bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №121633
 11.12.2015
aaa: I believe that PBX in call centers needs a fit: if the client is listening to music for more than two minutes, the ship's whistle is turned on in the room, and a half-meter dildo is raised from each chair.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121632
 11.12.2015
I remember in a children's camp, in the 90s, one boy in the middle of the night jumped up with screams, pressed his hand to the wall with all his body and kissed her. We were all scared not to joke. Then he slept quietly. In the morning, I asked him what happened. He told him that he laid off his hand and did not feel it, and when he turned over, it was under him and he thought that there was something cold, strange, extended shape in the bed and joked not for a joke, jumped out of the bed, and she was behind him, he thought that some sort of creature like a worm and let her lump. Only after 5-6 strikes realized what it was about.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121631
 11.12.2015
From the discussion of the "smart soul" that saves water

Diamond: In Germany suddenly decided to save water.
They conducted a corresponding explanatory campaign, hung everywhere “social advertising” that water should be saved, brought to the stores “smart” buttons to regulate the amount of washed water in the toilets, shower heads with smaller holes, economical washing machines and dishwashers, etc.
People really began to save water, water consumption decreased several times.
Later it turned out that the water used by economical consumers is not enough for the normal functioning of sewerage and treatment facilities, and it is necessary to specially pour the missing volumes of drinking water into the sewerage.
And, yes, although people began to save water, in monetary terms, savings did not show themselves, as tariffs increased accordingly - the cost of water in the final price for the consumer took a small share.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121630
 11.12.2015
I’m scratching from this capital, and from these bosses xD

[i]"Free access to the Internet makes visiting the cemetery more convenient and, in particular, will be educational."[/i] © head of the GBU "Ritual" Artem Ekimov, Moscow, 2016.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121629
 10.12.2015
There will be free Wi-Fi on some cemeteries in Moscow

No, you did not understand. This is also the preparation for the total application on the tombs of some of the all-known icons! The QR Codes. Bring to him the video camera of the gadget - and get acquainted with both the biography of the deceased and his genealogy tree. Immediately a pop-up menu from Google or the ubiquitous Yandex da Millra: "...And in... meters from here there is a grave of his relatives...(names)...Place the way to it?". Or: "Do you want to leave your epitaphia on the cemetery page in social networks?", "Do you want to order a worship at the temple of the confession of the deceased (pay online)?".

We are waiting for bloody clashes between the nearby clergy offices of ritual services. The exclusive right to apply QR codes on a cemetery. The words "QR-bomz" (who has no code on the grave) will appear. As well as the professions "necro-QR-manager", "QR-necro-merchandiser" and the business industry "necro-QR-franchise".

Nikita M. Don’t tell me anything. Otherwise, he will declare all surfaces of all the tombs of the country as pure media carriers. Each QR code automatically increases the price by 1%.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №121628
 10.12.2015
Called on the agenda about yesterday's verbal mess with a neighbor - Alkash. He filed a complaint with the police for threats against me. In full seriousness arranged an interrogation, forced to write an explanation. Showing a statement from the "victim" In the statement, black on white: “With numerous witnesses I have repeatedly threatened to hand me over to the police for smoking and noise on the staircase.” Where does this world go...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121627
 10.12.2015
Mommy (pensioner) with a friend (one of her peers, from the first class were sitting on the same side) gathered together to go to the sanatorium. A few days before departure, the trip was cancelled. I ask my mom why, she tells me: Aunt Marina (low, lean and mobile, despite her age) used to change the light bulb at the country. As he went down, he climbed the staircase and fell. No, the twisted leg of the frog would have passed quickly, but her son, a student-graduate student of two-and-a-half dimensions, ran to help and accidentally stumbled onto the victim from the top all the stumbling and fell next to him. In general, the aunt is already running, and Wolf's right arm is broken with displacement, needs care.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121626
 10.12.2015
Under the image with the jeep, which overlayed the exit from the parade, comment:
Long live the parkour! And I will only go on, and go on!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121625
 10.12.2015
My cousin called me and complained that they had a porn virus on their computer. I myself am never a programmer, not an enikey, but in such little things any experienced user understands. That’s why she invited me to visit.



I go home to them. Starting from the threshold. She says she came after work a few hours earlier and immediately went into the room with her son (13 years old), and on the monitor a porn site. My son was in the bathroom at that time. When he got out of the bathroom, I asked him what porn was. He replied that he caught a virus and so took a shower before coming home to me to solve the problem.



So a cousin forbade his son to go to the computer so he didn’t do anything and called me.



I enter the room. I look in the monitor, and there in the private tab is opened pornhub. Somehow he kept his smile. I looked seriously at the screen. I said I would remove the virus. The two-born nephew immediately relaxed and left the room.



My sister made tea and fed me. They sat and talked. And then, in the evening, my nephew came home and gave me three big KitKata. I was so grateful that I did not give him up. I talked to him that he’t get into that again and said goodbye.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121624
 10.12.2015
At night the snow fell, I stand in the morning cleaning the car and I feel someone’s look on me. I get into the car and there is a trick in the window. She said to me, “Who is going to clean up the snow that you put on here?” What did she want to hear from me?

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121623
 10.12.2015
Today, my younger brother asked me to go through it so that he didn’t grow up, because: “Adults have a lot of trouble!” Chess and Mat.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121622
 10.12.2015
Caesarean section - 15 minutes;
Removal of appendicitis - 30 minutes;
Aortic coronary heart shunt - 4 hours;
I went to the hairdresser for 4.5 hours.

include in the first three poshn postoperative rehabilitation time :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121621
 10.12.2015
Tatiana: I booked a message "Tatiana, Nuremberg is waiting for you". For what? 8 to 0
Sergey: It’s because I looked at the hotels there yesterday.
Tatiana: And I thought everything, the court!
Sergey : :-)

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121620
 10.12.2015
If the scientists were doctors...
Hello Doctor? Come here urgently. I am bad. very very. I do not know how. You are a doctor, not me.
I will be there soon, try not to lose consciousness.
At the arrival.
What do you have? Give me a hand, I feel the pulse. Yes yes yes. Hm Eight of...
thank you! I feel great now!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121619
 10.12.2015
They are completely costly! c) WBLN

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121618
 10.12.2015
Fully 4

Walked in the subway, soaked a couple of dozen gangsters. One had a toy truck in his pocket, another had a plush mouse.

They are the wrong gangsters.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121617
 10.12.2015
see - that you have a screenshot with geeporno presented and with a wolf ticket fired, it is legal.

And if you were shown a video from a camera in the office, where you’re screaming this gay porn during working hours – and you’re fired – it’s also legal.

Well, if you were presented just gay porn in which you are in some role, but in non-working hours - it is illegal.

Although, if you work in a gay porn studio, then the matter can play with new colors.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121616
 10.12.2015
Milla, 15 years already as the 21st century, and in the toilet at work today, soap was sprinkled. I hate.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121615
 10.12.2015
You are a doctor! You swear the oath.
YYY: Okay you are right. I will go and burn the Temple of Christ the Savior.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121614
 10.12.2015
My wife is divorced and I see my 5-year-old son once a week. And today, while we were walking with him, this miracle asked me, "Daddy, why does Mom want to get stuck in your bite?" The MDA. The divorce decision was correct.

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