from ZH:
• Accidentally found myself alone with the TV, watched the domestic series. I finally understood what intonation the actors had. This is the voice of the hostages on the films that al-Qaeda sends to television channels.

Now the posts about inadequate grandmothers are popular, and I remember a story that happened literally recently.

I rent a room in a residential house. And among the inhabitants there is one grandmother, just a miserable, in the real sense of the word. Global conspiracies against humanity, constant screams, screams. Write complaints to all instances. It tired everyone - both tenants and tenants. But in principle, if you agree with her in everything, she just told me what all around the parasites, how she would show everyone and left.

The story of the elderly at home.

This grandmother comes to her and begins extremely motivated, with screams, handshaking and foot-topping to tell that the sanitary workers, who are sitting in the basement of the same house, want to destroy the house. They say they pour water, and it washes the ground under the house. With her, of course, agreed, said that they would definitely deal with and conducted. I went to the sanitary. Everything is okay, they only separate their hands.

She after a short period of time ran to the city administration, to the municipality, to the district. With the same problem. Having a reputation not of the best, I did not get any reaction anywhere. As a result, she took the camera and broke through the battle to the sanitary. took a photo. After that, there were disagreements.

And what do you think? They actually broke the floor in the corner and poured water there from the stands. Regularly and in large quantities. It is not that they poured water out, issuing bills to the residents. It was confirmed that this part of the house had begun to sink.

This is how my grandmother helped the whole house.

In Russia, either the past is heroic, or the future is bright. The present is always terrible.

Another story from television.
They filmed the film "The Love Formula", in particular the scene where Abdulov and Farada sing "Uno Momento".
Alexander Abdulov, of course, is a wonderful artist, but he knew perfectly that neither hearing, nor voice, nor musical education, neither he nor Semen Farada.
He was also a very offensive man.
And when they sang, the entire filming group fell under the chairs because they didn’t get into a single note.
Abdulov rebuked and said (not literally, of course, but the meaning is this):
What fucking thing? If you don’t like the way we sing, then call out normal singers, let them sing behind the frame, and we’ll open our mouths.
This is common practice in the cinema. But Zacharov answered them with an immortal phrase:
You do not understand. Every musical penetration is a film’s luck!
They sing in the movie themselves.

The Titanic sinking. First class passengers are already in the boats. The rest still listen to the captain’s speech that the icebergs are beneficial to the Titans.

No normal person will leave a partner because of the fact that he is voiced weight. Either the roof is not in place, or the reason to use it

Tapped
It is only among my friends and acquaintances there is not a single person who enters the guests, without removing shoes, wearing a swing or snorkeling with one-time socks and the sterility of toilet seats? Or do I live in another universe?

According to Google Chrome, dinosaurs did not disappear because of a meteorite, but because they failed to jump across all the cactus.

Reading is an intimate affair. Interfering in it is as untouchable as in family life.

A. The mirrors

You just want to wander, and once - and the wreath was taken away...

Why don’t humans fly like birds?
And why? Judging by the development of all sorts of controls, robotics, home delivery, virtual reality, etc., it’s not far from the time when people will stop getting up from the couch and wonder – why don’t people walk like all the animals?

The relatives came to us.
Including two nephews. Both are lazy, apathetic and sit a lot on the internet. He showed them his improved sports corner. He made a ten-time lift with a coup and so on.
After a while, I was asked for ginseng. I am proud to be the new Makarenko!! to
In 10 minutes I go to the veranda and they sit and look at the notepad. And the hoodies put on it, just the rope to the roof was lacking...

In the store standing at the box office, I slightly notice in the next row in front of the white-brushed boy of usually informal appearance, from boredom I think that he looks like one acquaintance, only, probably, even younger (and a acquaintance 22 years old).After a couple of minutes at the neighboring box office revival, it turns out that the boy took alcohol, the cashier asked for a passport, and it turned out that the buyer - a woman and she was already thirty years old.

Microsoft bought the company again.
God, they will ruin it!
Don’t forget, it’s LinkedIn.
Oh yeah yes. It will not ruin...

When you open ithappenes, you go six months back in the past.

Only in an unknown way her weight is 67 kg.
At a high height, from 180 and above, it's just great for the girl, even the stock is there)) I remember, in the time of love, up to 65 lost weight, so it's skin and bones, br..

Sometimes men, in their ignorance of some physiological aspects, or under the influence of stereotypes, simply impress their ability to not think and not hear.

There is a meeting on our department, suddenly an agitated colleague (K) who was present at the previous meeting runs in.

Q: Sorry, can I take my laptop? Where is he?
Here is your laptop.
Q: What about the mouse? Where is the mouse?
Here is your mouse.
Where is your mouse carpet? Take it too!
Q: We do not use the carpet.

ZZZ: Is that not the feeling?

XX: Cats invented to feed cows.

But since they do not have hands, they have been taunted for this man.

Once in her youth, she talked to her dad on the topic of how much time women spend on cosmetics.
I: I’m just painting my lips. As long as I am in the elevator.
Q: In 40 seconds? The young man. As a soldier.

I do not yet understand - visually now fashion on phytos, fragile thin twigs for seven years, or even ten left the pictures - they continue to love only individual not very numerous people with such a personal preference. Phytonashs are slim and fat-free, but the muscles are heavier than fat, so they weigh a lot with more or less noticeable growth (plus they have almost always a powerful ass for some reason). And some strange people continue to calculate weight norms so that girls have neither fat nor muscle at all.