bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №98613
 30.05.2014
I walk with a 10-year-old daughter, during a conversation I find out about a bad assessment and hit her...
Why are you silent?! The answer killed: Mom, wait, I haven’t invented the revenge yet.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №98612
 30.05.2014
Questions to the Auditor:
Can an employee be fired if he returns from the hospital?
O_O

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98611
 30.05.2014
My pregnancy took place in the USSR. No such fantasies arose - the cabbage splashed into the banks, the straw crumbled, the smell of peelings liked it. Then oranges were available for 2 months a year, and we didn’t know about kiwi. I’m not saying it’s good, I’m not nostalgic. But do you not think that the desires of current pregnant women are due to the abundance of products and the 24-hour shops?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №98610
 30.05.2014
Sanya is one of those people about whom one can say that this man is the shit of his own happiness.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №98609
 30.05.2014
to this:

Post title "Unbelievably realistic rolled cats".

I was scared when I read the book.
____________________
"(from the ad): Bring your cat to us, we will photograph it in the showroom, and you will get a 25% discount."

I read "In Shaurma" for the first time.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №98608
 30.05.2014
You do not need to print striking pictures on packages of cigarettes..... It is enough to write; - "The proceeds will go to the salary of Deputies!!!!!!!!Half the world will quit smoking!!!! to

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №98607
 30.05.2014
The news. The possible cause of the fall of the Proton is sabotage. The commentary. Not sabotage but diversion. Navalny replaced the holy water, with which the father drank Proton, with the water supply.

[ + 37 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98606
 30.05.2014
From the New Building Forum. Discussion of a new residential complex
XHHH: By the way, yes, this is the biggest minus of this object, view of the cemetery (
Why a minus? It calms, reminds me of eternity. When you die, take it away. You can not even spend on a catwalk, just bring it on a wheelchair. The dead do not make noise under the windows, they do not hooliganize in the entrances. Again, the cemetery = sweets and biscuits. It is beneficial in all respects.

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98605
 30.05.2014
of advertising. Electricity Saving Box. Savings up to 50%. You need to insert the device in the nearest socket to the counter. It costs 1799 rubles.

Principle of action: Electricity savings are achieved by improving and normalizing the structure of the electric flow, dynamic absorption or release of reactive power, reducing resistance losses, eliminating voltage jumps in the network.

The Pizzeria. Although,, the guys have a mission - to punish those who have badly taught physics?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №98604
 30.05.2014
Ukrainians who left Crimea because of the establishment of Russian control over the peninsula were offered to settle in the building of a psychiatric hospital near Kiev.

And really.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №98603
 30.05.2014
Intelligence is when, after hearing a snort during his lecture, the professor begins to speak quieter.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №98602
 30.05.2014
Well, once such a “spiritual” topic went on...
April of 45. and Germany. My grandfather is 46 years old. Civil has passed.
On the front from the autumn of 41. Commander of a separate squadron.
The squadron woke up for the night in some hutor. There are no owners. They escaped.
The soldiers found a locked door in the basement. And there are salts, cork-collars. And a 20-litre bottle with a sharp smell of liquid.
My grandfather smelled something wrong. “He” does not smell like that. Drinking is prohibited.
arranged for bed.
At night, someone did not endure, stood up quietly, attached to the bottle. The clock, it turns out, also blasted in the bottle before leaving. “For the heat.”

Eight bodies in the morning. There was methyl alcohol in the bottle.
Grandpa in court. 8 years of camp. A year for each.

Standing at the headquarters. Without a belt, but with a convoy. Waiting for the car in the rear and further by stage.
Comedy arrives at Willis. Grandfather under his beginning from the 41, when he was still a combat.
I found out.
What are you here?
Yes, this is the case.
Noah, I guess...
I talked to the bosses. They change the grandfather 8 years of camps for 3 months of penalty.
They go to the penitents. And there was the palba and the drunkard - came Kalinin's decree on dissolving the penalty.
“Thank you all, everyone is free.”
Bring the grandfather back to his part. What to do next is unclear, they decide.
Here is victory. Not before him at all.
And he was still wet and frozen, while in the body half-turns to the penalty riders. Inflammation of the lungs.
They were sent to the hospital, from there back home, to the village near Tula.

My grandfather lived 87 years. He died in 1986 (I was serving in the Army at that time).
He was not an official veteran and did not receive any benefits.
Neither medal for victory over Germany, nor anniversary, nor the Order of the Patriotic War in 1985.

All these years, the grandfather was afraid that he would be remembered and forced to serve his sentence.
It didn’t light up in the offices.

There is a medal in front of me. Green tape with a red strip. Known to the smallest details the faces of the fighters in the army. tanks and aircraft.
Over the past 40 years, I have looked at this image many times.
Medal for the Defense of Stalingrad.
That’s all my grandfather had from the war, and I have from him.
My grandfather gave it to me when I was 7 years old.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №98601
 30.05.2014
Are you already in the garden?
No, Daddy, as long as they’re just in the corner!

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98600
 30.05.2014
xxx: Fuck, borrowed in the clinic, marasm, the certificate is impossible to take the child!
Yyy: Dasha, you live like the first day. So is it everywhere. For example, in our clinic, X-rays only work on Wednesdays, only two hours a day. In order to take the score, you need to register with the therapist on Friday before lunch - because only on Friday the therapist has the score for x-rays. A certain amount and only for the next Wednesday. That is, after riding an hour and a half before the clinic and sitting in line to the therapist, I can not get an X-ray score. It is :)

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98599
 30.05.2014
HH: I want to rest. Just to rest. No phones and internet. The DPRK does not offer

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №98598
 30.05.2014
(To the post on the wealthy life in the community)

Impossible

Russia lives like that. A normal family. Ordinary average community.
I was interested in reading you. The important thing is that you live as you like it!! to

Vadefugl

Pol of Russia? Are you serious?

Impossible

No, I am not serious. In fact, everybody flies to Paris for a weekend and wears a glamorous Chanel.
Salesmen, cleaners, and waiters are robots.

v_sentyabre

There is no life. Everyone knows that.

Isilya

a "village", "communal", "working district" and other words are just insults, there is no such thing in life. And the minimum wage in the law is prescribed, to laugh, everyone actually lives on 200,000 a month.

[ + 27 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98597
 30.05.2014
How did they know whose ammunition?
“The gun jumped through the yard before hitting the building to prove that it wasn’t a Moscal.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №98596
 30.05.2014
I was in the mail yesterday. Well, yes, the hour went by, yes, my package was splashed, well, the grandmothers in line all this time broke my brain. This is all in the Post of Russia usual, even already expected. So they colded me, the fucks, for this hour with a full-powered industrial air conditioner. The real center of evil!

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №98595
 30.05.2014
On the weekend, I went to apply to the ZAGS. They found the entrance. The people for some reason do not, although Saturday, everyone is written. We try to find someone. At the end of the corridor is a couple. The boy smiles boldly and the girl is proud, looking with her nose into the ceiling.
Ask how to file the application.
The girl revived and began to tell you that you need to first pay the state duty in the machine at the entrance of 400 rubles from each, and only then follow them in a row to get. The girl replied that we entered the wrong place to apply for the painting and explained how to go.
They seemed to be on divorce. When we headed to our goal, the boy raised his head for the first time in all the conversation and loudly said to my (already) groom: "Happy!"
I have never thought so much about the correctness of the decision.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98594
 30.05.2014
Many people who call television a zombie fighter forget that for some time it has been a zombie.

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