bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №82445
 04.06.2013
Last week, I gave an account for the predecessor by the name Pitkin. Link somehow.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №82444
 04.06.2013
The commentator:
Here is this:
It was not in the Soviet machines "with gas" and "without gas".
It was "with syrup" and "without syrup".

The enterprise still stands such a crash - without a coin receiver, but with three buttons: "Gased", "cooled" (without gas, yes!) and... "A portion of salt". The last button really never worked, the hell knows what it has to give out there on the designers’ ideas...

And - yes, there were no such on the streets, on the streets were with syrup, but 3 cops, or without syrup, but 1 cops.

You just don’t have the "hot shop", apparently. In castings, for example, the third button always worked. And when the machines died, portions of salt were placed on them for a long time. The fact is that when a person sweats, together with salts are released. And it is from desalination, not from thirst, that people die in the heat. They gave salt to workers according to Soviet norms.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №82443
 04.06.2013
The worst loss in life is a loss of pulse.

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82442
 04.06.2013
“If you want to hide a fallen leaf, hide it in the forest.”

The latest spy scandal with the pearls, the compass and the atlas of Moscow, made you remember the history of childhood. The pioneering childhood. Remember the children's rest camps, through which parents could rest from their children for at least a month? I went there one day during the summer vacation.
An important detail: the leaders, most often, were students of universities - for them and work, and practice, at the same time and rest in nature.
So, these students came up with us, the Balbes, a fascinating game, similar to the "cossacks-robbers". Each of the four units had to write a "secret letter" in the evening indicating where the headquarters and the flag of the unit were located. This letter must be hidden on the territory of the camp and drawn a scheme on another sheet of paper, where all this pirate shit will be depicted, typically: "From the back right corner of the dining room to the lake 15 steps, then 2 elbows to the left..." Well, you understood.
While we, the small-aged sturgeons, made a flag of colorful cowards and sweaters, argued about the location of the headquarters, the hiding of a secret letter, Andreika approached us (no one ever called him Andrei. Andryukha, Andron, Andryukha and Andryukhan He was small compared to us: 8-10 years old. And so this Andrei called to hide the letter. He said the glory of the squad would not be ashamed. Believed and sent. Later it turned out that he was not ashamed.
On the day "X", the chiefs, with the clocks in their hands, sent from the start of the "slashers" from each squad, having a map in their hands. The raiders were given a fork in 5 minutes. They had to be caught, pick up a map, find on the captured map the place where a secret letter was hidden. The squad that hides its flag and headquarters for the longest would be considered the winner. Now such a toy would be called a quest.
was carried. Our sturgeon was caught in the forest quickly (not had time to disguise himself in the bush of the siren). The card was seized from him, passed by it to the specified site and...
The stool was full. There was nothing on this site. Absolutely by. Just a lookout at the camp. To hide something there was stupid. Within an hour, all the units who managed to find the enemy flags reached this field. Unfortunately, no one could find Andrewkin’s note.
After an hour and a half, our chief psychanules (flies, mosquitoes chew, the sun bakes). One begins to squeeze the whole grass, the other presses Andrew and asks, “Are you sure the map is here?”
Andryha, smashing tears on her cheeks, said, “No more. Now out there.” The leaders have another stupor: is it like “there”? Ask: Did you stick to a butterfly or a goose paper? Or on the hole that has broken up?
Andryukhin replied, "You yourself put the note with the card, therefore it is elsewhere." The note, in principle, begins to be sought by all the commanders, as well as the members of the units.
Imagine half a hundred people on a piece of land of 2x2 meters, and next to it is a crying child, who is confident that he did nothing wrong, but only helped his team.
PS Andrei hid our map of the simplest. He turned a notebook leaf into a tight little tube, broke down a little below the middle of the puddle and wrapped this leaf as down as a puddle, and covered it with the top.
The flower is left, and the secret is inside.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №82441
 04.06.2013
The wife is jealous of a husband looking for a secretary:
Don’t consider hiring a young and sexy woman. Hire a married woman, in the years, better with excess weight - so that even in the thoughts she does not excite you!
No problem my dear. Can you start on Monday?

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №82440
 04.06.2013
Statement on the sale of the car:
My Grandpa’s car. Grandpa on the go, car on the go. My grandfather, my grandfather too. The condition of the salon is perfect, original and authentic. Auto radio, like the grandfather with the car, came from the USSR. It catches everything, absolutely everything, even the interference from the ignition coil. The engine works clearly, precisely and rigorously. I don’t eat oil at all, I don’t like it. The suspension is soft, like the pearl on which the Princess of the fairy tale of herself slept on a peanut. The Soviet stands. Strangely, the USSR collapsed, and the suspension, like the deed and body of Lenin's grandfather, is still alive. No smoking in the cabin, no sleeping in the luggage. You will easily see the wreaths on the body, but you can see it well, and its owner does not see much, and thank God, he has not yet seen the Kamaz booster in the cabin. The reason for the sale is that we don’t want my grandfather’s first car to be his last.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82439
 04.06.2013
Castration leads to disorders in the cat's body. But sterilization of the cat does not lead to violations in her body.

Well, yes, also say that abortion for a woman is a rude thing, but the prejudice of dressing a man is a fucking thing.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №82438
 04.06.2013
<Alister> where to buy cisco
<gohdan> without registration without SMS

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №82437
 04.06.2013
xxx: and my parents included rockstar Jesus Christ superstar
XX: I did not know English.
I thought it was a tale of a wolf and seven goats.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №82436
 04.06.2013
I went to the shopping center to look for the cable. And then passes by a young mommy with a child 3-4 years old and says to him:
No, it is wrong. The right thing to say "zombie". The Zombie. Let us say together! The Zoooom-Biiiiiiiiiiiiii...
o___o

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82435
 04.06.2013
Image motivator "Inventing new worlds leads to changing our"
Comment:That's what I look, so ugly around--and this people massively hit the post-apocalypse

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №82434
 04.06.2013
Your password should contain numbers, letters, punctuation signs, link, development, culmination and unexpected ending.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №82433
 04.06.2013
I heard the dialogue of two men:
Yesterday I was given a walk on Harley for the first time.
2 How do you feel?
It’s like two more eggs have grown, just MORE.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №82432
 04.06.2013
Conversation at work:

The refrigerator is not rubber.
Moscow is not rubber, but you came here!

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82431
 04.06.2013
Pick the cats. Do not listen to anyone. It will count.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №82430
 04.06.2013
In the walking park of the sleeping area, a inflatable hill with a height of a three-storey house was erected.
In the evening, at the time of mass gatherings, the slopes of the hillside are placed at a good angle to the sunset, which, coupled with the friction of a sufficiently lengthy sloping, heats the filé parts of the resting to an uncomfortable temperature.
There were two mothers, slightly sluggish, who, as compensation for the injury, demanded (sic!) Right to ride again.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №82429
 04.06.2013
to this:
Ophthalmologist Glazko, Lor Kryvonosov, dentist Zubik, gynecologist Nebaba.
Everyone has seen such doctors.
I think they are there in the medinstitutes during the distribution.

I met the obstetrician. And by Prep Makarenko. )))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82428
 04.06.2013
"Relationship to the Office"
A bank with an adjika in the refrigerator. It worked, but not so effective.

Dear owner (a) of a half-litre bank with adjika!
Your trap worked, but only partially: the bank fell on the floor when the refrigerator door was opened, but did not spray my shoes or jeans with its contents! One-third of its content was on the floor. Next time, before you do such a "warning", dilute the contents with water - the effect will be more impressive!

Head of Transport Organization Service

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82427
 04.06.2013
Review of the iPad mini on one of the websites

Merit: Merit can be written for a long time. When you buy it, you start to look at the world differently. This is Apple, but it can’t be otherwise. He can do so much that I have been standing for half an hour and dumbly slide the menu forward (because I can't decide) And you can still look at the photos...
Disadvantages: No
Comment: Then I'll write a review, Mommy came, and I haven't done natural science yet
Eternal_00

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №82426
 04.06.2013
And before the crowd:
to this:
Ophthalmologist Glazko, Lor Kryvonosov, dentist Zubik, gynecologist Nebaba.
Everyone has seen such doctors.
I think they are there in the medinstitutes during the distribution.

I met the obstetrician. And by Prep Makarenko. )))

I was treated by a traumatologist Walking;)))

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