same time!! to
Oh yeah yeah yeah! You will have to do the same!! You are a fucking genius!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №115764
 07.07.2015
I see the mother of the child in the wheelchair, and I think, “Here I would be there now... in the wheelchair. I will turn, I will turn, I will fit! I'll go to sleep right away, I won't eat - I don't even have to ride, honestly!"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №115763
 07.07.2015
The case was in Israel. The middle daughter's hernia was corrected, and she then suffered that her stomach hurt, well, I put her in a wheelchair. She was 3.5 years old. The two-year-old boy was next door. So the grandmother stopped and began to read on the whole street: "What do you do, you confused everything, you did not put that child in the wheelchair, he is small, he will get tired, change the children right now!"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №115762
 07.07.2015
This is:

But I will take responsibility and say not only for myself:
We heterosexuals, let’s go. But the pedestrians see jealousy that gay men can get married, and they do not.
________________

Oh yes, neither to reduce nor to add...It’s great, I think.


[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №115761
 06.07.2015
Venereological diseases - diseases derived from the study of diseases. If for love – those venereal;)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №115760
 06.07.2015
I travel with my husband in the mountains of Montenegro by car. On the fourth day of riding the steep mountain roads, he thought like this:
We ate those serpentines.
Like cats before the new year, so thoughtfully I continued.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №115759
 06.07.2015
The summer. The Red Press. The Zoo. People wishing to earn on the photo of the monkey-piton-sova-orl-iguana-plush mutant are more than on Sochi beaches.
People running from the metro to the subway or (as we do with the younger ones) to the pool at the Zoo and not willing to make "unforgettable pictures", neither to pass nor to pass. It is deadly. Half a step, climbing in a slowly wandering crowd like colorful penguins, licking afterwards, walk past pony and monkeys.
Suddenly, through the "pingvin flow", from the road, a healthy man of such a serious appearance runs through and turns the keys from a Toyota into a photographer with a monkey in an orange suitcase.

The Brother! You hear me brother! The day I look at you, you won’t earn that.
Change your clothes! You are not a Krishna, you are not a prisoner of Guantanamo. Who will fool with her?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115758
 06.07.2015
The Warrior:

We go with the bride to Peter closer to the evening, on the subway. We pass by a small company of young boys and we hear by the edge of the ear:
Listen, can you shoot?
A... a cigarette?
No, fucking like Fanny Kaplan in Lenin! Of course a cigarette!
I have never seen a more cultural arrow of cigarettes in my life.
= = = = = is = is = is = is = is = is = is = is = is

How did you get it already...

Daveca in the opera and ballet theatre noticed: in the auditorium he sits
Intelligence, and in the line in the wardrobe stands a whole bucket.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №115757
 06.07.2015
We go with the bride to Peter closer to the evening, on the subway. We pass by a small company of young boys and we hear by the edge of the ear:
Listen, can you shoot?
A... a cigarette?
No, fucking like Fanny Kaplan in Lenin! Of course a cigarette!
I have never seen a more cultural arrow of cigarettes in my life.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №115756
 06.07.2015
Sadolsad
My nephew is burning.)
I am standing, smoking, the smoke is watching. I watched and gave:
Beauty has a name. This is the name-Kira"))))
Sadolsad
I told Sergei, if he doesn't learn to do such compliments, Dimka will grow up, I will marry him)))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №115755
 06.07.2015
I sit in the park and bite seeds. Around the sandbox, the mother tries to feed the child, the child cries and the mother, seeing that it will not work to feed the child, leaves him. He goes into the sandbox and begins to eat the sand.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №115754
 06.07.2015
How is the weekend?
Get stuck at all. In the country there were - heat, birds, at first everything was fine. And then all to one. She picked up the strawberries and burned her back. I was bathed in a cool swimming pool - I got a cold on my lips. The strawberries were eaten, apparently eaten out of habit, now this mixture when it comes out in the toilet, I feel the drink. Allergy to flowers. Here again, the infection, now and the barley is trying to jump out on the eye. To sum up: I sneeze, I feel discomfort in the toilet, I can't smile, the wound breaks, I can't paint - the eyelid hurts. Well, you know, now I can't prove to anyone at work how good it is. All my appearance is silent sympathy.

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