bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129199
 08.06.2016
It is surprising how many children are afraid of dogs. Dear parents! Meet the kids with dogs. Go to the shelter, to the breeding house, ask a familiar cinematologist or breeder to tell the child about the behavior of dogs. This is very important: it helps children adequately treat dogs, and dogs - to children, serves as an excellent prevention of stress and bites. In the summer in many parks of Moscow are held exhibitions of dogs, go to them with children! At these exhibitions there are only socialized, non-aggressive dogs, they are accompanied by trained people, kinologists, zoopsychologists, who can give advice, and the exhibition is a great place for a first date.

WOW: It is surprising how many women are afraid of drunk hooligans on the dark street. Dear women! Meet your friends with men! Each of you can take your fearful girlfriend by the hand, take her to a decent cafe, to the opening of an exhibition in a gallery of contemporary art, to public readings in a popular bookstore network. There she will see cared for and well-maintained men, will be able to talk to them in a pleasant atmosphere. She will surely understand that they are far from so dangerous and even very fascinating. And if after that she is scared again of the evening humpiness, then she, fool, should.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №129198
 08.06.2016
Christopher Columbus is a miserable loser. He sailed west to India. I found another continent. c) The wheat.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129197
 08.06.2016
No one thought that the dog from the cartoon "Bremens musicians" is a grown up blue puppy

[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129196
 08.06.2016
News: "On Russian ammunition will appear barcode".
Commentary on Shot. The gun flies through the scanner and in the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation: "BIP!!!"... The check goes out.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129195
 08.06.2016
Oleg Ladyshensky: Postmodernism, do you say? Pope Francis, forgive me God?
Even at the institute, fascinated by the work of the director N. Akimov, not on the Internet, but in a patriarchal paper book containing Akimov’s performance developments, I read that Hamlet’s monologues literally copy “Conversations Simply” by Erasmus of Rotterdam. Amendment to the Jamboree. Even the famous image of the flute is taken from “The Praiseword of Stupidity” of the great Erasmus.
and what? and nothing. Even the eternally drunken poet Abu Nuwas was a postmodernist – no matter how postmodernism was called in Baghdad during the time of the caliph of Harun al-Rashid. “I will steal this image from you” is the entire direction of eighth-century Arab poetry (and beyond). Just some steal like geniuses, and others like thieves.

Alexander Karnishin: I crossed up with one writer. Admired by his postmodernism and fun paschals and he was offended - he thought that everything was unique!

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129194
 08.06.2016
In the 10th grade, our class leader told us not to shoot cigarettes at strangers. They can use a cigarette instead of tobacco. It wasn’t the best demotivator.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №129193
 08.06.2016
A car mechanic calls a girl from the regular:

Q: Hi, my car suddenly became powerful and sporty, I’m even afraid to ride it! Come and see, please.

B: Do you have Deu Matisse? Strange, I’ll come here tonight and see.

Half a day he broke his head, what happened to the matizik, came, went, so is - the glue was pierced.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №129192
 08.06.2016
In the year 98 or 99 I had an easy operation under local anesthesia. Before the operation, I did some type of injection (it seemed to be about atropine) so that I wasn’t afraid. When the injection worked, my head went round like a solid portion of alcohol and I really got all the pofig. In the operating room they were told to dress naked, and there are nurses, including youngsters. I have an injection! Away with doubt! I lay down on the operating table, made a local anesthesia and, as I started the operation, the surgeons asked me to tell something, apparently in order to monitor the patient’s condition. I have an injection! And I didn’t come up with anything better than telling all the time, while the operation was going (about half an hour), jokes about bad doctors.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129191
 08.06.2016
From which region is this Mizulina most chosen? Do not chase, call back! She is inadequate.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №129190
 08.06.2016
XXX: He still likes to refer to all sorts of scientists, such as a Nobel laureate in 1957 showed that the earth in space moves in a spiral, revolving around the sun in motion.
XXX: That’s how you read and think, okay, right. You do not hear
A simple calculation suggests that this means that the hair on the ass of African children is curled in the reverse of the hair on the ass of children in the Yamal-Nenets district.
XXX: And you sit and run around just
XXX: Not anything to object - even the hz as a general brain to turn back on after such a sketch

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129189
 08.06.2016
A new way to fight mosquitoes
Turn off the light in the kitchen and open the refrigerator.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129188
 08.06.2016
>> Brother, you won't believe - after marriage - the same! I want to fuck...

> by what principle are you married at all?! to

Choose the most terrible monster, of course. One recently wrote off about something stinking and slippery instead of a partner. And so colorful that I remembered the popular horrors of the 70s.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129187
 08.06.2016
Russia will pay pensions to former Soviet citizens living in Israel.
Well, you stay there...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №129186
 08.06.2016
See also 20533:

The taxi driver must have a taxi meter on. Payment must be taken strictly by the counter.
He is obliged to deliver. If he says that he is not there, let him change (wherever, in any tent or store).
If the taxi driver refuses, call the dispatcher. You can go straight now.
In our case, the complaint to the dispatcher is working on a hurricane. Moreover, if the taxi driver did not turn on the meter or he broke, fell, accidentally turned off, the driver says directly - you can not pay at all.
Do not be afraid to insist on your own and complain. You will have to be less overwhelmed.
Z is. And also, there was a great benefit, a taxi with terminals to pay by card.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129185
 08.06.2016
I watched the show "How it was arranged". It turns out in the backward country of the United States on pedestrian crossings installed LED lamps. If a citizen wants to cross the road in the dark hours of the day, then press a button and light bulbs on the road sign and along the perimeter of the pedestrian crossing. The primitive society. It is necessary to punish the poor for not having reflective blankets on their clothes.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №129184
 08.06.2016
According to the principle of "with this lady so ohuenno", but nobody guarantees that after the stamp, the ohuenity settings will not fly.

From life with fools fly not only adjustments
Both are to blame.
Not just a grandmother.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129183
 08.06.2016
In the attachment...
Fuck my fuck.
The country of old women and wool.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №129182
 08.06.2016
Cat riding on robot vacuum cleaners? ha ha! She pulls out her socks from the closet and drops them on the floor. Clara Zacharovna is pressed by them and mourns complainingly, and the cat rolls next to the view of the winner.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №129181
 08.06.2016
Discussion in the blog of new spacious seats in the airline cabin for first-class passengers.

xxx: It would be better to develop VIP rescue seats, according to the type of fighter, looking over the years, the technology would be cheaper and similar seats began to be put on ordinary passengers.
YYY: For the start, you can complete the parachutes already starting.
zzz: It’s all been wasted and calculated for a long time, not profitable. It makes flights safer.
YYY: So this is not for profit, but for the pleasure of packs. Compared to the cost and volume of this luxury - in general, the parachute is small.
zzz: The problem is that throwing out two dozen parachutes from a crashing aircraft is a non-trivial task.
YYY: And why throw them away?! This is for reassurance.
ZZZ is 5+! cynicism above all. =)))) They can still be glued for reliability.
YYY: Of course to stick. So that the packs from the lower classes are not taken away from the VIPs.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129180
 08.06.2016
I go with the boss on the street.
The boss, looking at the young trees:
Look at the three youths! (The tree is silver, the tree is silver)
A drunk voice from the bushes:
Where did you see the third?! to

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