We are waiting for a new screenplay from Disney - "The Snowman and the Seven Gay Men". In the final, the prince kisses Black Snow, she wakes up and sues him for harassment. Happy end!

I buy eggs in the store. As usual, I open the package to check if it’s whole. Next to me, a young man also opens the package, looks inside, then turns to me and questioned:

What are we looking for?

I do not welcome when students leave the classroom during a lecture to talk on a cell phone. This distracts both the lecturer and other students. Except for emergencies, of course. We are all human beings, we all have relatives, many students have children. Such restrictions should therefore be within reasonable limits. Although, again, we are all human beings and sometimes some students begin to “parasite.” And then I tell this story...

This case occurred about 15 years ago (its beginning), when I was still a young teacher and I could still be "divided" by women's tears at the exam.

The lecture began. The issues were dealt with very seriously.

A young (17-18 years old), cute and fun first-time student asked to leave the audience by an urgent phone call. He returned quickly. Half an hour later, she ran back into the corridor. 20 minutes before the end of the pair again raises the hand.

Anonymous, can I go out? I have an urgent phone call.

You have already gone out twice. And all the lecture sitting on the phone... Until the end of a couple of 20 minutes, let you change all questions?

Well please! This is very important to me! A pleasing look of beautiful eyes.

Please do not judge strictly. I am still a man.)

A question of life and death? I still ask.

Even more important!

Can I not let go?

I continue the lecture. A few minutes later, the student returns. This is precisely the case when a person literally shines from happiness and joy.

The question solved? I ask with a smile.

and yes! The girl raises her fist, I’m getting married!

The audience applauds. I am joining.

Continuing the lecture...

Four years later, I met the same group at a lecture. Of course, in a different discipline. These four years have changed the guys very well. In my opinion, this is the most noticeable stage of adulthood, when in something the child’s psychology changes to the adult. And, unfortunately, some students already have some fatigue from life in their eyes at this stage.

Write a lecture.

The same student in the audience. She is still a cute, but no longer such a fun and naive girl. Very grown up.

“AnkonRUS,” she suddenly said, “remember when I went to you from a lecture in the first class to talk on the phone?

Of course I remember! I answer.

The case bright. These are remembered for a lifetime.

Better not to let me go then.

To the marketers who did not live under socialism: the best loyalty program is a deficit.

The Use of Knowledge Again
“Mathematics is the queen of sciences” (my older cousin, telling me the back of the head)

Many remember the old math problem: you have a hundred coins, one of them is fake and weighs slightly less than the others. For how many weights on simple scales, can you find this fake coin?
The algorithm of the solution is simple: on each cup of weights we put 50 coins. This is the first weighting.
The second weighing is the heap that is easier (due to the presence of a lighter counterfeit coin) again divided in half by 25 coins and weighed, comparing and finding the heap with a lighter coin.
The third weighing is 12 coins on each side. If the weight is equal, then the 25th remaining coin is fake.
The fourth is 6 coins.
The fifth is three coins.
The sixth weighing is to find a fake coin.

At the beginning of the 1990s, my friend and I made a large order for us: a survey of five different oncomarker employees of "Gorneftprodukt". This is a few oil bases and pieces of 50 gas stations throughout the area, people 800-900 approximately.
The technology is simple - a test tube with the blood of a particular person is divided into five probes and each drops the corresponding tumor marker-reagent. There is a reaction - the tumor marker worked, dragging this person for an in-depth examination and urgent treatment.
Reactants are expensive, “a single drop in a blood tube” cost, if I remember correctly, several hundred dollars.
The cost is high, the margin is low, take a lot.
We sit, we drop dumb, thousands of analyses still, batteries of probes in stalls, the entire laboratory is stuck... boring...
Someone has remembered this mathematical problem - and how does the desired blood differ from a fake coin?
Nothing is!! to
You take a cane, a drop of 100 people's blood in it, and I drop the reagent. No reaction - in the entire group of 100 people there is no lung oncology, for example. No need to check everyone.
If the marker worked - this group is divided into two, 50 people, and after a maximum of five iterations we find the patient.
In total, instead of 900*5=4500 studies, we fit in somewhere less than a hundred.
It was possible to take a drop of reactant for 900 drops of different people's blood at once, but we needed a guaranteed quality so that we couldn't miss anyone, and with such a different amount of blood we couldn't guarantee any unintelligible reaction.
Moreover, we repeated our scheme “for 100 people at a time” three times, for the same guarantee. And each time they changed the composition of the set of "100 drops of different people's blood".

The economic results:
-Instead of 4,500 studies, we settled with all possible reinsurance in 280 (this is a profitability of 1500% if I'm not mistaken)
The profit was enough to buy the "Soviet gentleman set": by apartment / machine / house.
“Everyone!” – “Operation Y”

The main results are medical:
- Identified 8 ACS operators and two drivers; seven - oncology of the first stage, one - the third, and two more - zero stage, something like "precancer" - the disease is not yet, but the marker is already working.
The third stage was late, and the person died.
“Thanks to our research, treatment started on time and the other nine people survived.

In the doctor’s office:
How old will you be this year?
and 27.
How many pregnancies?
and zero.
He surprisingly raises his eyes:
Do you live a sexual life?
You are very curious about the dentist.

How to explain pregnancy to a child of the 21st century, when bees, flowers, seeds, barley went out of fashion?

The explanation is modern...

The son asks his father:

Dad, how am I born?

“Well, my son, we once knew we were going to talk about it, so I’ll explain what you need to know:

One day, Mom and Dad connected to Facebook and became friends. Dad sent a tweet inviting Mom to go to a cybercafé. We found that we had a lot of common links and likes, and we understood each other very well.

When we weren’t on the laptop, we talked about the Whats App and Skype.

And we gave more likes until one day we decided to share our files.

Dad inserted his flash drive into his mom’s USB port. When the files were uploaded, we realized we had forgotten the security software and we didn’t have a firewall or image filter.

It was too late to cancel the download, and it was impossible to delete the files by generating the message “INSTALLATION SUCCESSED.”

At the same time, your mother’s monthly notifications stopped coming, and nine months later you appeared as a new user contact, asking for a login and password. Everything is short and clear.

Why my body tells me every month that I’m not pregnant. How can I disable these notifications?

YYY: I will disable notifications. Guarantee - 9 months

I live in Germany, I have a colleague Boris, a healthy man. An excellent professional, a cyclist from God, can travel 100-150 km in a day. He has one but. There are statuses like “I’m in Paris”, “I’m in Stockholm”, “I’m driving my new Mercedes”. In fact, the status of a girl of twenty years, not a normal man, approaching forty years already. Once we talked on a patch after many drunk beer bottles and he explained.



He was married to one lady who, after five years of marriage, abandoned him, preferring him to a young major, blaming him for saying he is a foolish, lazy and has no future.



Boru was hit by this, he almost stopped drinking beer per liter, started working in the gym, rotating pedals, dropped 30 pounds, learned English and German, found a good job and went to work in Germany. And now he posts new statuses and enjoys watching these statuses constantly watched by his ex and several of her girlfriends.



“It’s all for you, dear.”

Once a friend, who at the time was already 26, called in panic - the husband came from the walk in the dumbel drunk, and he has a meeting in the morning, and what to do?

I say - well, lead to a white friend, drink a weak solution of manganese and suck two fingers, you need to clean up, what I will say, ugly, but you need, if you do not, you need to stimulate it to come out.

She then calls back, cries, says, I can't, it's so terrible, so unnatural, I drank him with a solution, but I can't squeeze two fingers.

I am terrible, what did you want?

She - but I still have long nails, suddenly I will hurt him.

The Departure.

Then he calls again. Cries are strengthened.

Hysterically, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

I’m already psychotic and crazy—what am I? Should you come and put your fingers in your mouth?

She is silent. And then complaining so asks – in... mouth? ! to

I am a bad friend, terrible. The hysteria happened to me.

Cigarettes are very expensive in Australia. A pack of 30 cigarettes costs from $34 and above. Smokers are outraged, but the government has said: Go on, people are ugly, smokers are shameless. They smoke, and then run to doctors with their syphilis and emphysema, treat them at the expense of the state. So take care of your tobacco pain in advance. And we’re going to raise, don’t even doubt. And the tobacco magnates pretend they are not at all.



For understanding: for $ 34 you can buy foods of all tastes, meat, butter, cheese, milk, vegetables-fruit, yogurt-kefir and more on the cake money will remain. Buying another pack of cigarettes and remembering Zoy, I feel like a family budget destroyer and a universal evil. But I smoke.



Smoking cigarettes is not acceptable, but of course it happens. A man approaches you, first stretches a dollar and asks you to sell a cigarette. Sometimes, a person approaches and polently asks, but without a dollar. I have no principle of never giving a cigarette or giving only for money: I act according to the mood. Most often the mood is not to give: I smoke less to save and smoke less. To refuse to give-sell a cigarette, the reaction is always calm: no, no. But once I had a completely different story.



I go and smoke. I will meet two gentlemen, a Negroid race. I ask for a cigarette, or two. They seem very young, and I thought they were minors. Of course, I refuse and go on. I scream in the street, I hear the scream, I know what they call me. I turned around and one of the above-mentioned gentlemen ran to me.



Sorry if I scared you, but please give me a cigarette. The gentleman says.

No sir, I will not. I think you are a minor! I answer him.

No, I am an adult! I am a student from the USA. I can show you my identity card.

Are you adult? Then find a job and make money on cigarettes, sir! I say, I turn and leave.

And then I hear a naturally hysterical scream: “You’re racist, mom! It is racist! It is racist!”



I wanted to go back and give him a cigarette. Such a widespread racist gesture: let smoke, and more. But greed defeated racism and I didn’t smoke. Probably I am a racist. Those are things.

Yes, life is a game, but the account is already wasted!

The district pediatrician.
A medical error.

Prior to the medical institute, I worked as a repair carpenter in a hot shop. The state entrusted me to repair conveyors, freight lifts, tower cranes and other equipment, and properly paid from 180 to 220 rubles a month for hands. Plus, there were trips to the prevention center, a month of free living in a double room, eating from the pulp and going to physiotherapy. And sometimes 30% of the travel "to the south" in the trade union gives.
Then for six years the state taught me mind and medicine, gave me an increased scholarship and a bed in a five-bedroom for 2.5 rubles a month.
And then I was sent to the site in the children's clinic, entrusted the life of 1200 (that is exactly one and a half times the average rate) of children and began to pay 120 rubles, on the hands of 106. I have forgotten about any hideous journeys until the end of my work in medicine... and in general for the rest of my life)
Nothing to do, the family needs to be fed, I take calls from two locations, in the evening emergency, plus duty in the hospital, as a rule, on weekends and holidays, there was double payment)
The approximate schedule is this: on Monday morning for reception, then two areas of calls (in the summer it is 7-10, in the winter to 23-32 addresses a day, but I still have a section in the center of the city, but half of the houses - the private sector; it was already in the 90s there everything was demolished and the towers rebuilt), at 18 hours in the hospital, for night service, in the morning on Tuesday at 9 immediately after duty - again directly to the clinic, reception, two areas of calls, from 19 to 23 hours - emergency. Home at midnight.
I slept, Wednesday morning reception-call-night service-already Thursday reception-call-night at home.
Friday: reception-call-night service in the hospital, sometimes for two days, until Sunday evening.
How the senior nurse closed the tables to me - I don't know, I only complained that I had 26 hours of work a day, but I got 180-220 rubles. No categories or services I had at the time.

But the practice invaded a lot, for a year, the valley became: "Well, what's there with you, mommy, what happened? We will deal with it now!”)

Summer on Saturday night. The heat, the city as extinct - all on the villages and beaches. I am in an emergency, work a little, I sit, I bring the papers in order.
The challenge, very close, in the neighboring house, only the road to cross. In fact, they could come by themselves, a girl of 12 years, the temperature is low.
The supervisor complains: the parents for the fourth day in a row as everyone got, cause a fever, and the local or emergency will arrive - the temperature is normal, no cough, no sneezing, nothing, a person five different doctors looked at her in the end, healthy, nothing.
I am so good at the challenge. As specifically, the 9th floor and the elevator do not work.
(Then this happened rarely, because of the breakdowns; but by the end of the 80s it was already in practice - the robbers make a call to the apartment on the upper floors, turn off the lights in the entrance and the elevators, and wait for the doctor, and often the doctor.)
I’m always in my hands!)), the mother blamedly looks in the eyes: "Doctor, there was, there was a fever, and now tempered - normal, but was, was..."
I am already boiling; the maiden is clearly healthy, the color of the face and skin is normal, no cough, no redness in the throat, no whistles in the lungs, the stomach is calm...
On a full reflection, after listening to quite clean lungs, I begin to percussion my back, kick my finger, while simultaneously educating and reading notes to my mom, raising my voice.
And here - the op-on, the sound of the percussion "not ours."
I knock again. On the left, on the right; on the upper, on the lower; and here again, and here again; again on the left, and again on the right.
The picture in my head folds, I write my mom a direction to the hospital with suspicion of lower left-hand pneumonia.
I apologize, I say not to offend my tone, and go to X-rays quickly.

In a couple of weeks I walk through the corridor of the clinic, behind someone’s voice: “Doctor, doctor, wait, doctor!”
I feel like a mom is pursuing me.
“Doctor, doctor, you don’t remember me, I’m not from your department, you gave us an emergency left-hand pneumonia. So, Doctor, you are wrong!
We did not have left-hand pneumonia, but bilateral! “Thank you Doctor!”

Reaction of foreigners to candy "bird milk":
Do you have birds?
We are all in Russia!

We worked as weaknesses, in one

A large height. Where in the 10th area

On the floor of the garbage pipeline, I heard strange sounds. I approached quietly.

I see a little poppy sitting, cuddling, throwing something under his nose. I need to catch it, I think it will disappear. Well, and I steal to him, greedy hands stretching a zombie ack.

Here is this mudassusin, sees the rescue

The expedition in the form of me, broadcasts with a chilled voice: fuck up Pidoras! He leaves me, leaving me in full disarray.

XXX: I was like that. I also trusted, did not laze, did not read, did not care. And then a message came to him, highlighted on the locking screen: "I couldn't call you, good night, dear."

YYY: Oh, this is Sergey Car Service.

Zzz: So many families destroyed...

I worked in the car this weekend. I carried an interesting girl. From the address took, her boyfriend respected, everyone could not break up. She’ll miss me, she’ll miss me, she’ll miss me, she’s so good, she’ll let me go.

To the final address you brought, she calls -Zaya, I came, meet me.

Another shark came out. paid for her. The window was open to me and as they walked before entering it was heard - you're so good, I missed you.



He carried another girl. She wrote all the way with her friend. Well, that is, my passenger wrote, and a friend answered her with voice messages. I warm my ears.

If I made the correct conclusions from the interrogation - the girl from the evening went to the club with her girlfriends, where she was "lost", the phone was turned off, all this time the husband (maybe not the husband, but the rabbit of any kind) tried to call. At two o’clock in the afternoon, the girl turned on the phone, her husband called and promised that if she wasn’t at home in 30 minutes, he would take her tower down. He and his wife argue that their husband is not right. Because there is no trust, and without trust there is no relationship, and there is no trust.

told a good acquaintance. I go around the market, I watch and see a man standing with a bright Caucasian outer appearance and selling peanuts, drawing people around, saying, "Peanuts, juicy, ripe, do not find you better, we have better, and we are not as good as we do."

I go and take the peanut that I liked. I hear a voice.



I put it in place! He says so horribly.

At first I thought it wasn’t me.

Hearing is a problem, right? ! to I put that straw. Yes, you put it, the seller continued.

I have cooked:

Why is it suddenly? I tell the seller.

This is not good, I’ll sell it to you now. I do not sell unflavored, I say, we have the most juicy, ripe and tasty watermelon. We keep the mark," said the Caucasian and got out of the car such a discreet peppermint.



I bought it. In fact, the strawberries were just excellent. Holds the seller’s mark!

Serega and I have known for 15 years, started as young engineers in the same department, now I am the head of the department, and Serega is deputy. The Dira. 41 years old. The Holocaust then,

This story began three years ago.

We were sent to pre-graduate practice students, well sent and sent. One morning one of them rushes and asks stealthily if I can leave Pofinik Vladimirovich from lunch today, because I have D. R.... I answer that it is possible, but how she will get - the bus service at 17. 00 and at this time comes Seroga, our conversation heard and proposes to bring the girl, because he needs to the city...I forgot about it exactly for a month.

Within a month, the serpent goes:

Pofinik friend, I’m getting married!

In general, my practitioner hugged him and we played a wedding.

She was 22 years old.

Two years has passed without a face.

What happened brother?

I’ve been in love for more than a lifetime, I think I’m going to divorce, and that’s the problem.

What is?

- My love, my aunt does not know how to tell my daughter.

How did you stumble?

- What about, after the wedding carried a young wife to his house and how I did not understand and her mother moved to us, and she is only one year older than me, and looks 35 maximum. Well young in dancing, and I got tired and I started spending more time with my aunt at home. And with her and talk about something and generally common interests.

I will not tire you. The third year has passed. And now Seryoga from "papa" became a good father for his ex-wife. The daughter was happy to find this out, as she also found a peer.

So they live. A few days ago, Serogah became a grandfather for the daughter of his former wife.

The Conclusions? They are not

To become a true egoist, it is not enough to live for yourself, it is necessary to force others to live for you.