bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99073
 11.06.2014
A German auditor came to us at the branch of a Canadian company. In addition to me, no one speaks German, and I know only a few dozen words. But nevertheless, the German, who had to spend two weeks in our small northern town, became very revitalized when he heard his native speech, and we with him passed a couple of phrases on the Deutsche Bank. At the end of our conversation, he asked me how I knew German.

And someday he immediately drowned and lost the initiative when I told him that in German I speak only because I almost know the text of all the songs of Rammstein)))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №99072
 11.06.2014
XXX: I am sitting at work
XXX: Every millimeter of the working comp is angry with me here
XXX: Everything is not comfortable and curved
XXX: especially the keyboard
XXX: The keyboard
XXX: Coaching
XXX is fucking! It is angry!!! to

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99071
 11.06.2014
I went to my classmate’s website and there:
- "how to lose weight lying", valuable advice for lazy, in general.
I write to her:"Advise me better how to make money lying down!"
Suddenly I realized that such a job exists. Removed the comment.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99070
 11.06.2014
Previously, the office plankton and pregnant / breastfeeding ladies were sitting on Vkontakte and babyblogs... Barbed barbs, please go back to the resources and drive this smoking / non-smoking, child-educating bark.
The Cat. Schroeder, further on the text...

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99069
 11.06.2014
From Habr. From discussing flexible displays.

xxx: Per for phones/tablets this is unnecessary. I agree that the resource for bending will be sensational. Here are the prospective areas:
- curtains / blinds / interior and so on.and ;
and clothes;
and advertising (including installation in plastic elements of arbitrary form);

Tagged: video leakage

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №99068
 11.06.2014
This is:

"If the responsibilities of the administrator really included the training of users, then it would be taught in pedagogical."

I work as an admin, 2 diplomas, one in IT and one pedagogical! How I help others communicate with users! Thank you, even the actual Soviet education. And to educate young people after institutions and pensioners. I do not regret studying as a teacher. (In Russian, there was a fourth with a minus, I apologize for the sloppy)

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99067
 10.06.2014
Andrey: Have you already gone to work?
Anna: No, I decided I was a girl made for love for a while
Andrey: Do you really don’t need the straps? O_O

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99066
 10.06.2014
Mad in Sadness
shiva1: watts ap, doc?
Mad: Yesterday hanged the server closet at home. The server does not enter. It goes in, but by the side.
Mad: now you have to somehow convince your wife that the closet with a depth of 400mm will look no worse than 350
Shiva1 is I need a new closet. Nothing enters this!
Shiva1: A great revenge for the entire male race
Shiva1: the dish
Shiva1: You already have a computer. Why do you need one more?
You do not understand! This is not a computer, it is a server.
Do you have a server?
This is an old server, and it doesn’t even get into the closet.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №99065
 10.06.2014

Oh wow, where are you there?
Forgive me fucking. Me here Paška gave a flash and asked to print his course while the print was read.
Abbott: What kind of stuff?
rsoft: from the Department of Thermodynamics
Abid: Aaa...
Habit: Fuu thermodynamics... the science of how to spoil the air, their whole goal is to build a combustion engine and burn more.
Rsoft: Yeah, what do you want from me?
Abby: Have you forgotten? Close this heresy, turn off the computer and come to me.
rsoft: okay, 10 minutes, here are two sheets left with conclusions to read, the most interesting
ABAB: What is the topic?
rsoft: Physical aspects of self-innovation
O_O capture this flash

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №99064
 10.06.2014
xxx: In my opinion, the most developing toy for the child is a closed closet that the mom doesn’t allow to touch and where the “cool stuff” lies. It is :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №99063
 10.06.2014
If somebody notices a fool who has written half of Moscow with shit hieroglyphs (a flat marker with a width of one and a half centimeters) - kill him naked! Honestly, I have already...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №99062
 10.06.2014
Because of the lack of light today without a hairstyle and almost without makeup and I have a bad habit of throwing the little stuff on the bag so that it then has to look for a very long time. Big bills are enough.
I’m in the bus, in front of a man with a bombarded look. I begin to look for the little things. I crawl through the entire bag. I found half a penny. I don’t like changing on the bus. I found. After a few stops, he looks like an oligarch to me. I do not understand anything. I try to return. He tells me, I see you have a problem with money.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №99061
 10.06.2014
This is:
Looking for where to make a T-shirt with the inscription, found a popular site. You send a description of the shirt and wait for a response. I sent it yesterday, and the answer came as follows:
Hi Alexey.
This will cost 220,000.
You can make an order at our office.
tk. Prepaid payment is required.
Time of manufacture is 1-2 working days.
With respect...
Deputy Director
I wonder what exactly did they hide in?
In price, terms, advance payment or what they answered 2 and a half days.
By the way, by that point I already bought a T-shirt that was made straight with me in 10 minutes and cheaper more than 220 times =))
— — — —
I apologize, but the website was not Belarusian. and then just 220,000 of their rubles is approximately our 800, quite an adequate price

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99060
 10.06.2014
But shake asthmatics as a flag against smoking is not necessary. Thousands of us smoking and with inhalers"

They are also proud of this.I hate the phrase that no country can be won, but there are just no words :)

As an oncologist I will say, smoke more, we need patients :)

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №99059
 10.06.2014
Something in our yard the old asphalt removed and silence. Could the new setup not come out at all?
Yyy: You’ve complained that the asphalt in the yard is bad, you don’t like it.
XXX: What is it?
It was removed so as not to rise.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №99058
 10.06.2014
Gal: I went to the cinema for a 3D movie. Next to me was a couple of guys with a girlfriend, apparently the first time they came to a 3D movie. Sit down and wear glasses. Before the movie started to spin ads, not 3D. And the girl, sitting next to her, freezed, she will take off her glasses, then wipe them out, then she will whisper that her glasses were bad. Eventually, he says to his boyfriend: “What I have bad glasses, give me yours... And when they change the glasses, a 3D movie begins.” She put on her glasses and said:
Now it is 3D!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99057
 10.06.2014
In Russian series there is one typical pattern that carries the brain constantly.
First show how the main characters of all kinds of super-popper intelligence services shoot in a tirade, where they will unforcedly put all the bullets in the tenth. And then play scenes of shooting, where the same soldiers from 10 meters can not even get in the back, releasing 24 shots.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99056
 10.06.2014
What was the bite yesterday?
To Shurik the little came three goops to understand. The kind of foolishness they have in the rainbow with their girls.
He is healthy, but three is three.
You have not seen his family. Everyone thinks it's called Little in a joke, because 180 is the height and the weight of a hundred. So he is really small in the family: his older brother is under two meters, and his father is even lower but has a specific weight. Those three idiots with the little brother were enough.
Three fucking rich people :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №99055
 10.06.2014
Maximum
I want to record my defense on video.
Camera to put
The light
All affairs
Lera
Right :3 I watched my sister protect herself
Maximum
And how she? Have you gotten off a little stress?
Lera
I’m 27 and I think I’ve gotten away a bit.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №99054
 10.06.2014
<...>I answer you as a smoking asthmatic who has at least a dozen of the same smoking asthmatics in his immediate environment<>

A bunch of dwarfs, honest word.

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