bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129679
 20.06.2016
C 4PDA, Smart Devices Discussion
XXX: Smart Preservatives
The smart condom will tell you when to remove it
zzz: Really smart will tell you where you don’t need to insert...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №129678
 20.06.2016
XXX: In the universe was the case
xxx: the English teacher, when she filled the magazine, just thought about something (by her own words) and half the group instead of five put pairs.
xxx: this incident has entered history under the title "every creature by pair"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №129677
 20.06.2016
well well. Only in life a woman has the right to receive gifts for sex, to be kept, and so on. At least they demand that. There will be equal rights when men will be fed in restaurants for sex, give gifts and keep. And when these two options will meet approximately equally.

You won’t believe how many young guys are now earning just that... Well, how they earn – are on full maintenance with well-off women around the age of 35+, and on very even good such content. Costs are estimated at tens of thousands.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №129676
 20.06.2016
The clothes!

Long and far away. The clowns simply tortured. The battle began with the legs of the beds placed in canned pots with a sunburn. At night, I open my eyes and see a dark spot on the ceiling. On the heat (or hz there on the cha) bugs gather in a pile on the ceiling, and then fall from the top for food.
Freezing does not help, these frogs can fall into anabolic at -70.
The problem was solved by ants. The boy pulled the uterus from the taiga, and behind it the whole brother pulled. Neither in the bakery nor in the bakery. They made them a feed, and they put all the ants in it.)
Where there are ants, there will be no insect by definition. They are fun, working people.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129675
 20.06.2016
This is:

Bring adequate feminists, and the people will draw to you.

Suitable for whom? Pocket and comfortable? Eliminate the fools of MD and VK, the supporters of BBPE, who call women ‘shells’ and ‘flies in meat’, then let’s talk about adequacy.

If women just ignore these BBPE-types, then the problem will be solved in the next generation - these ugly ones just won't give offspring, he-he. Do they want to clean the genome of the species from their garbage DNA? Women, go out to meet them, help them get on the edge of evolution.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №129674
 20.06.2016
20633, mention of a boyfriend / husband - preventive protection from screams "to whom you are so needed, no one will look at you, go and drown, once personal life will never be, impotence you are walking".

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №129673
 20.06.2016
Buying a selfie stick.

You can take pictures of the girls below :)
YYY: How lucky it is. And if the girls have normal guys, then there is a chance for their selfie stick to make a colonoscopy session.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129672
 20.06.2016
Notices about the payment of restaurants: Well, I pay for the restaurant and the movies and concerts to myself and my cavalry. I’m not even 35, but significantly less. And nothing, yet no one of the men was upset by this and did not go to work to earn more and be able to pay for themselves.
I am generally satisfied with this situation: you can not care about the feelings of another, do only what I like and feel superior. Marriage, as you know, is not the case. Yes, I am a cynical man. ))
And among the generation of my mother is full of examples, when the wife bats on the hard work, the family is dragging on itself, and the husband sits on the couch or on the dustless workplace without money, because he is looking for himself.
I agree with the fact that among you, men, houses and prostitutes, there is now more than enough, and before there was enough. It’s just on the internet you’re all like one cool macho with chickens.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129671
 20.06.2016
Shame on God! How angry from year to year you go in the morning in the subway and on the back of the sweat sticky flows because the fox in the car is crazy, and the constant increase in the price of travel for some reason does not lead to the installation of dirty air conditioners in the cars...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №129670
 20.06.2016
Our neighbor was accused that he allegedly shot his brother with a knife. They questioned all the inhabitants of the entrance who heard that evening. The grandmother from the third floor (well, in every entrance there is such a grandmother who knows everything about everyone) immediately confidently stated: no, say, Mishka could not do this. Mouse is good, always greeting!

In general, keep in mind: you say hello to grandmothers - you provide yourself with an alibi for all occasions of life!

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129669
 20.06.2016
I love women because they are women. As soon as feminists start cutting them all under one chest - the penis stops standing, sorry.

The Adorable! Brothers and sisters, we are separating – it’s gone too far. What equal rights, what a struggle against domestic violence, what a reproductive freedom and a culture of consent, why all this, because because of us happened a terrible thing - the man fell the Holy Writing!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №129668
 20.06.2016
Another feature of feminists is strange, but empirical observations suggest that they tend to be rather unattractive.

It’s pretty funny, but my empirical observations have given me an interesting result – if a woman is attractive, a man just doesn’t listen to her, but imagines in his head what character she needs to have in order to be perfect. For example, a woman tells a man that she is not interested in men in general and in marriage in particular, and he climbs without demand into the personal space and weaves her a compliment that if he does not burn out with the current relationship, he will definitely marry her and have children. So they are somewhere nearby.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №129667
 20.06.2016
told a familiar man. They stopped once a chariot loaded with a drunken sleeping man in the stool, who apparently was the driver. The horse was driving on autopilot. The man was lucky to go to the department. The horse and the carriage were sent to the penalty parking lot at the department. They brought her seed and water and left her standing in the shade. The man fell asleep, awakened realized that he was not where he expected to be, stumbled on a difficult fate, received a receipt with a fine and was sent together with the vehicle.

In the words of a familiar. The next day. I stood and smoked on the door of the office. A horse with a wagon enters the gate. In the car, the same man is drunk and sleeping. The horse goes straight to the place where she was fed and drunk yesterday, stands up, and apparently begins to wait for the exchange of her cargo for seed with water)))

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №129666
 20.06.2016
The local therapist says:
He is in a trolleybus, a man comes in and sees him:
Oh Doctor! How about my analyses?
You know you will die.
The man sat there.
How is it? It cannot be!
The doctor says to him:
Don’t ask stupid questions. Do you think I remember you?
The man cried, and he continued in silence.

[ + 31 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129665
 20.06.2016
The entire history of military conflicts can be described as a sadly familiar lohatron:
Old fools persuade young donkeys to die for their interests and ideas.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №129664
 20.06.2016
The story of the cat and his retirement :)
A couple of years ago, a family from a distant Siberian city came to Tenerife... and fell in love with the island. Unable to resist the beauty of the Atlantic, they bought a villa with four hectares of land.
The family moved to the island quickly, the problem was one: a member of the family remained at home - a red cat, who at the time was eight years old, for which he never left the apartment. The cat loved to eat and sleep, sometimes sat on the window and watched the birds, but attempted not even to go up the staircase. The cat was fed, 16-17 kg.
The question arose of moving a family member to the Canary Islands. With this weight, only in the luggage compartment. But this option was not even considered: such a trip the cat could not endure. It is a huge stress not only for the cat, but for the whole family.
There were two options left.
1st Take the cat in the car across Europe, and then a ferry to the island.
2nd Put the cat on a diet.
The father of the family, Sergey, introduced a trip to Europe in the company of a cat and came into terrible horror by one thought about it. The second option was chosen.
In order for the red face to be easier to endure the terrible period of the diet, the man decided to also switch to light food and remove from the diet his favorite sardines and meat.
The cat was crying, cuddling, asking for food, crying... Sergey wrote reports to me every week. If I had received letters not on the internet, I’m sure they would have been blurred with tears and written with a shaking hand :)
A month later, the cat opened the refrigerator and ate a simple cucumbers. The family’s father hugged the cat and cried with him. The cat became more often sitting on the window and dreamed of eating a bird. Every week the veterinarian came and checked the cat’s health. Red, who did not like guests, began to welcome everyone with joy, checking the bags for food. If she didn’t, she put her shoes.
The cat decided: if you target more and more often, the owner will pity him. The veterinarian recommended castration. Sergey thought that the cat was so bad - it was better to tolerate the smell.
11 months of diet. The cat weighed 9 kilograms with a small one. Sergei lost 15 kg.
They booked a cat for a flight, writing a complaint and a detailed letter as he was losing weight to make a trip on board. They asked to pardon and allow the carriage in the cabin of the animal, which together with the carrier at the time weighed 10–10,5 kg. The letter was accompanied by a picture of the unhappy cat. I answered immediately: take it! These are such victims!
In the plane, the cat was given a piece of sausage. Probably, if a cat could speak, he would say it was the most delicious sausage in his life. After hearing the story of a cat who had been on a diet for 11 months, neighbors donated him a sausage from their lunch.
Then the cat came to Finnish. For the first three months, he measured all four hectares of land. He could not believe it was all his and nobody claimed it.
Now the cat is hunting - almost every day brings the owners of a suffocated rabbit. The rabbit prefers to eat cooked, raw tired.
When I come to visit them, a huge red cat (18 kg) meets me and then leads me to the door.
Every time I think, this is the cat’s retirement! Canaries, warmth, four hectares and a villa at his disposal... hopefully he forgot that hellish period of stress.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №129663
 20.06.2016
The mosquito bite a drug addict for two hours thought he was a supersonic fighter.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №129662
 20.06.2016
Durex is banned. Now another manufacturer will push Contextual Advertising.

[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129661
 20.06.2016
Good Holly

What is here, that elsewhere (and on the Internet, and in real) I constantly encounter fighters for rights. Whose rights they just do not defend... The list, I think everyone can make it himself, and it will be a lot.

And at least one fox would say at the same time: "I defend the rights of those and those, but at the same time I understand that there are no rights without duties, and demanding such rights we take on such duties, because it is fair and right."

Let’s start with the believers. We have a secular state, but they have more rights than atheists/agnostics, and the duties are the same. So is?

[ + 18 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129660
 20.06.2016
"Lala, I don’t listen to you, you’re a feminist":

It doesn’t matter what feminism is about if its implementation is shit. Bring adequate feminists, and the people will draw to you.

Inadequate feminists, give god that 1% of their total number be found. When a person tells you - there are problems, and we are trying to fight with them, and your answer - there are fucking people among you, and thus all your movement - shit, then specifically with you to talk about nothing in principle.

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