Letter from a soldier of emergency service.

There is a belief that in the army, brom is poured into tea to reduce sexual desire. So for the first two weeks I was afraid that brom was added to the tea and did not drink it. And in the third week, he started drinking and hoping that he would still be added.

I never buy a shaurma in bushes, I do it at home, it turns out to be real, even a couple of times poisoned...

What amazes the Japanese in Europeans is their ability to handle such uncomfortable items as a spoonful and a fork.

Just just...
At the entrance to the mini-market a car crashed, a driver literally jumped out of it - a 20-year-old boy. Lovely, fast in movements, all like a sprinkle, such as they say "the spark is flying." Melting to the shop door, he opened them and measured, holding. Dancing with impatience.
From the front seat came a dwarf. With a stick. On poorly listening legs, flattering and flattering, he shakes in the direction of the door...
The little one (and the little one).
Daddy, please hurry up! We are so late!
Grandfather raises his young eyes on him and, smiling with all his wrinkles, says:
Grandchildren, believe me I am running inside!! to
It is warm for the whole day.)

Give me back the past, there was such a wonderful future.

We also brought some girls to someone's birthday, and we shouted from a friend's room, "Borja, go to the kitchen, there are babies," and in response, "As a naker babies, I can't buy up vampires."

PS: He was playing HMM3 at the time.

Babes come and go, and the third heroes are eternal.

XX: For a long time, I wanted to ask someone. Why Stylus on a Smartphone?

yyy: In the line of samsung note - to draw, well and chips of all kinds are implemented with a stylus.

zzz: Used note 3 and note 4 all the time, once got a stylus in order to forge the meat out of a broken tooth

YYY: Do you have anything to do with visual art?

Zzz: When I was a child, I painted a cock at a party

In her daughter, the cat brought another cat into the house and allowed her to eat from her bowl. The daughter said that now about represents the feelings of the mother-in-law when dating a bride...

xxx: I bought a Liebherr refrigerator, there is a Shabbat mode - on Saturday the bulbs do not light up...

yyy: Then there should be the “Ramadan month” option when the refrigerator does not open during the day)

zzz: Then you need fasting when the refrigerator is not opened. at all.

I went to work with a man, 35 years old. We talked somehow, he came from the area, divorced, life did not end, but did not despair. I went out and searched for the second half. I found it on a dating site. There was a lot of free time, I went on dates with candidates, by the time of our conversation I had already traveled with a woman. Life seems to be fine.

It comes once to work dark, well with whom does not happen. I see, he needs to speak out, asked what was said, happened.

What do these grandmothers need? I bring money, I almost don't drink, she and her child were cooked with watermelon yesterday, and she walks darker than the cloud, dissatisfied.

Serena, maybe you don’t get along with your daughter? 14 years, a difficult age... Seroga, he says, everything is okay, she is not at home, will be out of school, will eat and a friend all the time.

What is there, can you advise? Try to talk about how dissatisfied your love is, I say to Serge.

The next day, the serpent came up.

She is stupid! What is missing? I also did the repair (but it is not moving smoothly yet, there is not enough money), and by the time I come, I will make dinner, and give her love! Talk, think, meet, romance, dates, then yes...

It turns out, Serega wrote with her, met, walked a couple of times, spent to the house, and... He came to her with things from the rental apartment, even a pudding curtain brought! )))

To be honest, I am in shock! And Seroga, he says, why did I spend my money on rental housing, since everything is okay here?

Here is such a romance, with giraffes and baulas... He stopped and did not drive out, may have regretted, or may have not immediately found what to answer... So he suffered with a stranger, in his apartment...

Sorry, for the fact that a lot of water is poured here, for mistakes, but the story is real.

P.S. Half a year later Seroga left from his "love", along with the guire. There are many beautiful unmarried women.

Many generations have been born, and the fairy tale has never been.

I went to my friend in the evening, he lives in his house. They sat down, drank a cup, and when the wives went away to communicate in the room, he stood up and said briefly:
Go to.
We came to the sarai, which stands in his yard. On the right were flooded fresh berry wood, and on the left were shelves with various crafts and supplies that could feed a small African village. The comrade approached the shelf, on which there was a battery of large and medium-sized bottles, grandly nodded at them and solemnly said:
The apple cider!
You are what! I was surprised and looked better. Inside the bottles was some mysterious muddy substance, and closer to the bottom was a thick layer of precipitation.
“Real, carbonated,” he confirmed, “he pressed himself, there are only apples and sugar seven kilos.
Then he removed one of the bottles from the shelf, with the label of lemonade "Ah!“He handed me carefully with the words “don’t thank me.”
I sneezed and did not thank, between close friends it was unnecessary. And to give half a cup of real carbon cider, as you understand, you can only a close friend.
At home, I realized that I don’t know exactly what apple cider is drinking from. Having delivered the high glasses for the chance, I opened the bottle, and an exciting apple smell spread through the dining room. The cider by this time has already completely swallowed and acquired a flat dark brown color. The wife, suspected of smelling the bubbling fluid, refused to try it and went to bed.
From the first swallow, I understood what the expression taste is known since childhood. Specifically, from early youth. Immediately remembered poker and "thousands" behind the garages, and the papyrus "Prim" and the three-liter bank around the circle, when on a daring question of what to eat, all the chorus of warts - so, out, on the wall the cock hangs! And after a painful morning sickness, terrible vomiting in the toilet and an unpleasant conversation with parents.
In general, the journey in time went so well that after the first glass, I suddenly poured out the second and, having plunged with it for another half an hour, went to bed.
But, unfortunately, this is not the end of the story, because life has always been richer.
On the night of the change in the coffee shop, where she served in the holidays, the daughter returned. Usually, when she works until late, we leave her something on the table, a piece of melon, a banana, or some bulk.
This time on the table she found half a bottle of lemonade “Ah!“”
Not thinking for a long time, she also poured out a cup and, shouting, drank a ball.
I woke up from the sound of the TV, which spoke at full volume. The daughter sat in the dining room on the couch and smiled:
“And my second tattoo,” she proudly, “was photographed yesterday by three.
After which she whispered drunk and, throwing herself on the couch, instantly fell asleep in the posture of a Vitruvian man.
Having realized that the irreparable happened, I poured another half glass of pseudo-limonade and after drinking a spoon, I went to bed again.
The fighting began in the morning.
How could you drink this baby? The wife asked angrily. - You understand that you are an alcoholic, and socially dangerous, you are also attracting your daughter!
I was silent like an Indian prisoner.
“It’s true,” confirmed the daughter sadly, “it pulls in. I even thought before that at the airport each passenger flight is called separately.
Why is? I badly asked.
“Because you’re always hanging in the cafe until the last time our name is announced!
Half an hour later, after reading a lot of notes and giving me a bunch of impossible tasks, they finally went somewhere. Half an hour later, a friend called:
So, has the Siddhartha tried it?
“I tried,” I breathed out, “only that, of course, is not a cider.
And why, he worried, seven kilos of sugar.
“It’s not a sidr,” I repeated again, “it’s... you at least got Calvados. Remark was such a drink.
The Remark? - He was delighted, - you know, and you go to me right now, I also have a bourbon! I did myself too...
I breathed again, but when I thought about it, I began to dress. Eat a real bourbon. Especially because in the event of new domestic violence, I can always escape from home and become a sailor.

If God created the sun only on the fourth day, how did he know that four days had passed?

XXX: I am in the same situation. As a child, I feel guilty. The day before, and the day is not very well. How to get the ejaculant back in place?

YYY: It is very simple. Swallow the sperm.

No, I won’t buy this advice again.

From retirees on a thread, to Rotenberg on a yacht.

There is such a guy...
Everyone from small to large calls him Glory. For fifteen years, he worked as a bus driver on the route from our village to the city. On the way of the bus, four villages, the glory is known to all. Glory to the broad soul of man. Over the years, he has fulfilled hundreds of requests: to deliver a package to a student in the city, to track the child if he goes to visit his grandmother alone, to pay a loan in the city, to buy medicine, etc. He is fun and companion. and modest.

We met with Glory many years ago. At that time, Sania and I (my husband, disabled in the first group) did not have a car and we just came from the hospital. It was necessary to continue treatment, and for this it was necessary to go to the city several times a week. With the money then was tight, renting a taxi was unreally expensive. Sanya virtually didn’t walk, could not get to the bus stop (and that’s about a kilometer). Glory took us near the house, and in the city, pulling out passengers made a hook to take us to the hospital and helped bring Sanya to the department. and. I did not take money for it. By twelve we were released, he took us and went on a daily flight back to the village. I think if the owner of the bus knew about it, he would have had trouble. Today I went for spare parts to the city (our car started to break frequently) on the bus with Slavia. We talked, I reminded him how he was driving us with Sania, and he didn’t remember. This was another good thing for him. It just helped and forgot. I respect such people, thank you!

“Dad, I’m an adult self-employed woman, I can buy potatoes.
Grab it, do not get distracted.

Xxx: I got rid of these creatures in the rental apartment as follows: I bought the cheapest powder-remedy for bugs, diluted not according to the instructions, and made a nuclear mixture. I processed all the furniture, all the tiles, all the cracks in the walls, all the things. Apart from mattresses, pillows, and other fabric. They do not live there. Closed the ventilation, closed all the windows. He made a design of the wire so that the dichlofos would throw as a smoke pipe. He threw two smoke diclophosks. Closed the door with Scotch. Two days later, he returned, ventilated, gathered all the dead messy things in a sink, did a wet cleaning. I lived there for two years and did not see any more.

Yyy: Guy, you are my hero. After your comment, you feel like a good fighter has watched. Maybe the imagination is good :D Rambo: The Last Clown.

I have a familiar couple in the states, Jews who immigrated 30 years ago. And they retained such a subtle colorful sense of humor, which makes, in addition to laughing from the heart, also gain some wisdom of something.



They told me a story:

On a wonderful Saturday, when you want to fall for longer in bed, at 7 a.m. the phone rings. A friend (Z) takes off the phone, and there some seller of some shit sloth begins to pair a learned speech. A friend listened to the speech and said, “Can you tell me your home number?”

The Seller: Why?

I’ll call you next Saturday at 4 a.m. and we’ll discuss everything you want.

Seller: I understand you, the testimony.

In one of the offices there was a wreck. The house had a lot of rooms. Cabinet, safe, warehouses, loft, garages, a pair of barracks, containers, etc. And from all this good he carried with him a huge bond of keys. The ligament was so large that it didn’t fit in his pocket, so he wore it on a large steel ring on his pants.

Here we are in the smoke. Admin, looking at the entrance, remarked:

The world is arranged. If you have one key, you are the boss. If two, then a big boss.

Завхоз so squeezed, waiting for the continuation, his mega-link whispered:

What if there are many keys?

If you have many keys, you are a cleaner.

“Oh,” breathed the master, “even here he did not feel important. I’ll go away from your barrel with the cartridges and lose the key, let the girls break you.