bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121753
 13.12.2015
Why use a password as a primary key when you have a login?
YYY: Why be perverted? The date of birth must be used as the primary key.
Zzzz: Better to be sure
vvv: "You can’t sign up. This floor is already occupied."

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121752
 13.12.2015
The Ministry of Health wants to sell valerian and tincture on a prescription. And to plant for the cultivation of pineapple and aloe, as for the illicit trade in drugs they do not want?

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121751
 13.12.2015
The same feeling when a guy writes you all kinds of nonsense, in the hope of reciprocity, and you read, and mentally correct grammar errors > <

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121750
 13.12.2015
Damn, I am what, one of whom "grey" is a verb?? to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121749
 13.12.2015
In the bathroom for some reason smells strongly of neighboring garlic cakes. It’s even scary to think about what the neighbors smell in the kitchen.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121748
 13.12.2015
I went to the doctor to close the hospital. At the same time, I ask: say, and what are the ways to protect yourself, if you work in the open space, someone is sneezing and coughing all winter. The doctor (the brutal bald uncle), without thinking for a second:

Are you shooting a shot?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №121747
 13.12.2015
When the trunks are distributed to all, the crime will end, because everyone will have the trunks. The trunk is only needed for self-defense - so when I buy my APS, I will shoot the Light that I didn't give in the 10th grade, the hatch that she gave, the former boss from the job where he paid the salary one when he was fired, the pitcher of the one who parks wrong, and another man 70. Fuck me, Fuck me, Fuck me

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121746
 13.12.2015
The anecdote is not of our generation, but it is funny:
And let’s remember what you can do in the absence of a computer. Well, we all had such a time, like a relatively adult generation gathered.
to sing. But there is a risk that the computer will work again.
Y:hah) we can convert it to the Internet)
X to code. But there is a risk that the internet will work again :D

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121745
 13.12.2015
A friend, an investigator, asked if I could make her an e-mail card for the ND. I thought that their department decided to congratulate their "clients" with the New Year. Dear friend, Santa Claus, in the person of the Investigative Committee of the Russian Federation, wishes you all the best in the coming year... We remember you and do not forget!!! Do it well!"
I needed a card for my daughter in the kindergarten...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121744
 13.12.2015
Why Why? No seriously? If the child wants to eat, he will eat and ask for supplements. And if he nods and moves the plate away, then it can simply be put aside. First for a while, and if the child did not ask her back - then until the next meal.

Well, just some people don’t feel like good parents unless they’re borrowed.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121743
 13.12.2015
here here :

I was on the metro in the first wagon. The train stopped a couple of times in the race, obviously knocked on the door of the driver, and we continued. For the third time I laughed! and the voices. Is that what happens, the machinery of friends diverted? O_O

There are a lot of corridors and doors in the tunnels. The premises. Often there are compositions. So technically yes, brought friends. and colleagues

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121742
 13.12.2015
Currently
I was in the shower with a friend, and have not seen each other for a couple of months. During this time, I visited two consecutive journeys – Singapore and Kiev. And by tradition, along with the gift, I give him two magnetics.
In response, two outstretched pedals:
Wow, you were in Kiev!!! to

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121741
 13.12.2015
I was once advertised a condom on Twitter when I was watching Dota.
xxx: I think they are a bit wrong with the place for advertising
xxx: of course, I will use it if I watch Dota on Saturday night

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №121740
 13.12.2015
Neradence: Some time ago, one of my indoor plants started to leaf. and suddenly.
I fed it with fertilizers, brought it to light and put it in the shade, put it under the UV lamp, took it out of the UV lamp, stopped watering, started watering more. It persistently continued to fall. I re-read all the sources I found and broke my head - well, there was no reason for it.
The puzzle turned out to be non-trivial: a cat came to the flower, methodically ripped off the leaves and folded them into a pot. The pig is wool.
I have only one question: why? ><

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121739
 13.12.2015
xxx: And I'm an African-American want to try in bed, fucking, go some flowers courier?
Yyy: It’s the same, only if you turn off the light, it doesn’t leave the feeling of the mattress fucking.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121738
 13.12.2015
You’ve struck with your literacy! Who is interested? I received an SMS from a friend of mine "I’m going to go". I read it several times, and I didn't understand it, I called her back (the phone outside the zone) and only an hour later it turned out that she was stuck in the elevator and couldn't call out because of a bad connection. Even then it was necessary to run away from it, waving a textbook in Russian, but I don’t write about it here!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121737
 13.12.2015
Valeff: Never ask Mexicans how spicy their dishes are. When, after tasting a teaspoon of "not quite spicy" snack, you start crying on their shoulder, they will sincerely wonder why you don't want to eat another plate.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121736
 13.12.2015
Depository 19071
Did the girl explain the reason for her departure? explained
She needs a legal marriage.
No to you.
she left, did not become a force to push you into the ZAGS, fly away from you and manipulate you
You lost a decent girl.
Why do you not have a relationship with the opposite sex?
You don’t know how to value what you have – that’s why you didn’t get repaired, but were thrown away, expressed by your slang.


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121735
 13.12.2015
When I once visited a woman’s room in an investment bank, I wasn’t surprised to find free tampons. I was stunned by another: they were from three different producers̆. The conditions in which a person deals with a need reflect his status at all times.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121734
 13.12.2015
These are the things I love about our country!
I have a colleague here dressed a white coat with a suspension of nanodiamonds. No options to clean?"
(with geektimes)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna