- Stephens, you received a message from your neighbors. They write that yesterday you drank, boasted and mocked in Russian!
Stirlitz silently takes a piece of paper and writes a reply:
The SS Group Chief Henry Mueller. My neighbors know Russian and, especially suspiciously, understand non-normative Russian vocabulary!“”

XXX: My family has three children. Two from me and one from my sister.

The Paradox.
With age, there are fewer and fewer teeth, but more and more people have teeth.

It was in student years.
He went as an assistant along with a lawyer to the trials.

A married couple is divorced.
He has a big business and earns well.
He is calm, I see he is caring. The couple has three children, 12, 7 and 3 years old. The husband read the correspondence of his wife with his lover, realized that he was taught horns and the last child was not from him. An application for divorce.
For two children, the husband was willing to pay alimony, well, and with all his strength asked his wife to do without a scandal.
My wife could not. With the words - "...you still doubt, then there will be a DNA test for all children, let you be ashamed" the petition for the examination was filed.

At the final hearing, the judge examined the DNA test results with round eyes, and the slightly upset wife said the winged phrase - "Well, I thought the other two were exactly from him, where do I now look for their fathers?"

The German government has called for the reduction of energy consumption for heating open private swimming pools. Unfortunate Germans, they proved... We have no such thing in Russia and it will never be! We have no problems with gas and electricity.
What is an open private pool?

A colleague told me this story, then in his words and on his behalf:

“I was sent on a business trip to a distant regional center. I am flying. I catch a taxi at the airport. It is a strong Caucasian middle-aged horse. The case is closer to the evening. It is dark. In the endless forest. We go quietly. According to my calculations, we walked half the way to the city. The driver asks spontaneously with a quiet voice:

Are you going to IBAT?

I was confused, and a little frightened, I didn't understand who would be "habit": he me or I him, but in any case, answered affirmatively.

A few kilometers later, a taxi driver stumbled onto a gas station, where the priests of love waited. from the heart. We offer night butterflies. I came back a little and polently refused.

"Well, it is right, let these bladey ibats - when leaving the gas station, the driver observed."

We went on a ride along the Black Sea coast. Although we live in Sochi, but wanted to travel to Anapa while stopping in car campings. I got corn on the road. Along the road, the grandmothers are standing. On the tables are hot corn. We stopped next to one of my grandmothers and I went shopping. The further dialogue:

I said: “Hello! “Sell me five pieces of corn.”

B: “Daughter, do you want to fuck?“..

I am in a slight shock.

I said, “I want to eat...”

B is joking.“..

My poor fantasy draws the plot as corn jokes with a thistle... It begins to stifle laughter, I rise already in the voice and I only ask for 5 pieces of corn)))))

Grandma finally stretches the corn to me, with her mouth stretching in an absolutely teethless smile from which Mona Lisa nervously smokes behind the barrel. Then he stretches me a bowl of salt and says, “Daughter, joke shame!”

I’ve never been so embarrassing and funny at the same time 😉

It is said that alcohol in small doses is even useful. But where do they get those small doses?

I have a friend who is not a physicist, but who works with people in one of the gold-billion countries. and here.
------------
The poor Philippine secretary has experienced a cultural shock today.

From the morning came a 48-year-old Oriental aunt, brightly expressed such an Oriental, with the name Lee, with a bad English. And from the first phrase moved with me in Russian, (type, undoubtedly native accent heard). She was a Korean who arrived from Tashkent 3 years ago. She talked to me for 20 minutes about her problems (not medical - about trying to find a job, I connected her with the right people), waved a pen and left a surprised Filipino woman to find out why this Russian looks like a Chinese woman.

Directly following her came a low, tightly shattered basmach with a shaved head named Parva Nujaylmohamed, 30 years old. The Chor. English, but with an accent - and, of course, from the second phrase moved with me to my native (and point. The intelligent Russian. He was Tajik, brought by his parents from Dushanbe in 2006. In the course of the case, he said, "I came at 15, it was very hard. We went into a Russian company and the next 5 years everything went in Russian, English has already been learned by adults.

I say, how did you study in school?

So I studied. Then again I had to repeat 11-12 classes in the evening, yes, we Russians from the company all the way, and Uzbek, and Kazakh, and Armenian we had.
Universe is finished?
A year ago.

The Philippines asked for an explanation. I have tried. On the way, he said that ethnic Russians are most often blond/light castan with blue/grey eyes and a round face. She looked at my face carefully and coughed with doubt. I told him that he was not an ethnic Russian. She cautiously asked – and ethnic Russians are many?

I said yes.

And here came a Czech by the name of Ulrich and Peter, he had been with me before. With a height of 2 meters and a more classical square Czech mouth. And he said to me, “Hello! How do you live?” I answered – well, thank you! and the Filipino gently repeated "good" - this word she already knew how to pronounce (even before me)

On the departure of Peter asked - he is also from the Soviet Union? I answered – no. I thought about how to explain.

After 2 o'clock, there was no surprise, and then a young economist from Kenya, cheerful black as a booth, ran from the second floor and burned out - hello! How to do? - Okay, - said the Filipino gently speaking the sounds. And he asked us both, is he also from the Soviet Union? The resident rattled and that not, but his grandmother from there, the friendship of the peoples, the grandfather's study in Leningrad / SP and sang the song "solar circle, sky around." An old Romanian Jew, sitting waiting for documents, sang with enthusiasm and that he once read well in Russian and wrote magazines Young Guard and Contemporary.

It rose and multiplied.

The situation became unbelievable in the eyes. In my head came the phrase, “This is me, the Postman Pechkin, who brought a package from your boy.”

And yet - well, give up to them this Ukraine, to spit all the polymers...

Does the prospect of conflict with power not scare you?
It scares. But the alternative to being hated scares me even more.

Look, the girl in front of me has the same loins as me!

Yes, but your flowers are bigger

Yesterday friends, husband and wife, friends from school. I hear music, I hear that they took a little on the chest, joyfully hanging in the tube together, well, obviously, they are happy.



And here we are discussing children, work, promoted-no-payed, Johnson's resignation, go-to-nams-on vacation... and my brain is trying to understand what they are celebrating there so from the heart, maybe I missed a day of snack or stunned at work the red day of the calendar did not notice. After an hour I could not stand, “What are you noting there?”



Do we mark? The children went to the summer camp.

I met my girlfriend last year, came to her home for the first time and she showed that she had a similar problem with the microwave.I, as a true gentleman, called for help, broke the inet, diagnosed with the replacement of the saliva plate. I bought a plate, the girl is delighted, this is what savings - the plate only costs 200 rubles. In short, I accelerate the story-the people stood in an uncomfortable place and I can’t see how to put it. They put the girl’s phone inside with the light on. Started the control launch! There is no fever. Only then the smoke went and the phone came fucking, which I forgot to pull out. The shorter sluddy costs 250 rubles, and its honour is 18000. She was ashamed even though she didn’t say anything. This is shit, little girl.

If you think about it, it’s not all that bad. If you don’t think about it, then everything is fine.

When I was a kid, my grandmother always drove to a sanatorium or a resort. My grandfather watched the farm. I promised myself that when I grew up, I would send him on a journey. I grew up and started earning well. My grandfather had a birthday and I gave him a ticket. I had never seen him cry before. Now the whole family is angry at me that I gave the passport not to my grandmother, but to my grandfather, because my grandmother loves me so much. Grandpa picked up a suitcase.

In war, politicians give arms, the rich give food, and the poor give their children. When the war is over, politicians shake hands, the rich raise food prices, and the poor look for the graves of their children.

Xxx: I get fat so no one wants to divorce me for sex and break my heart.

On the stage of the theatre of military action, someone supplies expensive items, and someone supplies cheap actors of mass scenes.

The piano was inherited from my grandmother. I decided to sell it on the aircraft. I waited a long time, no call.
And suddenly they call, “Have you sold the piano?”
I answer that not yet.
And in response, “I sold it” and put on the phone.

In the list of unfriendly countries it remains to add its own. Then the meaning of the decisions made will be clear to everyone.