bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99513
 21.06.2014
With the word “Europe” everyone represents what is closest and most interesting to him.
Catholics - Catholics, Democrats - Democrats, lawyers - the rule of law, marijuana lovers - cafés in Amsterdam, museum lovers - the Louvre and Prado, antique lovers - ancient temples and medieval castles, and perverted and pedophiles - perverted and pedophiles.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №99512
 21.06.2014
From the listener:

I know why we pay for cold water! They are cooling it!! to
B is : -???! to
A: Well see: in the river the temperature is 21, and in the crane is 14!!! Even the fifth grade students understand that they are cooling!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №99511
 21.06.2014
Most of all, I like to respond with good to evil: gratitude for money.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №99510
 21.06.2014
Workers and Collectors

This is a story of great love and that in the present gift, the main thing is not the cost, but the spiritual work of the donor. You can, for example, give a person a hundred rubles and offend the insignificance of the sum, and you can and vice versa, I was given only twenty copies for my birthday, and at the same time I jumped to the ceiling from the inflated pleasure. The two-wheeled, however, is not simple, but my peer, born in 1967, with the cruiser "Aurora", the coat of arms and all affairs.

But I will no longer test your patience and go to the story itself.

On the weekend, I went to a wedding with old friends and not to a simple wedding, but to a porcelain.
The guests were a man of forty, all honorable and noble, gave mostly porcelain.
I also handed a large porcelain soup, in short, did not lag behind the collective, and late in the evening came, finally, the fifteen-year-old son of the "newlyweds".
He entered the hall, hiding his hands behind his back and a little embarrassed, burned out from the threshold:
“Mom, Dad, I congratulate you on the 20th anniversary of your wedding, live long and happy. Let this gift remind you of what... how... well, in short, here.
And he pulled out from behind his back a small porcelain statue "Workers and the Collective Farm", and on the serpent near the Collective Farm hanged a small cellophane bag with pumpkin seeds.
The guests joked: - "How cute", "That's also fun" "It doesn't matter - what to give, the main thing is to porcelain" "Bite, collective farmers seeds and don't refuse anything to yourself"
And suddenly everyone noticed that the culprits of the celebration hugged and naturally cried, even the one-hundred-pound "bridegroom" teared, and he was a Colonel of the Emergency Ministry, among other things.
There was silence, and the father of the family, wiping the red eyes with his hairy hand, smiled and said:
Thank you, I did not expect. I rejoiced, so I rejoiced.
Dear guests, if anyone doesn’t know, I’ll tell you this story:
Some hundred years ago, I fell from a motorcycle and broke my arm in several places.
Everything is fine, I am recovered, I am lying in the hospital, I miss it.
One day I went out for a walk in the kindergarten - summer, heat, I was in shorts, in a jacket and plaster.
Suddenly I see - a cute girl at the urn stands and self-forgottenly grows the seeds from a large package. The girl’s hand is also in the plaster, but only I have the right hand, and she has the left.
So she puts her whole head in the bag and dive, grabs the seed, grinds and splashes into the urn. Like a pigeon.
I admired this painting, and here, apparently, smoothed - her bag broke in the seam and it all dried up.
And I am a life savior, though with a broken arm, but a savior. He jumped up and quickly attached to her healthy right hand, his healthy left, a quite spacious cradle. So together we went through the whole courtyard into the chamber, as a worker and a collective. Everyone is smiling around, and we go very carefully so that the seeds do not spread.
It’s been twenty years and we’re going...

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №99509
 21.06.2014
Igor Ivanovich Sechin, president of the state oil company "Rosneft", earns five million a day. This is about a bowl of bread, a bag of milk, a dozen eggs and an apartment in Moscow.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №99508
 21.06.2014
I was walking with my daughter in the playground.
A lot of children, parents. The idylly was disturbed by a thick, swollen boy, who ran into the venue with a nervous cry with a crushing voice: "Vika! by Vika! Where is Vika?and "
Of course everyone was interested. His father is confused.
A fat boy runs toward the girl, with the sound of "Chop!", pulls a chop-chop out of her mouth and says, "Well, Vika, I just gave you it for a minute!and "

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №99507
 21.06.2014
by Coolrodion:
How I don’t like when accidentally instead of "OK" or "Cancellation" you press "Help" and further brakes everything.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №99506
 21.06.2014
XXX: 19 of June. and ITAR-TASS
Border engineers of the ISS Oleg Artemiev and Alexander Skvortsov performed the first task of entering open space - installed a block of active phased antenna grid on the service module "Star"... As specified in the CUP, during the installation of the antenna there were small difficulties with fixing one of the three fixing locks. As a result, one of the locks had to be fixed with a regular wire.

Where did they get the wire in the open space?!?! to
Oh yeah, I would have a blue isolant.
The cosmonauts Oleg Artemiev and Alexander Skvortsov began their first outing into open space in their space career on Thursday, at 18.10 Moscow. Both cosmonauts work in modern orlan-MCs, they can be distinguished by blue and red lamps. On Oleg Artemiev, a scapander with blue lamps, on Alexander Skvortsov - with red.

Here is! This is Isolette!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99505
 21.06.2014
Vio3241 20.06.14 at 11:01 pm
by Karl-Ieronim
Clothing for Android:
In such pants always a bunch of pockets of all shapes and sizes. You can customize the colors of the fabric and the strap on the width as you like, you want to leave the standard lightning, you want to hang the shutter lock or to weld everything. Likewise, you can always ask for rum on your jeans from a tank blanket, but don’t be surprised if suddenly going to work in the morning your legs will suddenly be bound by a belt or ropes. Often the pants are completely worn out during the day and if you do not have spare at work, then you will go home without pants.
Clothes for iOS:
Stylish pants with arrows, until recently, were only one standard size, so they either fit you or not. However, the next version is promised to be made in several sizes. The style of the pants can be only one, but you can choose different belts for them in numerous accessories stores. By themselves, the pants can only perform one function: to look good you need to pay $1.99 to remove $3.99 and to open the width will cost you $5.99.
Clothes for Windows Phone:
Sponge Bob would be pleased! They are square. A square waist and trousers, a square width that opens only to the middle. In the official store you can choose from three different belts the one that you like the most. Some say that the pants on WP are very comfortable, probably they just have square legs.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №99504
 21.06.2014
to this:
The xxx:
Write a letter with your right hand.
Hello to you, hand. We consulted with your left-handed merchant here and decided to reveal to you the sad truth. Your shoulders are your adoptive parents.
You are really in your ass."
The wife read out: "And some also have a head - the adoptive daughter of the neck..."

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99503
 21.06.2014
From the reviews of the special about nail lacquer from rubbing:
"It is very bitter. They lubricated the tip of the pencil of the daughter so as not to spoil the bite and pencil.
It would be effective if the daughter did not exchange pencil with the girlfriends...(("

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №99502
 21.06.2014
from Forum 1C

user1: Good morning to everyone! Please help me with this question. In Accounting 8.2 you need to make the user with such permissions that he could create documents but could not delete them. Please tell me where to start?? to

Not bad to start by praying to the gods.


[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99501
 21.06.2014
My husband is not allowed to work with Exel.
Are you sure what you said about "Exel"? Most likely, you said "to work with Exel", which sounded like "to work with Sexel". Madam heard an incomprehensible word, clearly related to sex, and decided to politely refuse, referring to her husband. elementary )

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №99500
 21.06.2014
User Call for Support: Hello! This is Lipetsk! We have a point here, it is not displayed in the line!
I: I don’t understand what line is not displayed?? to
User: Well, the same thing every time! I call you and you don’t understand me!! to

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №99499
 21.06.2014
and what? Shades of gray) Grayscale lines) If desired, you can distinguish ;) I remember for some time in one game on the video console sounded like bullying "red gates mean this, yellow - then, blue - the third", because the TV was staareenky and its standard did not allow to extract a color image from the new console X)

Oh, I remembered how I was playing on the monitor :) There was one toy, I don't remember the name, where in the course of the matter it was necessary to enter a burning dark room and insert some detail there somewhere so that everything didn't explode. But the trick was that there was a red light on a black background in that room. Thus e. on the monitor - black on black. You enter the room and everything, a black screen. and Ura.
It was done exclusively by remembering - to take three steps, to jump up, to stretch, to take two steps, to bend, etc. And the time is limited, in a few minutes everything explodes if you don't have time to insert a detail. And it has passed! Indeed, childhood is the happiest time.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №99498
 21.06.2014
- So, we immediately go to the world market, profit - 100 million by the end of the year, really?
By the end of the year well!
and well. How is it, has it broken up?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №99497
 21.06.2014
Go for lunch and then go for a walk?
YYYYY: No, I need to work.
You have to come here at 9 in the morning so that you don’t work at lunch.)
Yyy: we need to fuck the world championship in Europe to play, not the fuck knows where

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №99496
 21.06.2014
I called a taxi.
He comes, I open the door, oh girl. is good.
Well, there is a little, surprised, but I try not to cuddle and express nothing.
Nevertheless, the girl noticed confusion and tried to squeeze:
Why are you afraid to drive with a woman?
I was so glad I had a nice driver today.
What we talked about next is not important. I take her to the restaurant.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №99495
 21.06.2014
I came across the advertisement "Self-driving cars for adults and children! They are Yedoo, Puky and Trolo. Quality and reliability"

I think it would be necessary for all three manufacturers to unite... the self-driving car brand "Edu Puki Trololo" will blow up the Russian market!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99494
 20.06.2014
It is something! It was written about the sound screwdriver. This is FIGN.
My colleague had a birthday yesterday. We greeted, at lunch on a glass, the envelope was handed over and returned home.
He came today. In blinds, in a light striped suit, glasses without glasses and... with a sound screwdriver! So this fig cosplayer ordered not just a copy, but a universal remote control in the form of this piece. Now the air conditioner in the office, the projector in the hall and the telephone at the boss can produce what he needs. The effect is indelible (given that three people from the entire office know about the character). 35 years of engineering.

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