bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130519
 10.07.2016
In short, now I am evil, lazy and unpositive, offended a light man, all my common acquaintances condemn me.

This is the one who first brought a man to the maths, and then ran before all the common acquaintances of the fucking water - a light man?? to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130518
 10.07.2016
After the fire at

I entered the car and felt like I was thrown into a bowl of cucumbers.
I stand on the fifth between the front and rear doors. Before 1905, a girl next to me asks: “Who’s going out on the 905th?” and somewhere behind the door says: “I’m going out.” Well, the whole fifth started laughing... suddenly the laughter abruptly stopped. I turn, and this was spoken by a 4x4 squat and under a meter ninety-four.
XHH: Have you ever felt like you’re being pressed out of a tube paste?

[ + 34 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130517
 10.07.2016
700,000 people signed for the dissolution of the Russian football team, and a little more than 30,000 signed against a pack of mauzulkinas. And then they ask, why do we live so badly? But that’s why we live well that the eleven degenerates are more important to us than the development of the industry.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №130516
 10.07.2016
Kaspersky Lab: Nearly a quarter of Russians stick webcams on their devices for security purposes.
And now the question: how does Kaspersky Lab know how many Russians are gluing the cameras?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130515
 10.07.2016
What is the difference between Android and iPhone?
YYY:Well, how would you explain, I'll try on an example understandable to you - Some girls like miniature pink vibrators with a delicate mode, and others 50cm black ribbed with the ability to speed up to over1000 mhz and boiling water mode.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130514
 10.07.2016
In other words, about wines:
I had a distant acquaintance who lived in Chisinau 10 years ago and, possessing a writing talent, was engaged in writing short texts that are published in small fonts on the rear labels of wine bottles. Well, those texts where about shades of rust bark, vanilla tone, silk and pineapple. Naturally, the wine she did not try and did not see, she wrote 10 for red, 10 for white.
and :-)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130513
 10.07.2016
"Blue nudists occupied a city in Britain".

Have to eat! and c)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130512
 10.07.2016
The officer told how he passed the medical commission in the military department. Their 15-year-old boys are divided into cowards and driven from the office to the office. And in one of them, the guys are also forced to remove cowards, probably to check for the presence of genitals. The doctor there was like this: he was two meters tall, and even sitting on a chair he was a head higher. The next "patient" fits, the doctor looks at his dignity from the top down, and unexpectedly long says:

O-O O-O

With such a sad and falling voice. Everyone was immediately interested in what was there. The doctor again:

O O O O O O, man. You have a foam!

From the rising rust the walls barely collapsed.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130511
 10.07.2016
I cooked with my brother a cottage at home. They installed, covered, made benches, painted. Stoim examines the outcome of our work and here the brother issues:

Look at it, it was beautiful. As if normal people did, not us.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130510
 10.07.2016
On Friday, he sat in a row to partially repay his favorite mortgage. There was a blind grandfather nearby. The worker. Soon they came to the department and the director of this department also came out. As I understood from the conversation, the grandfather for the second time in a month comes to withdraw a considerable amount from his contribution to spend it on supplements, which he is coupled with some goats (this was discovered by the local). The districtman and the director tried to understand him all the time as I waited for my turn. Grandfather, on excuses not to spend money on cheating and show the district of those who sell him these pills, did not agree.

When I left, my grandfather wrote an explanation about the reason for the withdrawal of the money (apparently, such a procedure is possible), after which he will be given the money, and he will drop them on the miracle pill.

It has become outrageous for single retirees who get divorced and trust goats more than people who try to help them. And pleasantly surprised the district and the director of the branch, who took part and 20 minutes a few times, starting from the beginning, tried to help / explain.

Again, from the conversation, I understood that it is almost impossible to return the money spent in court, because the contract and the acts / charges of the divorce were made correctly and it is unrealistic to seek something from them.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130509
 10.07.2016
I work in general in a trading company, I sit in the office and promote the website. Mostly girls and women. Of the men, only the CEO, the director and I. One day, a girl asked me to break her box (I agree, it sounds double). She lost the key and could not get her coffee. I had only hacked locks in Splinter Cell before, but still called for help. I know that locks are just one purpose and the keys are simple. I decided to use the usual stick and won. I was thanked and I went on to work.

A few weeks later, the owner of the company approaches me and asks me to break / open her door, because while she was leaving the office, the door was closed by the cleaner and the key was left inside.

This time I prepared thoroughly and took a Swiss knife and wire, and I have a lot of stuff in my backpack and that’s not the most surprising.

After five minutes, the door opened.

Now I’m probably called “Dimka Bear”.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130508
 10.07.2016
There was a case at my workplace. At that job on my birthday, it was customary to throw money, and I was once given a microwave. By the way, its cost is about 2 times less than the amount that is normally given. I put her in my office. People began to hint, like, the thing is cool, convenient, it would be good for you to heat your food. I let it go several times, but the eternal smell of various homemade dishes and not always pleasant, I got tired and put it near the office on the table in the hallway. I have a desk, not a dining room. The people began to go to work with containers, like lunch, where the people warm up one by one. If I honestly don’t need a microwave at work, I ate lunch in the nearest cafe, or bought something in the store that didn’t need to be heated. I didn’t take the container from home, I don’t like to pull because I don’t have a car. And then someday I all delayed at work, left the office, looked at the microwave and thought: as a great gift for me colleagues made, once the gift, essentially mine, I will take her home. He immediately called a friend with the car, took out the microwave, loaded it in the trunk and took it home. The next day, in the hustle of the working day, the people noticed the absence of the microwave only at lunch, and already with the containers in their hands. They offended me, one even went in and said that I acted badly towards the collective, as a selfish, that to me with the soul, and I didn’t care about everyone. The other said, “What is it that we warm up?” The fucking selfish!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130507
 10.07.2016
I found an article about Latin obscene.

The ancient Romans could call a goat - hircus, a stultissimus, a donkey - asinus, a member - mentula, etc., etc. But the most entertained callings, meaning representatives of the criminal world: gladiator - headbreaker, duckwolf, perforator - robbers.

So neighbors with perforators can safely be called just perforators.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130506
 10.07.2016
>xxx: And nothing that all these GMOs are unnatural? Here yourself and eat this G.. only then don't be surprised and don't cry if babies with thighs are born.

It seems to me that the population eating for breakfast cheese that burns no worse than napalm, a sandwich with palm oil cheese and a dye on a slice of feed grain bread, and washing it all with a glass of milk with lime and laundry powder is worried about GMOs as it should not be?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №130505
 10.07.2016
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Put on Baidu!!! to

YYY: Something I don’t want to put any badge


[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130504
 10.07.2016
XX: I have a delay on the loan, I have not been paid for three months, I have not been on vacation for three years, I am about to be reduced at work, my son's fee was raised for studying at the universe, in general, full "stay out".
You have the word "dolboeb" written somewhat strangely...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №130503
 10.07.2016
I don’t know if I’ve told someone this story before, but when I was about 9 years old, there was a leader in the summer camp who told us amazing, unusual stories before sleeping with elves, dragons, wizards and all that. Only five years later we realized that she was simply reminding us of the Lord of the Rings.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130502
 10.07.2016
Aaa: A few years ago I was translating for a group of Chinese. During the planned events, the driver for the time of the tour left for his business, and left the key from the bus inside. The Chinese chose the most miniature of their compatriots, collectively pushed into the bus window and he opened the door from the inside.

BBB: Something similar they are doing now with countries.

[ + 25 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130501
 10.07.2016
Children in the yard under the window play in the army. One general, one commander of the company and two soldiers. They don’t even seem to suspect how close they are to the truth of proportions.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130500
 10.07.2016
A: We didn’t even discuss the last Game of Thrones series.
J: Because it was too much!
J: Half of the series I honestly spoiled you a week before the release.
J: But I hoped it’t happen.
I really liked Tyrell.
J: But let’s talk straight. Not Tyrell, but Margerie
A: At least confess to us until the wife sees. You fell in love with her :)
A: My wife is close.

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