bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №114053
 28.05.2015
I was so well educated that after watching the movie "Teleport" I thought what I would do if I had such abilities... So, I would open an international delivery service and demand very good money for my work, in parallel - the rescue service. And time would be enough. Legal and profitable.
While my friends shared their options:
They would rob banks.
I would go to all movie shows and closed parties.
They would eat for free what they wanted, and then just teleported from the toilet home, etc.

You won’t believe, I thought about this one hour ago. Only I thought of the stationary devices and the fact that every caveat of customs and visa departments would immediately stand on the dust. The company must also be a secret.

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114052
 28.05.2015
The whole essence of education reform in two examples:
1998 year.by :
I swear to my father to go to the store for bread.
“Son, can you count me?
Father, I am studying in second grade!
2015 year.by :
I swear that my son will go to the store for bread.
What if I was fooled? I only study in second grade.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114051
 28.05.2015
The first step should be taken, okay. The question is, what are the boundaries of this step, what is its beginning and its end?
====== is
You need to get acquainted first.
Talk and find common topics.
Planning a next meeting to exchange contacts.
If she agrees to move on, it will be seen. If you are opposed, stay back.
You just don’t need to catch your hands right away, and even more to offer sex.
You can bring something small, like flowers or candy.
Help as much as possible (bring a bag, offer an umbrella).
Like children in the sandbox.
Let’s make friends? She shakes you on the head.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114050
 28.05.2015
We were talking about nominal unemployed people, i.e. just not paying any taxes, but possessing the transport of the elite class.
Buying legally does not mean paying taxes on the income from which it is purchased: a declaration and a certificate of the legal origin of funds are not required to provide. Moreover, the doping of these expensive cars runs on transit or with purchased "deposit", i.e. all taxes and fees have never been paid.
and----
And to fight this evil decided by taxing the unemployed?
And the authors did not get into the intersectional ganglion, that the paper is "plated", or the contract " works as an incoming carpenter, wipes out the dust on High Thursday", they will buy, as they bought a bargain? Do not deceive yourself. The unemployed will pay, the unemployed will pay. Those who pretend to be unemployed will pretend to be low-income or have paid a fee, if desired.
I would like to introduce a disability tax. The people bought the certificates.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №114049
 28.05.2015
The next step should be regular checks on the moral appearance of teachers.
Now, every five years, their knowledge is checked, and it is equally important to check morality. Is the teacher a pedophile? Is he a sectarian? Is he doing magic? This should be checked on the polygraph."

Meeting of the Commission of the Public Chamber of the Russian Federation on the Development of Science and Education.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №114048
 28.05.2015
I sit with a friend in a cafe. She tells me to order Carbonara paste, said there in the sauce a raw egg and you can get Salmonella. I explain that if the shell is thoroughly washed (preferably with soap), Salmonella is not scary.
My girlfriend is naive! Do you think they’re going to shake up here?
I: We will ask now!
And I ask the waitress who approached the question, all the genius of which I realized only by arranging the phrase and seeing the round eyes of the flattering girl:
Q: Do you eat eggs?? to

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №114047
 28.05.2015
If your daughter told you as a child that she would marry only her father, know how you became a father.
**********************************************************
I heard this from my daughter, a brother-in-law and a cousin.
I look at my son with concern.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №114046
 28.05.2015
Also from personal:
From personal experience:

The real man is not "The man said - the man did", and "The man has not even said, but has already done".
+ and +

It’s either a dumb man, or the man did it, and then for another ten years he tells everyone what he did.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №114045
 28.05.2015
The fucking. I put in the new apartment a Chinese miracle shower cabin with lighting, radio and blueberry, and now I am afraid to wash in it, so that the humidity does not shorten and the current does not kill me.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №114044
 28.05.2015
xxx: a voice in the head "bezdvozmezddnO" (c) Sova
This is very important....

It is non-a-avial.
Pra-a-Avilno - "Free to go. This is a gift".

The outlet.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №114043
 28.05.2015
"The Russian river Dnieper originates in Smolensk, and through the territory of Ukraine flows by transit".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №114042
 28.05.2015
This intellectual

"There is the word quarter, and there is quarter. In the second case, this part of the street is limited by crossings, in the first - the calculation period of three months.

You at least stumbled first for interest before exposing yourself to laughter. In both meanings, this word is pronounced with emphasis exclusively on the second slang.


[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114041
 28.05.2015
This is an accounting slang, the same as a conversation! And right - quarteral, emphasis on the 2nd slang.
and...
And for us, for the words of talk, the walk, the preeds were almost fisted with the fists. One oral was too long for us to either learn to speak correctly or go to the village from which we came.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №114040
 28.05.2015
I sell my apartment with my son.
In the list of owners.
What to Write a Child
Born faster

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №114039
 28.05.2015
The chicken is in the refrigerator, can you keep it until I come?
Yyy: Can you eat meat

[ + 17 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №114038
 28.05.2015
XXX is
Today was the worst fear.
I open the diploma – I see a white sheet, and the runner is like a single sheet.
Panic, panic and panic!! to
...and then Ward walked over and loaded it all.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №114037
 28.05.2015
Once upon a time in a video tutorial on administering Linux I heard the phrase “Mr. Raiser developed a pretty good file system and then killed his wife.” Whether this is related to Linux - it is not known, but a fact." Now I sit here, I try to install a Debian in the tablet instead of an Android and I notice that a fly is flying around the room. one one. He hanged a tape. One flies clinged and the second immediately appeared. The second came, and the third came. and so on. There is always a flying flies in the room. Whether this is related to Linux is not known, but a fact.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №114036
 28.05.2015
The Day of Protection of Children:
If your daughter told you as a child that she would marry only her father, know how you became a father.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №114035
 28.05.2015
He has water, therefore, all year round, neither in summer nor in winter, only in strangers in the well for Christ's sake, and at home - on holidays, and it can end at any time, and the internet, therefore, in his 65-thousand township spent. To be honest, the joy of the rare availability of this water is questionable. Here it is not necessary to appreciate what is, but to cry every day of hopelessness and condemnation, from the fact that you can't drop out of this hell hole, from the fact that the woman loved suffers and a small child. And so will be for the rest of their lives.
Man, are you not afraid? That’s the fuck you live there.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №114034
 28.05.2015
XXX: Put the halva in the refrigerator.
YYU : Why? It won’t go wrong if you put it on the table.
If you do not leave it on the table, it will evaporate.

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