The client calls:
I was unable to pay the loan because we had a mail robbery. I just came when I was robbed. Can I pay tomorrow morning?

My mother is a director in Moscow. Not that it would be very famous - it is not so important now. He mostly plays series. In general, in the script of one of his series (detective), there is an episode with gift paper. In order not to get worse, the director decided to consult with the actual lawyer about some subtleties.
...
R: And if one person is written a gift, and the other killed him - he can take possession of the apartment?
Yu: No, a copy is kept in the notarial offices, and the notary himself can be a witness.
Q: What if a notary is killed too? Burning the office?
Q: Who are we going to protect?

My niece is about to have her first birthday, I torture my sister, what to give:
XXX is
Let’s think, or I’ll give something in the spirit of my grandmother, an unnecessary useless shit.

YYYY
Here is the list, choose :)
The book gun.
Developing toy for a child from 12 years (from 12 as they write what)
- plasticine
A catch on a rope
Plastic cup

This is what I really love with Leslie.
- camouflage
pieces of paper
All the strangers (All the strangers)
The cat food.
The Cat Water
Dirty fantasy

So choose it)

Conversation with an accountant:
D: We are interested in the regional FSB.
I: I came from there.
I: Although there is a chance to sit in the same chamber with Navalny and later become the Minister of Economy with him...
I: If they let go of course...

(Communication on the development of the website)
You have a mistake in the 12th line.
WOW: Okay well! In the 12th line?
HH: It is already 19th.
Tagged with: fucking, fucking

A response letter to a newsletter in a large company about another cost reduction:

This is the feeling that they cut them all off on business trips to create another service department. Soon, it is likely to be established: the Department of Management of Free Parking Places, the Department of Quality Control of Coffee in Coffee Machines, the Department of Audit of Dust on Tables, the Division of Flat Grasses and the Dresskod Police. And we will go on business trips on trains with chicken and cooked eggs, with a business trip of 350 p, and for close distances on bicycles rented at our expense.
And let that inter-corporate correspondence reader, read this letter and inform the head of the unacceptable opinion tracking department, at least get to the pantheon. Sorry, I was scared :)
With respect, AAA

The neighbor quietly entered the kitchen in a jacket, with a strapped cap to his nose, and took his light bulbs. Assassin is fucking.

Once in the head came to order cakes from America via the Internet. My leg is very small, 35 size. And like on the site I left my parameters, but obviously they didn’t understand me. As a result, 20 days later, a package came, which contained calas of some noble size, and inside a note (in Russian!Sorry, 35 was not, maybe 45 would fit.

I’m in the bus and a couple of Asians are sitting in front of me. I looked at it, I thought, how cute! A long-haired girl put her head on her short-cut boy’s shoulder. Then I looked again and understood: no, it’s the opposite – it’s a long-haired boy who climbed on his girl’s shoulder with a short haircut. After a while, doubting, I looked again. It was no longer a boy with a girl, but two aunts of age. Or even uncles. A mother with a son, or a father with a daughter.

The fucking Chinese.

The energy you get from eating 2 bananas is enough for 90 minutes of exercise or 40 minutes of sexual intercourse.
Eat 4 bananas and borrow for 80 minutes.

shiva1: the Siberian federal district on the map of Russia looks like a whore
shiva1: when our designer drew a map for one strict customer with distinction of circles by colors, they wrapped her a drawing with the phrase - why do you draw our genitals on the map

On the third day I drank 5 liters of vodka around half-six in the morning.
And suddenly I began to understand them all!
I understand what my 1.5 year old son says.
I understand what my wife is offended by.
I understand why our clients are not happy.
xxx: And most importantly, I’ve started to trust television in general and our government in particular.
xxx: <...deep breath...>
XX: You know, that explains a lot of scary things.

XXX: Have you watched movies in the style of Fortress??? Your cars are designed to move your ass around the city, rather than racing on them. If there were horses under the hood, we could talk about some races. One thing I want to say, don’t rape 80 little pony... Ride quietly – enjoy it.

From Contact:
xxx: Drivers, stop driving like shit, turn on the turns and make smooth manoeuvres!!! to
yyy: Motorcyclists, stop climbing through traffic jams without vaseline and start reflecting yourself in the mirrors!
The motto is vampires, we have a problem with reflection in mirrors, we suffer ourselves...

xxx: a few years ago worked as an installor for the wiring of the LS
xxx: we laid the lock in the entrance by the stand to the point
xxx: standard house, standard entrance: 4 apartments on the floor, 2 stands
xxx: I am standing on a table with a whirlwind
xxx: suddenly, from the apartment on the other side runs out the grandmother with eyes on the floor of the face
xxx: and how do you look: "What do you do here, I have in the bathroom tanks flow"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
XXX: The work then stood up.

I sit with a guy in the kitchen.
I hope you will love me just as much as I do, and I won’t have to kill a dragon, win a war, scratch a ring.
I: But will you kill a dragon for me?
P: Of course though.
I: And the ring?
Q: Okay, I will kill and ring.

by Rihoxonu:
What to do if it smells bad from the mouth?

The Emperor:
1st Brushing the teeth.
2nd Spray the mouth with an elixir.
Three Drying the gum.
4 is Take a textbook of Russian in your hands and break your head at it!

Interesting observation: 90% of lazy men think they have a beard

Victorian
I want to communicate well with you.

Nikita
Can we communicate?

Victorian
to communicate

Nikita
Try again
Communicating

Victorian
Communicating

Nikita
Be careful
I am with me.

Victorian
well
to communicate?

A girl came to visit me (and I now live in the village myself) well, and how I have mountains of unwashed dishes.In general, from my black pot, she made red! and in the grapes 0_o