Xxx: Our commercial director does not drink alcohol. Nothing stronger than kefir.

Ten years ago, he had a funny case with a subtext.

He comes home from the next "negotiations", drunk to the state of "already wood, but at least not raw." To sleep on the couch in the living room, and wake up from a strong blow to the back.

In the tomb. He hits the cover, it rises, but immediately falls back. The Oret.

In short, waking up his wife and son, they observe how the father of the family in a mint shirt lies under the coffee table, pushes him up and worships with a good mate that he is alive and does not need to be buried.



Yyy: One day, a friend of mine got sick, came home and fell asleep. When I woke up in panic, I thought I was blind. Then he recalled that he decided to look at the telecar before going to bed and, so that the picture did not double, without coming up with anything better, glued one eye to the isolate.



Zzz: My friend and I once sat down, drank wine, and I stayed with her overnight. I get up in the morning, I open my eyes, and everything is like a fog, the vision is like I look at the world through the bag. I was frightened, I thought well, here I was in trouble, got drunk. I went to wash, and I see that I forgot to remove the lenses for the night. However, after their removal, the full vision returned in two hours. But I was terrified, I thought I would be blind first, and then I would die.

Vegetarians say we eat animal bodies. They eat the bodies of plants.

Problems and relationships with the surroundings. I went to a psychiatrist and received 5000 rubles. He explained everything very clearly, placed on the shelves. Give a universal recipe - send everyone and everyone in the ass. Then he said:
- To fix it would need to go for a few more receptions (type, for 5000).
Thank you, I’ve learned everything. Go to shit.

The most offensive thing in Russian sport is when you suffer for athletes, you suffer, and they in 10 years the idiotic laws are adopted.

A friend at work one day began broadcasting with the appearance of a Messiah:

- I tell you, some hormones are added to female diets or something like that!

They ask him, why did you get it? And he says this:

My deodorant was over, and I couldn’t afford to buy it. I borrowed it from my wife for that time. And when I started using them all the time, my breasts started to grow!

I couldn’t stand it, I answer him, that his breasts didn’t grow from a deodorant, but from beer with a smoked roll, which he in a recent vacation chewed in liters and ate in kilograms. So he took and offended me because I did not take his warnings seriously.

And only one of his young colleagues approached him quietly to ask, "What deodorant does his wife use?"

Not a fool, but a man with a basic mental setup.

I traveled by train in Russia in the mid-1990s. The neighbor offers a drink, somehow he so well served everything: a bottle of good vodka, snack, snack.
I answer: I am a rather unprincipled person, but I have three rules. I don’t drink until noon, I don’t drink with strangers, I don’t drink in moving transport.

The man lost all interest in me, just looked out the window and did nothing.

It was twenty or thirty minutes. The crew crashed into the perron of a large station and stopped. The man immediately revived, looked at the clock (there was something like 12:07) and extended my hand:

and Nicholas!

The storm! There will soon be a storm!
Catch him guys. Tell your grandmother about the reader’s contest, an extremist fuck. Let me tell you this is a weather forecast.

I had a wonderful dream. In a dream, I was a scientist and conducted some important research that would change the life of mankind. I long and painfully sought the answer, the solution, and after a lot of effort got it! I share it with the world, I am all applauded, rejoiced, congratulated, and here I understand that it is crazy important. With willful effort, I wake up for a few seconds, write in phone notes and fall asleep further, swimming in the rays of fame.

In the morning, I open the notes, and it is written, "the bag should be washed with milk."

The highest achievement of the Russian authorities is that even the word "patriotism" has acquired a negative shade.

A few days ago, my brother’s wife rushed to me for an obscene stroke with the words: “I always beat my husband in the face.”

Imagine, there are people who consider mat something beyond the boundary, but to beat people for them is the norm.

A few days ago I got the news that Miller has a salary of 2.2 million a day, and Sechin has 4.5 million a day. The mind is incomprehensible! Why does one get twice as much as the other? Why is this injustice in Russia?! to

I went with my husband to his parents. There was talk about the fact that many elderly people put money on their funerals. The husband told his mother that she should not think of putting off money, because there is no need to refuse something and pay for the funeral. She has children who earn well and will find money for the funeral. After a while I went to my parents. My husband talked to my mother again. He says why did you give birth to children, they are weak? He makes a beautiful phrase:

I don’t even have 100,000 rubles to bury you.

Memories of the 21st Century:

1st Give up official marriage. A loving woman does not need a stamp, and you with such anti-male marriage laws - especially.

2nd Don’t connect with a woman who can’t make your life better. The appearance of a woman should benefit you, not her.

Three In the absence of a woman on the horizon who can and wants to make your life better, do not agree to less. Just live for your own pleasure and don’t stumble.

4 is Avoid divorced women with children. They see in men only the solution to their problems. Enjoy free sex and dinners that divorced women are seducing into their networks. But do not hit.

5 is Avoid domestic prostitutes who “love” only for money, status and personal gain. They are no different from ordinary prostitutes and even worse than them. Better ordinary if necessary.

6 is Remember that a “real man” is a trick and an attempt to strike your self-love. Speak confidently and proudly that you are a non-real man. This title is much more prestigious and even more useful.

7 is Learn self-sufficiency and independence. Because we live in the age of “eaters” and it is better for the whole household to learn to do it itself than to try to force a woman to do it. It will be easier and cheaper. Especially in the age of advanced technology.

8 is Don’t pay for sex to ordinary women who don’t work in this profession. This gives you the content and household prostitutes. Remember that you are a man and valuable in yourself. Women also want to fuck. Both of us enjoy sex.

9 is Remember that the main purpose of this life is to get pleasure from it, to realize your goals, to uncover your potential. All the rest is propaganda and manipulation, so that you distract yourself from your goals and devote yourself to the goals of others.

10 is Spend more time alone and learn to enjoy it. Loneliness is an invaluable gift and an opportunity to gain integrity, self-sufficiency and critical thinking.

11 is Take care of your health and longevity. If you lose your health, everything else will no longer make sense. Maintain a healthy lifestyle contrary to the plans of the Pension Fund on your valuable savings.

12 is Do not risk your health and life for the sake of a woman. You may be shaken or killed, and she will forget about your existence the next day.

Thirteen Find a balance between life and work. Learn how to spend money competently, and you will not have to go on two jobs to survive. Remember that work is not life, and life is not work.

14 is Learn to say “no” to things that don’t match your goals, interests, and desires. Your needs are first.

15 is If you don’t want children, be careful. If you want - be morally prepared, that according to the current legislation, you can take them away at any time and replace them with alimony. And don’t forget to always make DNA tests in case of imposing paternity and responsibility on you. Remember that up to 30% of husbands raise, without knowing themselves, other people’s children.

The mentally ill are skillfully disguised as the spiritual rich.

It all started long ago, so long ago that there were still collages. In one of these collective farms, Serega worked in the department on the farm. Although it may not be Serega, but I like the name, so let it be. Serena was a cattle. He owned a farm and a non-standard. So he called him, the bull-producer, named Mishka. Why is it unusual, you ask? Because Mishka weighed six hundred kilograms or more, and among the cows he stood out as a guliver among the lilips. Serena was angry. He was very angry, because Mishka stood on the same bandage as the cows, but at the same time he climbed into the central passage to the half-tubes and prevented Serege from carrying food on the "chassis". Or retreated back when he was carried away with this "chassis", standing up with his feet on the rear floor and preventing him from passing with a scratch. In general, Serega struck Mishko, then the "chassis" is a tractor such as the T-16, then a scraper, then a fork, then a nickname. Mishka bumped, his eyes were filled with blood, but the chain was strong, and Serega was fast. It was so until one day. On that day, or more precisely late in the evening, Serega walked around the farm with a walk, intending to run home after him and what he did not like. He did not understand, but what anxiety filled him from within.
Damn, where is the mouse? Suddenly he understood, where is this unusual bullshit? At that moment, something screamed from behind and Serega turned around. The mouse was in the central passage. The chain was on the floor. - Probably the inseminators did not fix it, - the thought crumbled, but the bull had already beaten with a copper and the eyes were poured with blood. It was possible to run only in one direction, the opposite of the bull and Sereg rushed. The mouse goes too. The chain from behind ringed, a heavy gesture and the same heavy breathing was heard. What speed Serega achieved, it is difficult to judge, but if he were at the Olympics, he would become a prize winner.
“Well, the doors for the ventilation are open – the thought crumbled and Serega broke into the street, not giving any importance to the fact that there is a burial hole filled with hose. Where he sinked. That it was even worse than the bull, who stopped in time, he realized after a few moves, in vain trying to get stuck behind the sliding concrete walls. I will die in shit! He understood when his swollen clothes pulled him down and came to hopelessness. You forgive me! He could only scream. He did not want to leave this life with sins and Mishka approached the edge of the pit, as if listening. Then he shrugged and shrugged his head. And the chain, a long chain hanging from his neck, slipped over the wall of the pit, fell almost into Serege’s hands. He grabbed her like a ants for a rescue puddle, - go, Misha! He broke out. The bull turned back. When Serega pulled out on the passage, the weakened released the chain from his hands, the bull no longer paying attention to him turned and broke to his place.
Since that day, the situation has changed. Mishka, from the "non-standard" was renamed to the "bratan", instead of ticks and beats, was moved away from the passage with smoothies and snacks.
You saved my life, and this is more than my brother! - slapping a bull on a huge tail, sentenced Serega. The trouble came unnoticed.
Soon we will get the meat! said the director. - Star is already a mouse for insemination, and the inseminators say it is time to switch to artificial!
Who is old? Serena, he is in the midst of his strength. Don’t believe, try it yourself. I see it constantly. You know what a manufacturer.
The question is resolved, stop frostbite here. It’s said on the meat mixer, so it’ll go there! I shrugged my lips, said the leader. Probably offended by the invitation to the test. And Serega realized that the excuses were useless and rushed to the central estate.
After sitting next to the secretary beaten for two hours, he still came to the chairman.
You can’t put my mouse on the meat mixer, it’s my brother! He saved me from death! He started from the threshold. The president looked at him incomprehensively. When he found out that Mishka was a bull on the farm, he said:
Brother, not brother, but people need to give money. Actually, he is old already. If you want, buy it. I will give at the acceptance price. There is money? - Sergey changed, he really had no such money.
Can I borrow or pay off? He pleaded, and I will work.
I cannot wait. To be honest, I can, people will not understand, I have to count on the cleaning. So if there is no money, your brother will go to the meat mixer. The conversation is over.
Sergey had only one way out and he took advantage of it.
“It is necessary to pull your brother,” he said, cutting off the chain, “it is necessary to run, they will kiss you! And Mishka answered, suffering with understanding.
They went all night. Fields, slopes, roads were not chosen, there was only a direction. When it was dawn, we stumbled into a village. Serega knocked on the first stumbling booth. A grandmother opened the door.
Do you need a manufacturer? He exhausted Serena.
to me? For whom? - she walked that, dangerously, but looked at Sereg with interest, turning his gaze from head to foot. Heavily breathed and added - I am old for production, but we are full of young people in the village. You are a visible guy.
I’m not asking for myself, for my brother. You need a bull-producer, he kicked his back. The mouse stood not far away.
For whom? → The danger of the grandmother changed to some fear when she looked at Seregine with a whirlwind.
-You understand mother, they want to give him for meat, and he is more than my brother, he saved my life! I offered it for free, and Serega told her story.
Now people will drive the cattle out of the pastures, let’s talk. I would take that the seed is no longer able to cut. They help, we leave. We will need a good producer, a good crop. Not that these local minions that can not jump on the cow.
The people agreed, promising to help the grandmother with seed and combined food.
I will come to you, brother. Saying goodbye to the bull, Serega said. Then the translators went back. To the village they went out, there was another area. That’s fine, Serena thought. But it was not all good. At the farm he was awaited by the local and chief zoo technician.
Where is the bull? They stumbled on.
I will not say. Stay with Serena.
You will go to court. Do you not live at home? Do you want to break in the area? We will find the bull anyway!
I saved my brother, and you do what you want. Look for.
The trial was pretty quick. Under the Soviet rule, the robbers of people's property were not liked. The Attorney Drunk. The lawyer swirled. Serena was silent. And a year and a half of "chemistry" with reimbursement earned full. The judge probably lacked the sausage too.
A year and a half has passed so quickly and so long. But Seregin's term ended and he did not go home, but to that village. He found the grandmother’s house and knocked on the door. Grandma recognized him.
Did you come to see your nephews? She smiled.
What kind of nephews? He has swallowed.
Well, if Mishka is your brother, then they are your nephews. Today there is a herd. And Mishka there and all your relatives. Go look at. Then come and drink tea.

I went to a meeting of classmates, have not seen each other for 30 years... Three hours of drinking, roasting, remembering. Then it turned out they were from another school.

The main cognitive principle of our power is: “If it exists in the reports of officials, then it actually exists.”

Individual representatives of the “progressive humanity” are an interesting social phenomenon – they demonstrate exactly the vices against which they are allegedly fighting. This is a funny case.

Five years ago on Dutch television came a curious season of the localized version of "The Last Hero". There were two islands, one inhabited by men and the other by women. The rules were announced in advance, no one opposed. The idea was also supported by feminists, who whispered about the fact that now they will show how a female society would look without the horrors of the patriarchate.

And they showed. Oh, as they showed!

Two groups were abandoned each on their own island, supplied with a small amount of originally needed supplies and provided for themselves. Both began with the construction of hierarchical relationships, but in the male company they somehow did without a formal leader: each began to do what he considered necessary. Some had the fun of hunting, others of fishing or gathering. Even the most lazy, when tired of staying on the beach, engaged in the manufacture of primitive furniture. Another group decided to build a house, which subsequently expanded and improved. Therefore, a few days later, a small prosperous civilization appeared on the island, and day by day it became more and more successful.

Women also engaged in routine work. First they came up with a dryer for clothes and beach towels, and then went out to sunbath and talk. It immediately turned out that they could not start a common business without reaching a consensus between all the members of the group. And since there were at least a dozen of them there, this consensus was never found. For several episodes, the women ate all of their supplies, washed out several times under a tropical storm, unsuccessfully fought sand fleas, and generally looked pretty unfortunate. At the same time, the male team was very pleased with themselves. Of course, there were some disagreements in the group, but they, one way or another, were resolved.

Here the authors of the program grabbed their heads and rightly decided that it is urgent to change the conditions of the game. Otherwise, the public opinion would be crushed. Three men were sent to the island to help the women. In turn, three women went from the female island to the male.

At first, the three men who dropped the draw to go to the bodies were extremely excited about this. But everything changed when I arrived.
M is :
Where is your home?
J is :
We have no housing.
M is :
Where is your provider?
J is :
We have eaten rice for a long time.

All in that spirit.

As a result, three unfortunate guys went to hell: they were forced to crawl like oxen, using all the skills they acquired by trial and error in the first weeks of their stay on the island – building housing for bodies, catching fish, forcing them to collect fruits and berries for stock. However, they only did that they spoke silently and burned.

At the same time, three women sent to the male island went to heaven: food, shelter and a maximum of male attention. They also spent all their time talking and burning.

This is where the media outcry began. The feminist public raised a terrible bullshit on the subject that television supports obscene stereotypes and in general: "so much hockey we don't need!" It was argued that the show did not meet the goals of building a bright future and should be banned.

That is, behave exactly like our Russian “people with good faces”: if the facts contradict my theory, the worse for the facts! They began to manipulate and hypocrite.

They were politely told that what happened, of course, could be a coincidence, but the CBS channel also showed several seasons of similar reality in the United States, where men and women were in different groups. In most situations, the outcome was the same – men quickly co-operated to extract food, fire and shelter, and women spent time and energy on gossip, quarrels, eating scarce supplies and rigorously building hierarchies.

In a minority of episodes, the formation of the male team was inhibited by the ambitions of aggressive characters, but the situation, when men were unable to self-organize, and women created some sort of functional community, found no reflection anywhere but in the world of women's vanilla fantasies. And this is the same "hidden knowledge" that feminists will protect from disclosure, like Malchiš-Kibalchiš - their military secret.

I need a fairy tale of a beautiful labyrinth. It is like a “crab” but vice versa. First, you are a beautiful, smart little child, and you will be prophetized what white wings you will have, and how high you will fly, and everyone will be jealous of you. Then it turns out that you are a duck. You don’t know how to live this life.