bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121553
 08.12.2015
A smart man

A TV journalist has been struck.
Therefore, even the temperature of the water is not important to the batiskafu for diving, whether it is a plus or a minus.
I think: she did not teach physics in school, she was a fool, such a tough batiskaf, which will even sink into the ice.

Batiscafs, mostly, do not swim in the Baikal, but in the seas-ocean, where the water is salty. The freezing temperature of salt water is lower than that of fresh water.
I would have studied better, I would have known.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №121552
 08.12.2015
Ibond: As a person gets older, it becomes more and more difficult for him to get into the new. This is a logical process. Teachers of THs. The universities are not very mistaken about this, but there are cases. be calm.
In 20 years, you will also be holding the studers and forcing them to compromise the code in the guitar through the console, not through, say, the mind interface.
by noksel :D
by NOKEL: HY
I taught them through the console.
Then I showed Gui.
I was told that Gui is more interesting :D
ibond: And say "Where do you suck my thoughts? You give me code, code show, bluff" (flex)
Nocturnal (rofl)
NOKSEL: The Dawn

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121551
 08.12.2015
Call from the provider. We offer you the rate, 250 rubles per month and 100 MB per second speed, blabla. And we can also offer digital television absolutely free, then the subscription fee will be 450 rubles a month.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №121550
 08.12.2015
Krasnoyarsk and Krasnoyarsk.
I urgently pulled at a point on the shore of the Karsk Sea - 200 meters to the water. I took a bath once, under a dam. We decided with Vytka, a hot Belarusian from a deaf village, before the army had seen nothing more than the Soviet pond, to put a hole in the point "navigated in the Northern Ice Ocean". And the weather for those regions stood abnormally hot - 18 degrees in mid-May. We took a boat - it was unrealistic to swim on the shore, stones and rocks, legs are broken - and we scratched 300 meters. When they saw the floating ice on the horizon, they felt a mess, but the Patsan honor did not allow them to withdraw.)Well, as a more frost-resistant Leningrader, I mowed 20 meters, 6 meters with 6 seedlings. The driver in the sensations of degrees 5, on the way back with the screams "you have been grinding for two minutes, let warm up!" picked up each other's waves.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121549
 08.12.2015
Twice a year there is a bloody enmity between the secretary and the staff at our office.
The first time in May, when they both want to go on vacation in the same month (at the same time the boss does not allow, because they want to go off in the same month). One replaces the other and vice versa.
The second time in November-December, when the annual prize is distributed
the secretary has a salary above (the premium is considered for salaries), therefore the staff is looking for a breakdown to deprive her of part of the premium
The team is interesting, everyone is watching the developments.

What are your traditions at work?

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №121548
 08.12.2015
“Son, you’ll be sitting for a long time, you’re 18 years old, and you don’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №121547
 08.12.2015
A neighbor, a rough-looking 50-year-old uncle, came to ask if I was playing loud music. When he found out that he did not, he shook:

I wanted to know what a melody!

I sit with a broken pattern, thinking about how to live on...

[ + 23 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121546
 08.12.2015
On the news: "A leader appeared at the protest camp of long-distance drivers".
Long live the "Party of long-distance drivers".
Finally people who know how to govern the country will come to power!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121545
 08.12.2015
XXX (21:00:15 7/12/2015)
It is nice to help people with kindness, and even more pleasant when people like it and they buy beer.

YYY (21:00:29 7/12/2015)
It is true, but if you look from the other side, you can sleep to the fuck.

XXX (21:01:05 7/12/2015)
I am not such a good person.

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121544
 08.12.2015
I am in the subway, waiting for the train. Well, I leaned to the pillar - tired after training. I don’t touch the phone, I just lean, so I’m standing. Here someone touches my shoulder, I turn – a policeman. In my astonished gaze, he says:

Are you okay? Then they climbed to the pillar.

I said everything was fine, I was tired. He smiled and said, “It’s good that everything is fine. Be healthy and a happy evening.” He went on with his police affairs. My heart is warm!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №121543
 08.12.2015
Every year I check the health in a regular clinic, naturally everything starts with OAK (general blood test), OAM and feces on the egg leaflet. So today I went to take all these tests, I stand in a line, here a woman of my age approaches me and asks to share the stool :)))) I was confused and refused at all, with the words: "I have the least!"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121542
 08.12.2015
Depending on how people studied in school, they laid, laid or lie on the rules of the Russian language.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121541
 08.12.2015
XHH: By the way, girls, and how much does a cup of a photographer cost, the one that is in the form of an objective?

Memento_mori: I have no idea. I drink from my skull. :D

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №121540
 08.12.2015
The citizen has no living space. Where does she do? He probably missed it.

A genius of logic! "Man does not have his own fox. Where did he go? She probably lost it in the cards.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №121539
 08.12.2015
I definitely need to go to the government. I thought about how to supplement the budget. Pedestrians are ruining the trottoirs. And there is no pedestrian tax on them: Not to mention the Plateau system for pedestrians weighing more than 120 kg.

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121538
 08.12.2015
A man becomes a thief when he steals, not when he is imprisoned.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №121537
 08.12.2015
It is difficult for teenagers from Europe to travel through America: some do not settle in a hotel, don't rent a car, everywhere a "responsible adult" is needed. So when my son and his friends decided to go to a gaming club in Los Angeles, they had to take their mom with them. No, at first they didn’t want to take me at all, but hoped to persuade some older brother or younger relative. Yes, there are no such fools to spend money, holidays, and nerves on 17-18-year-olds.

They decided to fly without transfers to Las Vegas, rent a car there and go to LA and on the way to stop for a day in Death Valley. Arrived, rented the largest 4x4, as all the boys from 195 to 203cm in height. I wanted to see Vegas. I was already fortunate to admire this luxury made of plastic, so I immediately went to the outskirts to the supermarket to shop for a trip. We agreed to meet at the Venice Gallery. At the appointed time I will come and wait.

In "Venice" on the first floor are arranged channels, they float gondolas, and gondoliers ride customers and sing Italian songs. There are luxurious shops on both sides of the canal. And on this day, some temporary pots were attached to them, from which young sellers are trying to squeeze cosmetics from Israel to passers. Beautiful female girls, prominent guys, talk almost without an accent. Smiles to the ears, and despair in the eyes. Buyers ignore them, and the elderly senior manager turns his gaze.

I stand, wait for my guys and sympathize with these inexperienced sellers, because our children will soon start looking for work too. Feeling the diaper, the sellers leave their pots and just attack me: one is trying to move bags with samples, the girl starts rubbing, such as:
Have you heard of nanotechnology? We use only environmentally friendly nanotechnologies. Look, it’s written 100%, and it shows a scroll on the box.

But he surpassed everyone in an impeccable suit with a butterfly. He stumbled before me on one knee, took my hand and began to rub into it an unknown fig, from which the skin glittered like the feathers of the Hot Bird. Then he said that he wanted to determine my age, for which he got a spleen and looked carefully at the bags around his eyes (yet, they didn’t sleep for more than a day). Defined seven years younger than it actually is, ha-ha. Then skillfully whipped some cream around one eye, causing the skin to swell slightly, and the wrinkles stretched. For a long time he showed me the difference in the mirror. Then I began to forcefully squeeze into my hands the banks and boxes, accompanied by explanations and intriguing slogans. Two for the price of one, one as a gift, just for you, and so on. For eight products "total" $790, but from personal sympathy 750. Oh we escaped. This is a lot for a expensive broken brand, considering club discounts, but it is not even in the price.

I kindly say thank you, not need, and put all the nits back on the bowl. And then the shy unfortunate young man instantly turns into a chagrin, begins to pierce on me:
- I fell on my knees before you, took my hand, whipped an unknown fist, looked into the lump, determined the age, killed the cream, demonstrated the difference, now you are obliged to buy!
Everyone is boiling, not knowing that my young basketball players have already come, standing behind him and watching the trade process with interest.

Blinking the son (and he is not the healthiest yet), he takes the hint, takes a step forward and slightly embraces the shoulder of the shy seller. He asks loudly, with feeling:
Did he get on his knees before you?
Yes, my son, it was visible to everyone.
And took his hand?
He took my hand without request.
And an unknown spell?
“Tyral, the son, probably poisonous, still shines. And under one eye, too, thirsty chemistry, as much as half the eye floated.
"Mommy, honestly, don't be ashamed, maybe he, God give it, and the age determined you?
Yes my son. He said loudly, everyone heard it.

Well, and, looking at the seller, now you are obliged to marry her.
He looks around, sees everyone else, begins to blame something. Then the second guy, the healthiest, embraces him on the other side, and looking from the top down, calms:
Don’t worry, it’s Vegas. Go well, let’s go right away.
And an unexpected warmth in the voice:
You will be our new daddy!

How he fled!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121536
 08.12.2015
If you go to Greece - do not forget to visit Mount Athos: from there there is a beautiful view of the villa of the son of the Prosecutor General of Russia Tchaika!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121535
 08.12.2015
from boot_from_cd

Bead, by the way, a fun thing, there are two in one, bead right in the toilet. Such a crane, the stream from which hits straight into the ass. One morning, while I was sitting in great thought, Murene's cat came to me and managed to switch the lever. I will tell you, a stream of hot boiling water in your ass revitalizes the morning more cool than any coffee!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121534
 08.12.2015
Q: Interestingly, will it be a great dish if you swallow a splashing pill and drink it with water?
WOW to survive. A bit of norm and norm.
Q: What if there are two?

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