A long time ago I flew from Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky to Moscow (at that time, the cannons were still flying there). Next to me, a girl was flying to school. They began to spread food, I took chicken with rice, and my companion refused to eat. They flew for a long time, then landed at a gas station in Kemerovo, where they stayed longer than necessary. Then, after taking off, they started feeding again, I picked up the fish, and the girl again refused. He doesn’t want and doesn’t want, it’s his business. And I eat and side-sightedly notice that the girl is looking at my food with hungry eyes. I talked to her at the end of the flight. I ask her, the flight is long, are you on a diet? And she, getting red, admitted that she had no extra money for lunch. You would see her eyes full of pain and disappointment when I told her that food was included in the ticket price.

When the salary allowed (I worked in the RSC), I decided somehow to transfer to Birthdays all pleasant people (friends, friends, relatives) 1000 rubles. This is a relentless financial, and for a person a pleasant addition to congratulations. I’ve been congratulating everyone for two and a half years.

One day I ran and didn’t have time to “happy” Andrew. He didn’t let go, called me and asked where his “stitch” was, because he was counting on it. And yes, if I wonder, then none of them has ever answered the same (although that was not the goal).

“Well, Sir, have you not seen me for a long time, where do you work?

I serve in the FSB.

Tell me something interesting!

About you or about yourself?

I was a hardcore botan with autistic traits in the first three classes: I didn’t communicate with anyone, I knew everything, I went out on any occasion, I was afraid of what wasn’t scary, and so on. I was not liked by my classmates for this, but they did not decide to bully because of the fact that my mother was constantly turning in school, engaged in public activities.

We had work lessons, all kinds of stuff was glued out of plasticine and bars. Well, I decided to stand out and pick up a piece of pollen from the street, on which for two lessons I fixed some composition. I got a fifth, the teacher praised, I threw this pollen into the bag of change and forgot about it. I forgot it because I brought it back to school the next day.

I go to school, take off my jacket, start changing clothes. One of the hooligans runs, pulls off the shoes, and runs away. I am in Aachen. I put on a swing, he returns and begins to irritate, say I threw your shoes into the female sort, botan - go, get it. And it’s worth playing, like, go, beat me, what you’re going to do to me, shit. How wrong he was...

I automatically remove the sack with the sludge, from all my third-class child, and land it precisely in the head of the hooligan. He cried like a sliced pig, fell, bleeding on the floor... And since the elders were pushing here, it was not clear who was kidding him, no one saw it and everything there. I quickly grabbed the straw and ran into the sortry, because I thought I had killed him naked. The pollen is buried in the garbage, this is a healthy tank with mint paper for the most part. Behind the garbage he found his shoes hidden by the hooligans.

He calmed down and came to class without delay. The lesson begins, there is no hooligan, but the portfolio lies - the teacher asks where this duo is worn. Here the door opens, the nurse enters, the hooligan begins: he is all in the blood, the head is cluttered, shakes, roars. Student in the wild: “Where were you? What has He created?” "It's not me, it's the ooooon" and thinks at me, sitting on the first batch, with a finger. "You don't hold me stupid, he is a distinguished and quiet man, he will not hurt the flies. Let’s go, let’s go, with whom I fought,” He again points to me. And I fell into a stupor with fear and sat down with a poker face. “He’s changing laughter.” The puppet takes away from me, there are light blowing boots that weigh nihuya, and very soft... In short, he never believed that I was fucking him.

None of the fucking ones did bother me anymore.

I went to the first class, and my mother gave me 10 cops for my pocket expenses. In front of the school was a cottage, where the dust from the heat sold cakes with cakes. The first time I approached and asked how much it costs, the answer was 5 cops. I made a clever face, put on the shelf 10 cops: “Give me 3 cakes!” The man immediately put the hot cakes in a paper bag and gave it to me, smiling. Time passed, and one day I came and put 10 cops. I asked for two cakes. The seller: “I finally learned to count, good!”

History never ends, it just repeats itself.

I remember doing a physics lab at Physfak, where the result was the definition of e/m electron. I did, put in the formula with the coefficient on the method - there is a mistake on many orders. I come to the underschool (to say, it was Demidovich the younger, the son of the author of the famous textbook on Matan), showing: here, measured, set, there is a fig, and without any options, since the scale of the device is, the extreme values are understandable, and their range from the desired size is still in many orders. Demidovich looked at the device, the formula, the result, said, "Please wait" and left. He returned 15 minutes later joyfully: "I found a journal, according to which the method was prepared - there for calculation the constants took values in different systems, part in SI, part in SGSE." Therefore, he remained silent and added: "In fact, this magazine was already going to be thrown out, methodically not the first decade, and it is curious that until today all students have given this work with plausible figures."

When I have free time, I lie down and rest, and when I don’t have it, I just lie down, but with anxiety.

Working together and resting alone.

As soon as the slot machines with five rubles appeared, my mom sat on them. Father, assessing the scale of the disaster, found and bought such a home. Mom played a few more months and played. The machine was sold for the same price. The family budget is saved.

Jehovah’s Witnesses, when they knocked on the murderer’s door, could only say, “We are witnesses...”

If life has become unbearable, try to endure the rubbish to begin.

We have in Chelyabinsk one interesting internet provider, which started putting smart home phones 5 years ago.
The innovation itself is very convenient and cool: you can open the door from the phone, take a phone call on the home phone, watch the recordings from the home phone camera, etc. In general caffeine.

But someone from the management apparently decided that there is no need to stop on the achievement and that a truly progressive homeophone should be able to speak.

I personally met it this way: Night. I leave the house, I open the entrance door, I come out of the entrance alone. The voice behind me said, “Come back soon.” My point has never played so hard.

But the most cake told me a friend who worked in this same provider. They received a complaint that when they carried the tomb with the deceased during the funeral, the home phon said, "Today you look good."

“We learned that glowing white office paper is harmful to health. It turns out, more invoice paper, it is useful for the human eye.”

Soon it will be revealed that the toilet paper is not all so clear.

I was in the chocolate shop today.

The children wanted cakes with berries and bananas. The waitress suits. We clarify him:

This is the 350R, will it be like in the picture? With the berries?

and no. There will be no berries.

Just a mess?

Not at all. Fruits and berries (blues and strawberries) can be added for an additional fee

For which? by 100r

Does it cost 450R?

and no. It will cost 350r.

– to? ? to ? to

Well without berries it costs 250, and if you add berries - then 350.

I ordered for 350. There are no other options in the menu. Painted with berries and price - 350r

Yes, it is all right.

accepted the order. is leaving. Bringing an order. Cake without berries.

I am sorry. The blue is over.

By chance, I heard a conversation between a little girl and her father:

Dad, let’s have vegetables tomorrow morning!

The cabbage, the mascara! The Oakland!

Xxx: The roads in Novosibirsk are so bad that when ambulance doctors say, “We lost it!” The driver turns around and goes looking for...

Real story: One day in our office came to work a guy, whom I virtually knew at that time of 5 years on one technical forum as an excellent specialist. I recommend him to anyone. All the technical interviews he passes "on hurra", the SB remains (the purest formality in his case). After a while, I’ll find out that the SB has “cut” him. I go there to find out what things are. The employee who conducted the interview explained:

I asked him why he did not serve in the army. He replied, “What should I do there? I don’t know anyone there.” We don’t need such serious people.

Wife: It seems that the street has become cooler, you can open the door to the balcony.

I : Yes.

A couple of minutes.

Wife: I’ve forgotten that men don’t understand the hints, please open the balcony door.

Take a photo of your trousers.

Now I’m wearing cowards.