A sports master, a woman measures her clothes in a sample, her husband tries to humiliate a mad son.
Wife (because of the curtain): Dear, bring me this size 50.
Husband: Little, go, my mom needs a bigger size because she eats Rasti-i-ku...

This is:
A 120-pound accountant fell on a crocodile in Murmansk.
I never thought I would be sorry for a crocodile.
___________________________________________________
Since serving 4-5 accounting offices, I even feel like a maniac necrophil if he excavates the bug.

In the quote:
We went shopping all day, we wandered. I’m dressed in monotonous dark green pants and coft. A woman goes to a building store, choosing something. I stood up on a bunch of carpets and thought. In five minutes, three people came to me with questions.

I: Do I really look like a shop worker? They are all in orange, not green.
Wife: Well, yes, it’s very... you’re standing so loose and quietly hating everyone around you.

You have not yet entered the euro network in the yellow shirt.

The topic on the forum in the section "Economy":I need to pump a hole in the village behind the dry logo XXX: Maybe somebody can offer the services of a lifting machine. 140 km from ECB
YYY: So nobody has insulted the economy yet :D

HHH: Why are you doing so?
Vauu: quadcopter daddy bought (here I explain what kind of beast this is)
I am o-o. As a child, I dreamed of a radio-controlled helicopter.
In the future, your daughter will be born, will grow up, will go to another city, and then will give.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
O_O

In the JS Debugging Guide:
To use this example, simply save it as template.js and open it in your favorite editor. If you are using vim, print:

from template.js
And if you use emacs, enter the following:

$ sudo apt-get remove emacs
from template.js

1.99 km of road to the state for 3 billion rubles.
The best commentary: Crawl! Thus, 16 kilometers of this road equals the cost of the Curiosity program. Here we have this rotten western nose!

There was a troll in the courtyard. The cat is two or three years old, lives on the second floor, walks on a glazed, but warm open balcony. Near the house grows a tree - the nearest branches are ten meters from the window. On the branches usually hang fur hats of various colors and sing cat serenades. Usually they are there only during the day - in the morning and evening they are driven away from there, and the cat remains alone on the balcony (and yes, I am aware of the irresponsible owners, but this is not my animal, and the owners on the balcony did not show up with me) and - an eagle. Moreover, I have such a pudding from the series "I lost, climbed on a tree, save-help!". The first time I heard it by the edge of my ear — from somewhere on the top of the tree — I naturally darted there in search of a loss and saw the lady on the balcony — with such a squid face that I could only laugh at myself. Today, the goat mocked another girl, who jumped around the tree at least five minutes before I arrived, in search of the sound source, until I pointed to that thin troll on the balcony. And only we laughed away, and in the zone of visibility of life appeared another goal - the bull began again. The girl, laughing, offered to put a mark on the tree about the troll from the second floor.

xxxxxx, 20 May 20:15 (+)
Can I change from 2 to 4?
Wauauauou, 20 May 20:35 (+)
Yes, if the mother/parent and food allow.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My mom will allow, of course. My own computer. What does it matter?
zzzzzz, 20 May 21:22 (+)
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

To see the whole picture, you can’t just look right in front of yourself.
He: You have to go up and see everything.
She: And to say chaotic?! to

Can I condemn a flies for doing it? When in my head, I am angry. As well as the pirates. When in silent solitude they do what their souls are to do, who will object? But they organize façade marches and tie themselves to the lanterns on the shore, dude in dudes, beat the drums and scream so that everyone knows their temper - somewhat scratching in the point and scratching in the ass. Indeed, they are worse than flies, for flies only occasionally sin on my head, but pidaras try from day to day to gather in the very center of it. The flies are misunderstood, but the pirates are cold-blooded and conscious.
And by that I realize that they do not want to watch each other, but all, and forcibly, and mutual sodomy for them is only a pretext and a cause.
by V. Pelevin

In connection with the ban of the GPS system on the territory of the Russian Federation, as well as in connection with technical problems in the work of the domestic GLONASS system, Roskomnadz reminds: "Moch grows on the north side of the tree."

I’m back from vacation, and I don’t see anything under the table. The whole office was broken, he found, she was pulled into the corner and a printer was placed on it. I arranged everything and think like transporting a tumba to myself. On the one hand, it’s on wheels – "Push, I don’t want". On the other hand, it is also low, and in general not a wheelchair with a pen - that is, if you carry on the floor, then through the entire office to go in the position of a Polish washing machine. Well, I think, and pofig - a strong boy - I take on my arms and carry.
One colleague turns around, looks at me and begins to roar: you did not serve in the army??? It is square – katy.

He, of course, is still a muzzle, but sometimes you listen – and he is telling the truth!
YYY: Well, it’s like a stalled clock that shows absolutely accurate time twice a day.
zzz: And if the clock goes in the opposite direction, then they show the exact time already 4 times a day!

Tardo
I am replacing my English teacher. Today we have a 2nd class. About half are girls.
On the shift one approaches me and says, “And we have a girl with a rare name in our class. Her name is IRA."
and em. I was a little surprised.
Then I looked at their magazine. And there: Evelina, Angelina, two Milanese, Valeria, Marianna.
Duval
He worked as a DJ in a strip club, so all striptease girls had such pseudonyms.
BossKarfagen
Presented by the stripper after 15 years: "Meet, on stage - Miss Katya! Next for you will be two burning chocolate Masha and Zina!"

Yes, "Latin" – it’s really creative... And that it’s Latin – it’s not at all creative...
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The ignorant aggression has risen. Both versions of the name language are correct.

Answer by Maj.ru

The xxx:
What is 1 horsepower?
and ZZZ:
1 horsepower = 50 dogs = 150 cats = 2500 muscles = 1,250,000 mosquitoes.
and also
1 horse power = 0.8 donkey = 0.1 elephant = 0.01 whale power

Good luck brother!

Google has 2 questions.
29.05.2013 how to build a combination in axonometry [drawing]
May 1, 2014 How to get revenge? [ The Army ]

Love: we here bodies collapse who parked
Favourite: Cappuccino
One of them bought a car.
I love it and it is driving badly.
Favorite: Another one is worth teaching how to park
March Cat: Oh capec, there is such a teacher probably *ROFL*
Favorite: comes the third, begins to strike on the one who teaches
Loving: Tell me what fucking you put me up, you don't know how to park
March Cat: The Gorgeous :D
My favorite: but
Favorite of: Epilepsy
Favorite: Passing by our husband
Favorite: says like this - you girl parking, 3 cars where 10 could be
Love: and all... the curtains... the silence...

>xxx: That’s why it’s... I’m taking pictures – well, a bit of flies. Well, blockpost, well soldiers, well a machine gun. Nothing happens. Nothing, in short. All the same picture... well, fucking, just offensive. The Blockpost! The soldiers! The bullet is such a plague! Stalingrad, Bosnia and the forcing of Dnipro in one bottle. This camera is so special, right?

>yyy: This is the button "the masterpiece" of the tap)))