bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №154850
 22.08.2020
In the apartment above live, there are 3 families: a man and a woman and their two children are also married. To argue is to say nothing. Almost every day someone is attacked, someone is driven out, something is demanded.

You know, but before I did not understand how noble and royal families waged such bloody wars with one another. My brother’s brother killed a village. And here in a two-room apartment whole wars unfold.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №154849
 22.08.2020
If a man wants to make money by saying nonsense, he goes to clowns; if he wants to make a lot of money by doing the same, he goes to lawyers.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №154848
 22.08.2020
We work in a shopping complex two by two, we sell furniture. The woman immediately left and left her daughter instead. She sometimes worked with us. The terminal, the terminal. I’ll be here tonight, what about you? well well! Here is the sale, so much cash, so much at the terminal. The young man! He removed everything and closed the exchange. Deposit of cash? to whom? Did the director come? There was a man, but I didn’t give it, I said he looks like an attacker! I will give you. The director was crying ?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №154847
 22.08.2020
From a discussion on "Popular Mechanics" news about the tests by the corporation "Hyundai" of the cabin of one of its cars a bunch of babouins.
Vitaly :
Is it a test? We had to sit there four students and tell them not to touch anything.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №154846
 21.08.2020
A few days ago, I felt something new from the spammers on me. There is a phone call, I take the phone and I hear an auto response: "Hello, you are welcomed by the company "Ecoshototam", now you will be switched to the operator." Time was free, so I decided to listen to what they offered me. The phone speaks standard music when switching, 30 seconds passes, and the same auto-responsor interrupts the music and says, “Sorry, but all the operators are busy, your seat in line is four, please stay on the line.” O_O

I don’t have time for such boldness.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №154845
 21.08.2020
It is no secret that for people with disabilities in Germany there are many opportunities for them not to feel incapable of any activity. For example, electric cars and trains are equipped with special devices for the descent of wheelchairs and people with mobility problems. There are special charitable services at the station to help people with disabilities.

When recruiting, you can often find the phrase "Disabled people are preferred." In short, the assistance is organized pretty well.



An interesting situation happened at my workplace. I work in a social organization that works on the principle of centres for difficult teenagers and children from disadvantaged families.

A trainee came to us, a young man with the DCP. The form of the disease is not severe and the guy does very well with various types of assignments. Heavy things did not really work for him. But he continued and tried as much as he could.

I say to the boss:

Can I help him?

The Boss:

No, in no case. He has equal duties and rights with other employees. In addition, by helping him, you may let him know that he is limited by something. It will be ugly.

I am :

Can he help me?

The Boss:

It will look like you are using a disabled person.

I am :

What to do then?

The Boss:

Try not to meet him at work.

P.S

All the staff helped the guy, and he helped us until the boss saw him.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №154844
 20.08.2020
I have lived around the railway all my life. My dream is very sensitive: someone coughs, TV, birds outside the window, neighbors walk - I hear, fucking, everything! But! They never bothered the compositions that passed by the window. But here my guests, if suddenly without thinking decided to stay overnight, in the morning sitting with a cup of coffee completely broken: "How can you live here! How to sleep here!”

A matter of habit.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №154843
 20.08.2020
The acquaintance tells how his daughters solemnly handed out the certificate in 2019, and how they walked through the whole class. He said that he did not regret the money spent (teachers thanks in envelopes, daughter a costly dress, restaurant). It’s only once in a lifetime, to remember. I just smiled to remember what you said. I was personally told by the director of the school and the "classmate" - don't come to the certificate until your mother gives us the money to repair the school, you won't get the certificate ("lichy" nineties). Our class was not going to celebrate graduation, only one classmate invited all those who wanted to "blow up" in the country. I thought this was a doubtful pleasure. I did not drink alcohol at all. And my certificate I got, waiting for the director to go on vacation, I "pressed" a little on the soundtrack, and she gave up. I remembered for a lifetime – summer, empty school corridor, out of the teacher’s room comes a loud sound, and solemnly swirls my certificate on the floor, accompanying the “delivery” with a solemn speech – drown the fox with his certificate, and go away from here, and in the future do not bring his idiots to our school!

P.S When they were collecting money to repair the school, my mother said there was no money. I never told my mother about this, so there is no reason to bother her. The main thing is to remember!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №154842
 20.08.2020
I work in a 24-hour pavilion. The buyer arrives early in the morning at five o’clock. Sleep is terrible, the brain is turned off. But you gather yourself in a bunch, with a willpower. He asks for a bottle of Coca Cola. I say 50 rubles. Let him touch cold or not. I suppose, he immediately opens it, puts it on the shelf, and the first part of the Marleson Ballet begins. Give five thousand, I take it, but it is somewhat soft, does not cause trust, I give back, I say there is no surrender. The man says, well, I’ve already opened the bottle. I answer, think I gave it to you. Apparently it is all. A man has a thousand. He says, there are a thousand, holds it in his hands and says, count the surrender. Here the main thing is not to turn away, otherwise the money will disappear, and will assure that he has already given them. I am tired of looking at him. and silence. After breathing, he gives me a thousand. Apparently this is all. But...I calculate the transfer of 950 rubles, I re-calculate directly with it. I put on a pot for money. He takes, re-calculates, breaks a piece of the bills, and begins to get upset that I wrongly counted the bill. Well, I can't stand it anymore and say that I've been working in the trade for a long time, I've seen all sorts of divorces. Go home man. Well, I heard that I hate I am finished and my husband is a fool. It remains a mystery for me, and here is my husband?

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №154841
 20.08.2020
Medical insurance causes fear for our health.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №154840
 20.08.2020
We arrived in a car to Washington, ordered a hotel in the city center. A classic black guy.
We ask, “How much does the parking cost for one night?”
“Five hundred dollars, sir.” He responds educated.
“What a lot!”
“Washington is the capital of the United States!” I proudly proclaimed the gate.
I was surprised, “What, seriously?”
“Yes man. Washington is the capital of the United States, Maine! Confirmed by the guy.
“I have to, and I did not suspect it! Is there a cheaper parking place here?
“This is the center of the U.S. capital, Men! But there is a parking lot for 15 backs on the neighboring street.
We thanked him and left five cups. Parking was exactly the same.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №154839
 20.08.2020
As if in the neighboring class, the children decided to strike together on the rope that brought everyone, and we are waiting for our after the ninth class to leave.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154838
 19.08.2020
I used to wear bright orange glasses for a while. My wife said they are going. How much unnecessary attention was and often from men. But it was worth not to remove the electronic ears of Neko mimi, returning from the Japanese festival it generally extinguishes the light. The girls looked but evaluated. The men wrecked their gaze, as if he was like that. Don’t you pay for the time? And I looked as long as the S400 on the F16.

Yyy: What’s wrong with the orange glasses? Why attention from men? Can the attention of men be attracted by the orange color?

Damn with them, with ears, but the color of glasses.

Zzz: Except for the glasses, he did not wear anything else.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154837
 19.08.2020
xxx: I offered swings to my friends for a long time, but they refused, saying, “You don’t have a wife, you just want to fuck our wives, and maybe we too.”

YYY: So where did they go wrong?

ZZZ: In the point about wives.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №154836
 19.08.2020
The more the president thinks of the people, the less the people think of the president.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №154835
 19.08.2020
He worked as a waitress. One regular guest was very pleasant. For example, he could have eaten almost the whole steak and when there is a small piece left, to say to make the roast bigger - not to roast. His beer was poured exclusively into a 0.33-volume female glass. He was a friend of the director, all his wishes were fulfilled.
He sits with the director and eats. The waitress was not patient. They brought him cucumbers cleansed from the skin. and he:
Why are they cleaned? The most important vitamins!
A waitress with a serious face.
The skin still remains. Do you bring it separately?
The director cried, the guest was silent.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №154834
 19.08.2020
And you can imagine if BelAZ starts burning tires...

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №154833
 19.08.2020
We go with a friend and look at a cat sitting on a tree. So bright, black with white. He sits and sits.

A hundred meters from home. At the entrance, an announcement - a lost cat that found a reward. A picture of the cat on the tree.

We walk back, I climb a tree, the cat from me up. I shake the branch, the cat screams. Finally, I shake, he falls to the ground, a friend catches him on the ground - a pack is well covered. We go to the entrance and call the phone number. The cat in the package rattles, trying to rub the package.

There are two ladies, one of the ages and a young, mother and daughter to see. They look at this cat, then (with a breath):

This is not our cat. We have received it five times.

Fuck... Let the cat go, it shakes and goes unhappy to the same tree.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №154832
 18.08.2020
One day at the beginning of the zero gathered in the universe in the morning. Before leaving, I check the mailbox. The boxes were hanging in two rows, one above the other. The gaps for newspapers were above and quite wide.

I opened the door, looked and closed. I pulled the key and or sharply shrugged, but it stuck, the whole ligament slipped out of the hand. If he fell on the floor and her with her, he would raise up. I decided to catch her! And showing the miracles of the reaction, I crawl my hand over the bandage, send it to the wall, and from there with the ricochet - to the lower mailbox. Any other day she would get stuck. The stars were especially bright. She slipped perfectly.

There is no time at eight in the morning. Bring to the apartment from the number on the box. He opened the embal in his workouts with a cup of coffee in his hand. He listened, went down and opened the box. And just delivering the keys from the box, apparently, to the end believed in my story, because. began to roast.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №154831
 18.08.2020
I go on the street, the weather is good, the mood is great, and go to meet the company of schoolchildren (14-15 years old)

Uncle, can you help me?

I did not immediately understand what I was.

Uncle, we need help! A question of life and death!

I turned around, what happened?

You can buy electronic cigarettes.

I am not, guys. I don’t buy cigarettes for my kids.

I turn and hear such a dialogue.

The old fool. How do these starters dance?

I’m only 26... I’m still small, I love ice cream and my mom is scorned if I eat all kind of shit... And here I’m already a “old m#dack”.

PCI is hurt.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna