Sports injury is when your tendon is broken or your bone is broken, not the hole has cracked.

Suddenly it turned out that in America the couriers are also not the elite. I worked in my youth for a couple of months at DHL on a Volkswagen carrier, was very surprised by the attitude of people to their duties. This was my first and last experience working in a large group. Let's say, when one of the first days I said that I delivered all 82 positions by address, my aunt made round eyes, and when I left, called the manager and he then for a long time from me to find out in what rubbish I dropped it all and why fake the signatures of the recipients.

Tells a colleague (K) - the Azerbaijani, then from the first person.



I go in the subway in the morning at the end, in order to forget, through all of Moscow, to bring my fifth point to the place of earning money.

He sat down, clogged his eyes and seemed to be just about to sink into a sweet sleep, as the next station filled up a full car of the people.

I see in this crowd a 70-80-year-old grandmother of a rubber (B). As a well-educated young man, I give her a place:

Sit down grandmother!

The grandmother smiled and with a gentle, affectionate voice said:

B: Not a whirlwind, but a charm!

The neighbor's children, 7-8 years old, went to their place through our. I’ll just hide until we see it. The way they see is shortened. Even the cylinder is not closed behind. I just cut the cut under the bathroom. There are no windows and doors under the roof, only small holes instead. I’m crawling something inside.

The beginning of darkness. I hear them coming. I didn’t see it means I came. Well, I think Hanna for you. Shesh Shuhana, you will walk around this place!

I begin to swim in the dark. They gave a strike! I am even louder! Oh wow wow wow. They run, they run, their name is Mom. I am an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! The voice broke, and already with a wild whisper into the whole throat, the ear went on. The soul rejoices! and here...

I wake up, I feel a deadly, frightened wife near me. Speaking with a loud voice, simultaneously with anger, fear and confusion:

and BL@e! That’s what dreaming should be like!! to

My brain crashed and my body fell asleep again.

My friend, Vitaly, found 50 rubles. And we went for a walk, first in the cafe, ice cream with pepsi-cola to eat, took the largest portion, a pound of five for the brother. My aunt, of course, asked where we had such daniches, and Vitalka lied that my uncle came from the north. They ate ice cream as they could, and after an hour they came out of the cafe with the feeling that we could freeze the passing Icarus by breath.

Then we went to the children's world, entered the arms department, bought the largest machine machine, Uncle Terminator would cry out of envy to see our machine guns, with bulbs, one submarine missile could destroy any cat at a distance of ten meters. Then for a long time thought, buy a tank or a game "Driving", bought a tank, the fathers were military. After we went to the bakery, we bought a cake "carton" pieces twenty, "for uncle from the north." And here with a large pack of cakes and armed to the teeth, entered the courtyard. In the courtyard there was a furor waiting for us, only the fool Lenka started screaming to the whole world, "Aunt Sweeta, we found Vitalka, he is here, he is here." Having seen aunt Svet with a belt, I had a vague suspicion that Vitalka had not found the money with everything, and decided to surrender the weapons.

Vitalka turns out to have found the money, lying on a camouflage, at home.

Vitalka was released after three days, for good behavior, he said on "preliminary" came out, as he was punished for a week. But on the bench, the day two did not sit. The author is thorough.

A new employee came to us for a trial period. One day he came with a suitcase. When the backpack was left unattended, the local men threw a tool into it, so that the new extra weight was worn, such as humor. The newcomer noticed nothing and went home with the tool, and in the morning called and said that the job is not suitable for him and he will not come again.

After some time discovered the lack of the tool, the boss gathered everyone and began to ask who saw what. The joke speaks in one voice.

This is a new robbery! We have seen!

Did you see and not stop? So it’s your puddle and you’ll buy a new tool.

“No, you misunderstood,” one of the jokers joked, “we just wanted to joke and threw him the tool, and he had to return it in the morning.

You guys, you are bats! I don’t care, but tomorrow you have to bring the tool!

The jokers began to run to find out the number of the newcomer, his address, tried to contact. I don’t know if they managed to contact or not, but in the end, the jokers bought a new tool.

The most common kind of ghost in white savannah is the ghost of people who died in an attempt to change the carpet. So they wander through the bedrooms in eternal search for corners.

A gift is what a woman can wear, and flowers are a gift for a vase.

the dissemination of uncensored literature by means of the so-called of self. In the words of a friend:

"I remember when they took up the eradication of the Chronicles of current events, then moved along a chain of distributors, arrested one, learned from him to whom he was transmitting literature, arrested the next,... In the end, for two steps along the chain from my parents arrested a man - nothing special. Everyone in the chain split up. No one expected heroism from him. He did not deny taking the chronicles. But he said that the first time he took, looked - some boring shit, he threw out. And then he took them because they were given to him by a girl who he liked, and he wanted to fuck her, so he continued to take and throw away. Eventually the chain broke.”

Did you think the heroes are the ones who strike their fists? Heroism is brains, greed and pofigism :)

If you stick the dead ax to your palm, you can hit your boss with all your strength in the back of the neck and pretend you saved him.

Great is not the one who can solve any problem, but the one who does not have it.

Review of the driver on BlaBlaCar:
I was driving this driver from Moscow to Voronezh. The car is new and comfortable. But in the middle of the road, an emergency occurred - I started fighting. I was on 9. They were literally stopped in the field. If it wasn’t for my mother who accompanied me, I don’t even know how it would end. No help from the driver, my mother did everything. The driver was smoking nervously. He was quickly and carefully taken to the hospital.
I do not recommend the driver - he is afraid of the blood type, useless in non-standard situations.

All the most important events in a person’s life happen when he is completely naked. Birth, first sex, the last mortgage.

In the light of recent news.

When "Roskaposti" "declared" that the pasta products of Russian production are not inferior to the Italian in quality, but, in something, and superior, I began to seriously doubt as the "Roskaposti".

No. 966033 “I never argue with bureaucrats.”

A acquaintance told me. His wife was engaged in drawing up documents, I don't remember which, she did everything, there was the last certificate, which is made within a few working days, let it be five. Comes to the office in five days - the certificate is not ready, they said to come in three days, then another day. And again, the certificate is not ready, it has not even started. The woman began to timidly upset, but as it is known, "the appetite comes during the meal", gradually upset acquired a higher amplitude of noise and rage, and then even went into the open mates, and loud so that the whole team of the office escaped. By this point, our heroine splashed all her anger and began to calm down a little bit.
One of the frightened employees tried to finally calm the already cold client with the phrase "woman, why are you screaming, calm down, wait 15 minutes, we will make you your certificate."
What started here...
So, this certificate is done for 15 minutes, and you’re chasing me for half a month?!!!?!!!? to
“No*(@%^&$*%**$*&#@%(:;%No;”

Russia is the most attractive country in the world! You can attract anything here.

If a fool thinks he’s smart, you can’t get this fool out of his head.

A young housewife named Olya decided to open her own business. In other words, a store for adults. The situation was fully available. First, Olle chew like tired of sitting at home. Secondly, such a store itself gave it a highly romantic color. And finally, thirdly, Olya was very loved by her husband, who, after listening to her creative business idea, thought, sadly breathed, but agreed to give money.
Several winter months have been spent exploring the specifics of oil trade and finding suppliers. By the spring, she rented a suitable room, ordered the goods, hired a couple of saleswomen, and the work began.
And first, it must be admitted, things seemed to have gone, but soon another crisis broke out and, whether the people began to sin less, whether they began to save on the playgrounds and handle the old, but only sales fell as wintery.
The costs, on the contrary, grew like a snowball, and by autumn, undermining the numbers, Olya realized with bitterness that her creative startup was covered, if you can say so, by her own products. Business had to collapse.
Here you will surely all be surprised, say, how can it be in our pale country to ruin on such a range?
Unfortunately, as it turns out, it can be so.

Part of the goods were able to be sold to competitors, and the rest was placed in boxes and taken to the garage, hoping to sell it afterwards. And some silicone products, which could not be stored at a minus temperature, had to be taken home.
The husband roasted over the box all the way, calling its contents "summer" rubber and, holding it before him like holy gifts, solemnly took it into the apartment. Olya, trying not to pay attention to his jokes, put the box under the table and little by little everything about her was forgotten and only their dog sometimes approached, suspiciously smelled and even quietly ripped, as if feeling something.
Over time, all these Olina troubles shut down, winter came and passed, spring followed, summer came and the spouses decided to go somewhere to rest. Especially, a suitable Turkish allinclusive has just been turned.

To take care of the dog asked a family of elderly pensioners who lived from below. With his grandfather, a tall, still strong old man, the husband friendlined his neighbors and sometimes carried him to the country.
They didn’t mind, they just threw up their first-class granddaughter, who enthusiastically agreed to walk with the dog. The spouses quietly went to rest, and by the evening, despite the rain, grandfather and granddaughter took the dog for a walk for the first time.
Indeed, they walked not long, the rain began, even the thunderstorm and the dog, afraid of the thunderstorm, asked himself home, where he immediately hit under the table. The granddaughter rushed after him and, getting it, managed to overturn the box with Olina's former components. From there something fell out, the granddaughter picked up and shouted, "Look, grandfather, they also have something like Katie!" - ticked the grandfather in the face with something pink and dragged the dog into the bathroom. Obviously, she saw somewhere a fashionable thing now among dog owners - a laundry machine, a device for cleaning dog legs after a walk. Something like a rubber glass with a cap and a hole in it. You pour water there, dry your foot, twist and silicone brushes inside quickly clean it from sand and dirt. Very convenient replacement for a cushion.
The grandfather without glasses did not look at the laundry, and the dog was not asked at all, so the process went.

But, as probably the most sensible readers have already guessed, it was not quite a lappu-washer. More precisely, not her at all. Although this product was similar to it in appearance, it was not intended for washing dog legs, but for much more intimate operations of predominantly single men. And if you throw away the false shame, functionally it was precisely what Kamasutra colorfully calls the “nefrite gates” in Eastern language.

For two weeks, Olya and her husband the southern sun, the warm tender sea, excursions and a kind Turkish "Swedish".
For two weeks, carefully cleaning the dirt, grandfather and granddaughter faithfully washed the dog's legs with gently pink "nefrite doors". To the honour of Dogkevitch, it must be said that every time he resisted fiercely and whispered loudly on his guardians.

By the day of the return of the spouses from Turland, the pseudo-lapomykia was noticeably trembling, but nevertheless did not collapse, steadfastly resisting all ruthless daily procedures. Its cleanly washed, but all already wiped out and encouraged, Olya found wrapped on a dish in the bathroom. Olya even trembled and called her husband. The man whispered and looked at Olya.

At that moment, the door was called. Just came grandfather and granddaughter, to return the keys and at the same time offered to walk the dog. The spouses looked around again and joyfully settled on their grandfather. It was noticeable that they looked differently – a husband with some respect, a wife with a badly concealed fear. The dog, when he saw the guests, cheered joyfully, and Olya, shaking her shoulders, allowed them to walk, but she herself looked out of the window for every chance.
Fortunately, the situation was resolved immediately after the walk, when the granddaughter habitually ran into the bathroom and poured water into the washing machine began the standard process of dog cleaning.

The husband bended in half and, crawling like a horse on a hemp field, escaped in the bedroom, from where he whispered so terribly and loudly that even the dog could not stand and cried. Olya was holding.
When the neighbors finally left, the husband came out of the bedroom and laughing and crying fell on the couch.
“Ola,” he barely spoke through tears, “he can now go to court... for harassment!
Here Olya could not withstand and fell next to the couch also fell wildly.
A dog rushed out of the hallway. He could not laugh. Therefore, he simply gently looked at the owners and waved his tail.
by robertyumen

Who do you want, son or daughter?
I wanted to tie the ropes.

A wicked man is the Susanna who does not dream of becoming Moses.