bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113013
 06.05.2015
With Hicks, post about disassembling the light sword from iFixit

Belbes
I wonder what the Jedi norms for complete disassembly/assembly of the sword)
Putnik
I think it’s 15 seconds and no arms.

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113012
 05.05.2015
TN: Office work is not for nothing. I learned to repair socks with stepler.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113011
 05.05.2015
I am looking for work. In a couple of weeks, they called twice with vacancies in the specialty and fifteen times - with vacancies of a telephone pair of all kinds of non-liquid figure (they proudly call it a sales manager). I try not to raise my voice, but to explain strictly: you confused something, I have a resume on another specialty. Usually everyone understands that there is nothing to catch and say goodbye, but the last hit me in the very heart. Hearing that I am not a salesman and I do not plan to become him, the comrade naturally accounted for me for snobism and that with such an honor I would die of hunger under the fence.

I am very excited to see people who work in this company.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113010
 05.05.2015
How to Increase the Sexual Organ! and fast!
Yy: Hit him with a taboo. Increased very quickly.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №113009
 05.05.2015
Bush: Smoke, can I go into the program?
I came to you half an hour ago and said I could.
He said loudly to everyone.
by admin : )
Bush: We didn’t listen, we were very involved with lunch

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №113008
 05.05.2015
Someday we drive with a friend in a car around the city.A section of the road began with the removed pieces of the road.The roadmen tried. Solid holes, it is simply impossible to drive. A friend says:
- We all the roads are made according to the same scheme.First they crush everything, then throw and go to fuck each other in the ass.
I: And what then?
Friend: I just want to say that they are pimples!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113007
 05.05.2015
So much noise around the blocking law, and no one will cancel the Mikhalkov tax. And like it implies the possibility of pirating records (well, we have it for any case. To get money from users.
As with the road tax, the cost of which was included in the gasoline, but forgot to cancel.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113006
 05.05.2015
A colleague at work, an avid hunter, put a cat on the ring. Moreover, there is a feeling that the period of marriage, as it is very long and active.
Today we held a telemost with the management of our company in the United States. When a colleague’s phone ringed and the duck stumbled across the office, a colleague from the United States asked why we bring pets to our office.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №113005
 05.05.2015
First sex with a new man. How to overcome embarrassment?
K: Drink to the state of "Not a hostess".

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №113004
 05.05.2015
XXX is
And I had a plastic blue duck, quite large, and my mother threw it out, right in the cage, took it to the garbage tank.
YYYY
You seem to be worried so far.
YYYY
You probably have childhood injuries.
XXX is
In the courtyard, I stumbled off a five-year-old neighbor, who, with the help of blackmail, was forced to get into the garbage tank and look for my duck.
XXX is
He was too small and therefore had to get him there and get him there on his own.
XXX is
The neighbor
XXX is
He found her, I brought her home from the stall, so that no one would ever throw her away again! Never to ever!
XXX is
It still sits somewhere in the basement of the balcony.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №113003
 05.05.2015
She taught English and German in courses. paid a penny. It came out about 14.5 a month and it is in Moscow and it is despite the fact that the apartment was rented. But very soon I realized that for individual classes, I was easily given 1,500 per academic hour. Colleagues with Spanish, Chinese languages get more. And a friend alone gives drawing lessons on a computer, 2-3 thousand runs a day. One acquainted comrade (a single father with two sons) has mastered the sewing machine and the overlock - earns by making emblems and patches.
Learn to do something in your life and make money. And those who are lazy to work, don’t have to think that prostitution is the only way out.

[ + 24 - ] [10 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №113002
 05.05.2015
Countess: Are they speaking to you? ha ha! All the men in the office are talking.
Countess: They are just standing in the corridor, clinging to each other on the True-Russian-All-Understood...
Countess: I stood up, unhappy with my hands in my sides, and spotted their gaze. They saw, and I also:
Oh, Mary, fucking forgive me, if this cock doesn’t understand...
Countess: That’s God, I’d better not apologize.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №113001
 05.05.2015
Finishers told me the case - the man took the expensive entrance door - climbed through the window to carefully dismantle from the inside.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113000
 05.05.2015
Two Chinese man stole and sold 410 meters of road

The stupid Chinese. The roads must be stolen before they are laid down. They work less and not so noticeably.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №112999
 05.05.2015
My acquaintance offered me to meet. I know her for many years, not bad, just we have very different characters, and in addition, lately she has spread a lot. I’m joking, so yes... 'That’s because I’m fat? No, I say, not just because... It’s now I know that the right answer is 'you’re not fat!'. Always is. Always to!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №112998
 05.05.2015
<blink back> A summary of the April disputes:
April 6, 2015 What to do in the bathroom
7.04.2015 wrongly drawn sewing machine
8.04.2015 Wicked/useful cabbage for children
Bees / Bees / Earth Bees
Russian and American Dentistry
ESET/antivirus + bad/normal sysadmin
The DNR
10.04.2015 Gagarin actually flew
12.04.2015 The crumbling people of the USSR / Holy Humanism and Democracy
A lump for 60 years.
Nivea
"Eat at home"
14.04.2015 Theism and Atheism
Who created them, and why they dance evil dances?
18.04.2015 continuation of evolution-god-sracha
19.04.2015 Heinlein and the elections
20.04.2015 Testosterone and PMS
April 21, 2015 prostitute and prostitute
23.04.2015 Bearish Fools/Useless Cookers
Pay / Do it yourself
Rights of the tractor
27.04.2015 Good / Bad lived under the union
Prospective villages
Keys and untouchable hooks
28.04.2015 Salary and Labour Efficiency: here/in America
April 29, 2015 Women and Girls
Piracy and copyright
inventor of torrent: Nikolayev / Jesus / Prometheus
Who is to blame in wars: believers/atheists

ZY: I thought about gathering the topics of disputes for a year, but first, I turned out to be lazy, and secondly, you are so fruitful that you just can’t do a single quote.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №112997
 05.05.2015
HH: What do you have there?
I fought with my own.
XHH: What is it?
She went, she said, wash the dishes. I washed it and left it on the table. She was upset, saying why didn’t she wipe out, why didn’t she clean up the closet. I said, you said, did not ask, only said to wash.
Q: Did you argue a lot?
She did not argue at all. The next day I went to my parents, I said, wash the jeans, to go to work is nothing. I come deaf at night, and the jeans in the foam in the machine are lying. And she said to me:" You asked to wash. And to rinse, to press, and to hang did not ask."

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №112996
 05.05.2015
Savuniasha: Today, again, the new Samsung refrigerator awakened strange loud sounds like knocking and cracking. In the refrigerator, neither the compressor nor the ventilator worked. Google suggested that these sounds are caused by a different temperature expansion coefficient of the refrigerator materials. But it is not easier for me. How to correct the situation? What to do? Per there is a solution to this issue?
Andrey P: This mouse is looking for a rope.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №112995
 05.05.2015
The Blade:
to blasphemy

Vladimir Mayakovsky
“Who is Blind?”

not those
by Blade,
What bread
for
in front
and behind
They give us
by Fuck,
God forgive them!
Those fools –
The liars,
Money is
The Sweaters,
Eat is
Not giving –
This is crazy.
of the present,
Her mother eats!
------------
It is not Mayakovsky, but Ivan Barkov. Stop the nonsense.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №112994
 05.05.2015
Private Bank of Ukraine is chasing. On May posted an announcement that organized multi-channel communication for customers and... and photo of Sasha Grey!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna