I decided to cut the grass in the country, wrapped the wire accidentally from the raspberries on the grass-cutting machine: (. She stood up. I tried to crush it, cut it off with a cutter - no way (Son goes - let me see. Worth to scratch. At this time I see that it is already dark and it is time to stop cutting, and so I can no longer see. I decided to turn the extender. As I turned, something went wrong and everything got confused. I see the son going, has already broken up the grass-cutting machine. Please remove the extender. I went home and took a beer from the refrigerator. I turn on the light and the light blinked and burned ((

I scream from the kitchen: Son! The lamp has burned!

He: Mom, and let’s you be a little slower to break everything, or I can’t get time to fix it.

He knows what it means to live with a woman.

Somewhere half a year ago my husband got a corporate simka from work. A couple of days later, a woman called this number, let’s call her Masha, and said, “This was my number. Please give me back the sims. I will pay..." The husband replied that the simka was made for the company and if necessary let it call the management of the company and decide.

And after some time in Votsape began to come different messages (the numbers were foreign) of the following content

“Masha, I need a girl.

I’m in Istanbul, I want to rest and so on.

There are also messages from girls asking for a job.

My husband blocked them.

One girl even sent her erotic portfolio. In addition, it was of good quality, professional, taken in the photography studio.

The husband said sadly, “Oh, it’s a pity to even remove...”

The girls wrote mostly from Latvia, Ukraine.

And the men with the demands of the girls were from Istanbul. I watched their avatars in the vatsapa, many of them had family photos with children.

Interestingly, these people started writing in the evening at 23:00. At 1 p.m. when we went to sleep.

You lie quietly, you are already asleep, and here the messages begin to come one after the other.

I say to my husband, “They write to you,” he calmly answers, “Yes, these are prostitutes.”

One night there was a message: “Masha, I’m in Istanbul. I need a girl...” and in 15 minutes another message: “Hello. I am from Latvia. I need a job...”

Even the idea of giving them each other’s numbers to meet...

Yes, forever these women with incomprehensible hints (I came home like this, and my wife lies naked on the bed stands and says "take me" and I stand and try to understand what she wants? Where to take her? I’m not going anywhere, I don’t understand.)

I work in furniture manufacturing, make and install furniture on order. Two weeks ago, I opened the trunk of my car, and a slice of a furniture bar of 800-900mm was thrown into my eyes.He surprised me very much, since the last installation, when he could get there, was almost a month ago, and how I didn't see him all this time "a little bit" is unclear (in the trunk a box with all kinds of liquids, a scarf, a brush and in detail, especially nowhere to be lost). A few days later, a friend calls and asks to make a stick in the warehouse. I went to measure the length, and for the case, I took this cut. He did it perfectly!! Now it does not let the thought that for some failure I was given a quest object before the quest itself))

Local airlines flights. Passengers are served by a post-Balzakov-age flight attendant and equipment, with difficulty allowing to crawl through the passage. In the plane, a mother flies with a 5-year-old child, who periodically ticks the stewardess's call button. Mom apologizes, the crew nervously turns off the indicator. For the tenth time, the crewman can’t stand and speaks to the child:

Boy, what do you want? ! to

The boy replies and points to the figure shown on the button.

The doll is me!

I stopped watching the figure. Finally, the figure needs to be trusted. Not a stranger.

Local airlines flights. Passengers are served by a post-Balzakov-age flight attendant and equipment, with difficulty allowing to crawl through the passage. In the plane, a mother flies with a 5-year-old child, who periodically ticks the stewardess's call button. Mom apologizes, the crew nervously turns off the indicator. For the tenth time, the crewman can’t stand and speaks to the child:
Boy, what do you want?! to
The boy replies and points to the figure shown on the button.
The doll is me!

The head of the Ministry of Industry: "Import interference stopped due to the impossibility of acquiring foreign components."
Die, Denis, you better not tell me.

Case from life: it was necessary to move the phalloimiter from point A to point B (don't ask why), well, I put it in the simplest black bag, trusted its blackness, I carry it, I stood on the light, here I catch the look of the guy nearby, he turns red, smiles. I turn my eyes down, onto my bag, and his sun in the back is so picturesque, and naturally there the cock can be seen. And I stand so proud of the fox on this light, and I know that if I start to confuse and hide, I will only attract even more attention. It was an unforgettable feeling, I felt at least a Lady Gaga of a local scale at the level of epatage.

We have an exceptional mess with order, and the mess is usually order!

In the United States, a firefighter refused to extinguish the house of his ex-wife.

The burning Helen was out of anger when the firefighters arrived suddenly stopped in a short distance from the burning house instead of rescuing it from the burning fire.

It turned out that the chief of the fire brigade was her ex-husband Jim. Their family life lasted for 15 years, after which everything collapsed because of the fact that another man appeared in her life. The divorce process lasted more than a year with scandals, and in the end she managed to judge the house.

And after some time in their former common house and a fire, which arrived former husband Helen at the head of his brigade. But half a kilometer from the scene, he gave the driver a command to stop, and ordered the members of the brigade to refrain from extinguishing fire.

According to a divorce court ruling Jim, his family and relatives were prohibited from approaching Helen closer than 500 meters. The angry hostess had to call another fire brigade, but as they arrived at the scene, only ashes remained from the wooden house.

Helen again had to file a lawsuit now on her ex-husband and his colleagues to obtain material compensation. But this time she lost.

The defendant submitted to his defense the ruling of a previous court case that neither he nor his relatives have the right to approach his ex-wife. And his colleagues, with whom he has worked for many years, are the closest people to him.

So he could not break the law that justified him.

“I didn’t think about green energy,” thought Greta Thunberg, heating a rat on the fire.

I was brought to the village as a child (5-6 years old). We lived with my aunt. Well, I was playing there, doing every kind of childhood stuff. My aunt asked me to help:

“I’ll burn the old boards, and you, little boy, put them in the fire (so they called the prisoner).”

And I am happy to help. But there was one, but my father burned on the street. Well, my aunt’s boards are old pills, I catch them and bring them to my father in the fire. The aunt sprinkled everything, walked past the pollen and asked:

Where are the boards?and¿

I answered proudly:

How is it? In the fire!! to

And I bring it to the fire, and there its plates burn...

I have a friend, he bought a service from a cell phone company so that his number was not identified by anyone. He was very angry when I walked out of his way. —Hi, Matthew! Well, what if his only number is not determined when calling the incoming))

Never underestimate the stupidity of people.

I watched here in the league of gestures a video of how a man was crushed by a bus that fell from the dome and reminded me.

I recently went by car with a driver (flight 30 person) on a business trip to another city. Turn the rear wheel.

The driver lifts the car on the dome, removes the wheel and I see that he is going to roll it to the trunk. I say :

Put the wheel under the car.

And why?

Will it fall out of the housing?

It will not fall...

and put. You see, the wind is strong, the car moves!

The driver reluctantly clamps the broken wheel under the car and goes to dig in the luggage compartment to get the reserve... and the car flies from the steering wheel falling on the underlying wheel. I ask him:

You see for what?

He is silent, his eyes knock.

Again he lifts the car, gets the reserve from the trunk, rolls to the place of replacement and leanes to the car. Here he begins to stretch behind a broken wheel to get him. I ask him:

Why do you get him?

I want to put it in the luggage.

It could just have fallen!

No, I’m going to reserve now.

Do not touch it, as you turn it, and put it in the trunk.

With the dissatisfied expression of the face silently begins to curl with the reserve... and the car again flies off the hood.



And then my family members ask me why I sometimes, when I forget, talk to them like downs, beginning to explain obvious things. I answer, sorry for the deformation.

In January, I played the grid with friends and had to go to the kitchen for a snack.

When he returned to the game and the enthusiastic conversation on the discord, without tearing his eyes from the screen, he made a spoon of tea and immediately splashed tea because of the fact that he felt incomprehensible pieces in his mouth.

It turned out that the cat decided to try or smell the tea and it broke into a bowl.

Strange pieces were wool and cat food.

In large families, where they bring things to each other, Fashion is even afraid to whisper.

My friend met his future wife on a beach in Sochi 400 km from his hometown. They lived in the same city and studied at the same school. When they got married, they looked at photos from their wife’s family album. Suddenly, my friend recognizes himself on a school photo. At the last call, he carries a first-class girl with a bell. First class is his wife. There is a similar photo in his family album.

Have you noticed that when you are addressed with the phrase "We need to talk", you don't need it at all?

I go to a cafe almost every day. There is a barista working there, who throws my glances over and all in that spirit, but he did not dare to get acquainted. Today I came, and he was not there. Probably not in his replacement. I was so sad that he wasn’t there. It became so strikingly lonely. But you will do nothing. He sat down at his favorite table. The waitress put out the menu and quickly went away with the phone. I tried to call her for ten minutes. And she passed by to the other tables: "I'm sorry for waiting, I'll come now." I was about to leave with a wildly bad mood, as this barista enters the cafe, smiled at me and went to the stand. Only then came the waitress to me. It turned out that this girl, when she saw me, called the guy. And he stumbled on his weekend to make me coffee. It’s the sweetest thing I’ve seen. And yes, tomorrow we go on a date.